War Horse

I should preface this blog entry by saying that (much like other musicals, theater performances, concerts, art exhibits…and as cliché as it may sound) there is really no way to adequately describe War Horse to you in this entry. It was phenomenal. Not a self-described “horse person” – okay, maybe pretty far from a “horse person” given that out of fear I ended up grooming and not riding a horse for my entire first summer at camp (that is a story for another post…however, the story of “War Horse” made me think of sweet Mr. Ed. He was my own Joey.) - I enjoyed every minute of this production. The bottom line is that any animal lover, anyone who has ever loved or been loved by an animal (or a human for that matter), can relate to this story. I won’t re-tell it here, nor will I try to describe all of the high points for me, but I will say that it was another performance where I was reminded of the magic that comes with the theater. The ability to be truly transported to another place. For 2+ hours it was nearly impossible to see the wooden and leather structures that were being moved by people from within and without as anything but real horses. Joey – the main horse – came to life and literally grew up in front of our eyes. The actors and actresses who played Joey and the other horses were dancers, too. Not for a minute did I think, “oh, that’s just a puppet up there.” No. The horses neighed and swatted their tales and breathed and moved in ways that could have fooled anyone.
But, like most good performances, it was about more than just one thing. The story is replete with powerful relationships – some healthy, some not healthy – between mother and son, father and son, brothers, the powerful and the powerless, and on and on. The music was often the backdrop, but when the songs were the main focus their words were piercing. Refrains like “only remembered for what we have done, only the truth that in life we have spoken, only the seed we have sown, these shall pass on when we're forgotten..." can’t help but haunt you even as you leave the theater. Not in the way that I’ve been walking out of other theaters rushing to buy the soundtrack, but in the way that makes you want to take stock of your life and make sure you’re living it in the way that you want to be remembered.
And that is probably a great prelude to my conference that I head to on Sunday afternoon. We're going to be looking at the role of college counselors in the 21st century? Are we getting to do the job that we think we should be doing? Are we getting to be the people we think we should be at our schools/in our school communities? And for me, am I living out my life's work each day when I go to work? (Or at least the professional part of my life's work.) If I might be remembered in part for what I'm doing day in and day out at St. Andrew's, am I doing it in the way that I'd like to be remembered for. I know, that's a lot of thoughts for a three day conference...especially when we're going to be asking a lot of other questions!
I’m actually sitting in Grand Central Station right now, which is a beautiful little indoor refuge (I’ve already pointed out lots of outdoor refuges here!) in the city of New York. I found my favorite Joe’s coffee and treated myself to a latte. Oh my. First, it was beautiful – a little work of art on top. Second, it's just delicious. Then I wandered downstairs to find Dishes serving up fresh cups of fruit. Yes, please. Watermelon. Greek yogurt. Latte. Someone playing music in the background. An hour to write and read before my train to Bronxville. I’m a happy girl. And I’m a reflective girl. (That was your warning to stop reading now if you don't want to go there with me! I'm blaming this amazing latte that I'm drinking for taking me into some sort of reflective trance...)
I just spent 4 days pretty much alone in NYC. I have to say that is something that I probably never would have thought of doing five years ago…two years ago? Having the confidence to do that was wonderful. Being absolutely sure that I could make whatever I wanted to happen in those four days (within reason, of course!) happen was huge for me. I know, it’s probably not a big deal to a lot of people. It’s probably not a surprise to most people who view me as independent and capable of most things and all of that. I mean, if I was able to co-create (over the course of the past year) and make a trip to NM with eight students last month, why wouldn't I be able to handle myself in NYC. Or handle NYC by myself as the case might be. Maybe it was really just more about the fact that I would choose to do this. There are many things in life that we are capable of doing but we just never choose to do. I feel like there are probably a lot of things in my life that fall into that category. I think, small as it may seem, a trip like this reminds me that when (or if) I’m ever wanting to do those things, I definitely can.
So what was it like being in NYC for four days, on my own, without much of a plan? Well, it was wonderful. Freeing in that I didn't have to worry about anyone but myself - a real contrast to my trip to NM earlier this summer where I spent the whole time worrying about everyone but myself. And it was also revealing. I feel like my whole summer has been that! New Mexico was wonderful and revealing. My time in Austin was wonderful and revealing. And now my time in NYC was the same. Wonderful because there is a certain freedom to being able to create each day as it comes. To being able to listen to your pulse and stop and sit or keep walking or skip that museum or, or, or… And the revealing part: well, as wonderful as it was to be on my own (meaning that I wasn’t responsible for anyone else), I was reminded that I really don’t want to do trips like this on my own all of the time, for the rest of my life. Maybe once in a while. But not all of the time. There were too many moments that I wanted to share with someone. And while a perfect stranger might have welcomed my pointing something out to him/her, it would have been nice to have someone with me with whom I had some sort of previous relationship! I think I perhaps knew this about myself even before I took this trip but it was sort of nice to have it confirmed. And I learned similar things in NM and in Austin, that while so much of what I've created in my life is wonderful, there are lots of parts that I want to continue to tweak and improve upon. And you know, I love that. I think if I'm ever in the spot where I say "I've arrived...this is it...nothing more to do" in either life or work or relationships then I'm missing something. Doesn't mean I can't find peace in the present, just means that sometimes that peace is in the knowing that all is well...and that there is still more fine tuning to be done. (And the curtain closes on my rambling thoughts for the day...congrats on making it to the last scene of this production!)

