mantra

For my class, I had to create/come up with a mantra for myself. At least for right now. It is adapted from a lecture I heard recently but changed so that it's purely mine...of course, I'll share! I love it because it can be general or very specific if I follow each idea with a few more words. And even if I can't remember all of it, living by even one part of it works!

a PR at 3M...

...everywhere but on the clock!
So I had some high hopes for the 3M Half Marathon today. And given how my long runs had been as of late, I thought they might actually be within reach. I even thought so after we discovered that it would be a balmy 60-something degrees with 95% humidity...ah...January in Austin, Texas! And the race actually started off okay. Gordon, Amy, and I crossed the start line together and then I decided to trot ahead in search of Amy Bush since we had agreed that we would try to find one another and then follow the 1:50 pace group. I couldn't get to them before the race started so I decided I'd try to catch them in the first few miles. I saw two students; we chatted for a moment; and then I ran ahead. I never saw the 1:50 pace group but somewhere on Mesa I found the 1:55 pace group. I saw Paul and Nancy and a few others along the way - always AWESOME to see people you know cheering. THANK YOU! I fell in line with the 1:55 pace group for a while and then even managed to scoot ahead of them. Still feeling strong - not thrilled with the weather, but not letting that get to me. However, I was also not realizing how quickly I was becoming dehydrated! I had done a silly "I'm out of training practice" thing and not taken appropriate salt tablets or really been monitoring liquids along the way. Silliness gave way to major problems around mile 9 or 10! Gordon eventually caught up with me somewhere on Burnet...and then Amy caught up with me on North Loop. What a sight for sore eyes! I was grabbing some water...and trying to will myself to keep running. The stars that were dancing in front of my eyes from time to time were starting to blur into black patches, but I figured the recently acquired water would help and I was excited to finish the race with Amy. But my body had other plans! After a few minutes I told Amy that I had to walk, she reminded me to be smart, and I told her to run strong and that I'd see her at the end. I thought I might be able to catch up with her if I walked a few steps and then felt better but that didn't happen.
What did happen in that moment was actually something more remarkable.
For those of you who know me, I'm a tad type A. (Okay, some of you are saying "very" type A...which is possibly/probably true!) And that most unbecoming characteristic of mine took an amazing backseat in those blocks on Duval. A quiet voice tried to convince me that I was not going to be one of those people who walked in the last 2 or 3 miles of a 1/2 marathon, that I was someone who could and would finish by running the rest of the way. But that voice never really had a chance to get any louder because within a mile of doing a run/walk thing, I saw a man splayed out on the side of the road with paramedics all around him and an even louder voice in my head said, "Ummm...if you don't watch it and do whatever your body needs to make it to the end of this, you could be there, too." And without blinking an eye, my quiet voice said, "You're right. Tend to yourself with greater care than you tend to your goals." (Okay, it wasn't that eloquent but you get the idea!) Gone were the time goals. Gone were the messages of self-criticism. Present was common sense. And present was self-compassion. And those were my PRs of the day.
I am SO happy for and proud of my friends who did actually PR according to the clock...what an accomplishment and especially on such a crummy weather day! And while I can't boast of that, I'm going to bed tonight with a sense of accomplishment, too. Perhaps a bigger sense of accomplishment. I've beat my time goals in races before. I've PR'ed on the clock. I wanted to do that today. But I got to PR in another way - in ways that are equally...dare I say "more"...important to me. Definitely in the long run. And even, oddly enough, in the short run. And if I want to go for a rather arbitrary time goal next year, I can do it. For this year, the PR was about something truly more personal.
P.S. I will also go to sleep tonight with a very full heart after a weekend complete with visits from dear friends who aren't in Austin anymore - Laurie and Amy. As I told Amy, "it was a perfect sized helping of soul food!"

friday quotation

Life is a verb:
Say yes.
Be generous.
Speak up.
Love more.
Trust yourself.
Slow down.
~Patti Digh

happy birthday, Mom!

To my mom on her birthday...thank you. Thank you for being my mom. For being there for me. For making me stronger. For believing in me. For loving me, no matter what. I love you!