a day in the life of a (visiting) New Yorker

Part of my challenge to myself on this trip to NYC was to find some stillness and relaxation in my travels. This was, after all, my summer vacation! If I ran around NYC at my usual frantic "got to see it all" pace, there would be no way to feel rejuvenated at the end of it. So although I covered some major territory while I was here, I also spent some time each day trying to do some less touristy and more "a day in the life"-ish activities. Such as some things I've already written about:
WEDNESDAY - time on the High Line + sitting in Washington Square Park + walking home through Central Park + dinner with family
THURSDAY - lots of Central Park time and then dinner at "home" (which means at my hotel...which means picking up dinner from a local restaurant and eating it in my room...because I was pooped!)
FRIDAY - yoga! But like no other yoga, I've done before. A lovely experience. Honestly. It was in a tiny studio - they encourage online registration because the room can only accommodate about 15 people. Two of us were there + our instructor (both of whom were SUPER friendly to this visiting Texan). And the practice was restorative, relaxing, challenging...the last of which I realized later in the afternoon. I found Zenyasa Yoga on the internet when I was poking around for things in "my neighborhood" and it sounded like a good place to go - plus it has free classes for first-timers to the studio. (Yes, there are some...actually LOTS...of free things in NYC if you look around.) I signed up for a Level 2 class figuring that I could handle it. And I could. I was fine. Catherine greeted me and told me a little about the studio, showed me where to leave my shoes, made a quick connection as a fellow teacher (she teaches at the college level), and then she welcomed my classmate Ellen. Ellen had been to Zenyasa Yoga once or twice and seemed very friendly. Since there were only two of us in the class and lots of interaction with the teacher, we bonded quickly as we shook our heads in disbelief about our ability to do some of the things that Catherine suggested over the next 75 minutes. But mostly, the three of us just filled the space with good feelings. I didn't know anything about this form of yoga, but Catherine explained it a little and then we jumped in. Or settled in as it were. Each class begins by acknowledging four things with a moment of silence ended by the chime of a bell and a bow. First, we bowed to the space in front of us to acknowledge our individual practice. Then Ellen and I bowed to one another to acknowledge our common practice. Next, Ellen, Catherine, and I bowed to one another acknowledge the relationship between teacher and student. And, finally, we looked to the windows facing 72nd Street (we were up on the 6th floor, by the way) to acknowledge everyone and everything thing in the world. Pretty cool way to start a practice.
A practice that included strength work and meditation and stretching and sun salutations...it really was an amazing combination of things. Each day focuses on an element (earth, fire, water, wood, or metal) and each week has a theme (meditation, breathing, anatomy of asana, 5-elements, or buddha dharma). The combination for Friday was: earth + meditation. Or focus on lower body strength, endurance, and flexibility (earth) + cultivating a steady seat and place for meditation. Oddly, I could use both of these things. The 75 minutes passed quickly. Nothing was too "hard" but there were definitely some strengthening poses and exercises that made my legs shake. Catherine adjusted my downward dog, led us through sun salutations, and made sure that we were in the correct position for each posture...the joy of a two person class! It was a treat. And the final treat (well, before the next teacher Jason offered us coconut water!!!) was that we got to take our final savasana with our legs up the wall...my absolute favorite! And much welcomed position after days of walking around the city. As we parted ways, Ellen and I found ourselves standing outside of the studio talking about her kids and my job like we were old friends. I swear if I'd been here long enough she would have invited me for dinner!
The rest of the day was a little more "touristy" as I made my way to Columbia and Barnard - ran into a current SAS student on the Columbia campus!!! - and then back to my hotel for a quick change of clothes before going to the MOMA. I felt a little like a "local" when I was there since one of my neighbors (who moved to Austin from NYC) had tipped me off to Target Free Friday Nights (yes, sponsored by Target). You can get into the MOMA free from 4-8:30 on Friday nights which is awesome! And was perfect for someone like me who really just wanted to pop in, see a few things, and then make my way to Dodd's show in SOHO. Mission accomplished...saw some favorites...saw some new stuff. And was soon on the subway to SOHO. Easily found the theater...and then some coffee in case I got the sleepies before the show (or during the show)...took shelter under an awning during a pretty awesome rain storm. And then happily ducked into the theater (where I got bumped up to the 3rd row!). Home again, home again, easily on the subway with a little gelato treat on the way. Have a mentioned that calories consumed while you are walking in NYC (or any other city, I suppose...but mostly while on vacation) don't count?! Did you know this? It's quite wonderful.
Got 8-9 hours of sleep on Friday night so that I was ready to go today...
SATURDAY: Coffee at Joe's. I love this place. Or maybe I love the baristas. Or maybe it's the pale blue "to go" cups. I don't know. But it makes me happy to go there instead of hitting up a Starbuck's for my morning cup of coffee. (There's one in Grand Central where I'll be grabbing coffee on my way to Bronxville tomorrow!) With my coffee in hand, I strolled through Central Park and found my way to the 82nd Street, St. Stephen's Greenmarket. Wanted to see what the locals could buy at their neighborhood Farmers Market. Berries, milk, veggies, flowers, bread...much like Austin farmers markets. Not a huge surprise there but sort of a fun thing to do. Seeing as I'm leaving for Bronxville tomorrow I only bought some fruit but it was nice to stroll and see the Upper East Side. I then snagged some yogurt from a local grocery and found a lovely shaded bench in Central Park for my breakfast spot...yogurt + Farmers Market fruit and full entertainment from the kiddos playing around me. This hit the spot! The afternoon went by quickly with double checking arrangements to Bronxville tomorrow a.m. (this will involve a subway - and a "transfer" within the subway system! - with my luggage...fingers crossed!), finishing my reading for the conference, packing, and grabbing a quick bite to eat at Peacefood Cafe. I know, there are more "exotic" places in NYC, but I felt the need for something really healthy. It's not that I've been unhealthy about my eating, but I have been rather nonchalant about it. That might be my one regret of this trip...I should have planned my meals better because every time I walk down a street I see a restaurant that makes me want to stop and eat! Oh, well, as Knox (Gran's dear friend) would say, "You have to leave something for next time" and what I have eaten has been delicious. (Plus, I do get a little tired of being at a table for one all of the time, so 'grab and go' food has been my preference this trip.)
About that dinner at Peacefood. Well, I ended up not eating alone. I chose to sit at the counter and pulled out my book but hardly 10 minutes had passed before a man who was probably in his late 60s/early 70s said, "Do you mind if I sit here?" Two girls had already occupied the other seats at the counter so we were a little crowded, but it wasn't my place to say "No, you can't sit here." Like I would say that anyway! And he seemed nice enough so I said, "Go right ahead." Moments later my food came out of the kitchen and that opened the doorway to what would be an hour long conversation with me and this native New Yorker who was amazed that I'd found Peacefood all the way from Texas, loved that I taught/worked at a school (he's a former professor), was concerned about what I'd seen and not seen in the city, had his own theories about education (which he shared freely), and then ended up paying for my meal. Because he rarely got to have "such nice dinner conversation with a Texan", he explained...with a shake of his head. The whole Texas thing really threw him for a loop. It was hysterical. We parted ways after I thanked him profusely, and I hung back to get a chocolate dipped macaroon. DELICIOUS. Seriously, melt in your mouth delicious and well worth every calorie!
And off I went down Broadway to Lincoln Center for War Horse thinking that this was the first time a perfect stranger had ever bought me dinner and how bizarre and nice it was at the same time. Not "nice" as in that thing that I expect or want to happen all the time but "nice" as in just a really nice gesture...from a real New Yorker to a visiting New Yorker. Seemed right for the day - unexpected but right.