and all I wanted was a cup of coffee

I had my day pretty perfectly mapped out...a small detour to the jewelry store to get an earring back that fell off last night replaced, but other than that I had the day synchronized with the exercise, friend, party planning, grocery shopping, cooking, baking, and coffee drinking gods. Or so I thought.
With an hour or so before a birthday hike for my friend Anne (GORGEOUS day for it), I was looking forward to a cup of coffee and some reading at Bountiful Cafe. I peeked in as I approached the windows - it looked like the perfect stage for my plan. Only one other person. A big table where I could set up for an hour. Warm and sunny inside the restaurant. Good coffee and the smell of fresh baked goods to make me feel right at home.
I was just about to sit down when the only other person in the restaurant approached me. "I've never seen anyone put on computer lotion before." My puzzled look made him explain, "I've never seen anyone put on hand lotion to sit down and work at their computer." I laughed and said, "Oh, that's a funny thought. It's that time of year; I always need hand lotion in the winter." He nodded and said, "I understand. I always need it after I get out of the swimming pool. I swim at this place called Barton Springs, do you know of it?"
And here is where I sealed my fate for the next hour and a half.
I replied that of course I knew of it and that I swam there every week and that I was there even yesterday when it was below freezing...and that I, too, swam there without a wetsuit unless I was in training for something.
The smile that crossed this 70+ year-old's face was priceless. He shook his head and said, "I just can't believe this. Can I come and sit with you? You can have some of my soup. It really is good soup." I declined the offer to share his soup but agreed to share my table with him.
And that's where I took a journey from his jewelry days in New Orleans to the clocks and thermometer at Deep Eddy pool (that apparently he donated) and eventually to the flashlights and pocket knives that he collected and bought and handed out. To people like me. People who he thinks have a wonderful spirit and a great outlook on life (these are his words). Oh, I also got a disposable straw ("because you just never know when you're going to need one") and business cards for a shop sharpening place in town and the Bountiful Cafe where we were sitting. I know that he has a daughter who is my age who has read hair, was born in Hawaii, went to Davidson College (which is odd since that's where Granddaddy went), lives here in Austin, works at a church, has one child, is 6 ft. tall and is married to a man who is 6' 4". I know that Mr. Davis (my coffee buddy) grew up in Houston and went to Bellaire High School. He lived in New Orleans before coming to Austin and he's a jeweler here. But only by appointment. (I don't really understand all of that!) He swims at Barton Springs and at Deep Eddy and feeds the homeless cats at Deep Eddy (he has cat food in the back of his car). He brings lunch to the man at the photo shop on Bee Caves. He has more stuff in his car than I do..."crap" as he described it. And he loves to shop at Goodwill. Oh, and his wife of 34 years left him when he wasn't making enough money. (I'm sure that there is LOTS more to that story but it still seemed to make him sad so I didn't ask any questions.) Have I mentioned that I didn't ask him more than about two questions over the course of this dialogue...he just kept talking and sharing...and I felt like I was in the twilight zone or something.
When I finally cut in and said that I needed to get going so I wouldn't be late for the hike he said, "Well, Elizabeth the Great, wait just one minute because I have something for you. Do you have a minute? It's just out in my car." Unsure of what to say, I did what I'd been doing for the last hour or so and I nodded. He put on his cap, went out the door, and then returned with cards with pictures of Barton Springs on the front, two pocket knives (with clips...which he thinks are essential for clipping them to your pants), a straw, cards for the knife store, and two packages of flashlights. "Thank you." I mean, really, what else do you say?! My mind was spinning. I'm sure there was a reason for this encounter. Maybe I'll figure that out in my next lifetime. All I know is that all I went in for was a cup of coffee. And I came away with a lot more...and not just the things in the picture. Funny how life takes you on a different path sometimes...wonder if my path with cross with Mr. Davis again? He swims with a snorkel at BSP and sometimes does the backstroke...guess there is a chance that post March 12, I might see him there. Wonder if he'll remember the girl with the smile that he loved that he gave the pocket knives, flashlights, straw, and BSP cards to in Bountiful Cafe that day in January 2011. Probably not. Although I'm not sure I'll forget him anytime soon. It's encounters like this that keep the world interesting and remind me that I just never really know what's around the next bend...even when I think it's just a cup of coffee!

friday quotation

May the sun bring you new energy by day.
May the moon softly restore you by night.
May the rain wash away your worries.
May the breeze blow new strength into your being.
May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.

~Apache Blessing

hitting the books

Well, really just one book. One book that my friends have told me is amazing. One book by an author who's inspiring to me. Whose work is thought-provoking. Whom I've heard speak and with whom I feel my heart resonate as I listen to her words. And she's written a book recently called The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. A book that I think (is believe too strong a word here?!) is going to be worthwhile of the time I'll invest in it. And that will be transforming. And that is something that feels (SO) important for me to read. Right now. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I've left S-P-A-C-E in my life.
I looked around for short courses to take in Austin - photography, cooking, writing, Spanish - but I just didn't find anything that I got really excited about. But somewhere within me, I had this desire to stretch myself, to push my brain in a new direction, to study (what?! I've been SO glad to be out of school for so long now!), to do something new...and then I heard about this online course. Through an organization (which really feels more like a group - a cool group) called Mondo Beyondo. And their winter dream lab just happened to be with Brene Brown. And some other neat authors and thinkers. And just as surely as I signed up for IMCDA 2009 because I hadn't felt that excited about anything in a while and because I knew in my heart it was what I was supposed to be doing, I signed up for the winter dream lab. And within a few screens and a credit card payment I was a student again. I guess for a lot of people the toughest part of anything is the first step. I'm not saying that step is easy for me...and actually, getting to take that first step is often a VERY slow process. But once I decide to take that first step I'm usually in good shape. It's steps two and three and four and beyond that are sometimes tough.
So now that I've registered, I have to do my homework. And I have to be kind to myself. And I have to live into the title of the book - NOT that I ever thought I was perfect...but damn if I haven't tried to achieve perfection in at least some parts of my life. But as Brene Brown said with regard to vulnerability, "if there's not some risk involved and there's not some vulnerability involved, we're probably not going to a place where big change, big epiphanies happen..."
So, here I go...on a(nother) voyage of self-discovery. This time through a book and an online conversation and journaling and thought-provoking lectures and interactive activities. I know it sounds all touchy-feely and self-helpish. And maybe parts of it will be and are. And that's okay. Partly because Brene Brown is so REAL that it really can't ever be all touchy-feely with her because she asks some tough and important and honest questions. And I'm willing to try to answer them. Which will force me out of my comfort zone. And will be unlike anything I've ever done in some ways. And like so many things I've done in other ways. And that's sort of cool. And comforting. And nerve-wracking. And awesome. And exciting. And new. And possibly transforming. Well, probably definitely transforming if I let it be.
So that is my lesson for day #1 of being a student again: "on being brave and speaking the truth" or seeing the truth and being willing to accept it about yourself. And trust that I am enough. And be willing to DIG - be Deliberate, be Inspired, Go (meaning, "take action"). Here I go, I'm ready to DIG.