friday quotation

"Don't sleep with mean people."

Okay, so out of context this makes no sense. But I just came from my cousin* Dodd's show - The Rap Guide to Evolution - and my brain is sort of spinning with everything that the show said and represented. And while I can't say that I agree with it all 100%, it certainly was clever and smart and intriguing and entertaining and a VERY worthwhile way to spend a Friday night in NYC. And the bottom line - "don't sleep with mean people" - is perhaps a universally good thing to keep in mind. The actor follows up that bit of advice with "think of your granddaughters and your grandsons" and pretty much says that you have to think about what could come out of your relationships...do you want your gene pool to be riddled with meanness?
I'm expanding this advice to the steps before you might sleep with someone and saying "don't associate with mean people...don't be friends with mean people...don't encourage mean people by being in any sort of relationship with them." Eventually, maybe that meanness will go away? Either through a lack of procreation or a lack of friends or community or encouragement or something...and a little less meanness in the world sounds like a good thing to me.
(*So...Dodd is technically a cousin of a cousin. We share first cousins in all of my Morrow cousins so we like to say that we're cousins, too. Dodd and I agreed on this so it's all good.)

hiding in harlem

Well, technically in the Heights but I thought Harlem sounded catchier - and it's close!
What a treat today. Not the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the Met - although that was pretty fabulous, too. And over-the-top and all of that. But my excursion via the subway to the 190th Street station where I hopped off, took an elevator to street level, and found myself in the middle of a little haven in the city - Fort Tryon Park and the Cloisters. The Cloisters are part of the Met and why I am just now learning about them I have no idea! They are fabulous. Serene. Majestic. Beautiful. A real treasure. And one of those times when I was glad to have pressed on. I had a few moments of uncertainty on the subway...and then even when I got off the subway. I almost just sat in the park (which would have been lovely, too). But I pressed on and was rewarded greatly. These pictures tell the rest of the story...or part of the story. And as if it was a sign that I was supposed to go, I found these fabulous things at the Cloisters...
first, there was St. Andrew in all of his glory: then, there was a little kale in the garden: and, finally, a little extra dose of grace - because one can never have enough!

walking Wednesday

Because when you're in NYC, that's what you do - you walk. Or at least it's what I do. I did take the subway once today and will take it again tonight to meet Logan and Dodd for dinner (SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM!). But, in general, I love being in cities like NYC because you CAN walk everywhere. And although the pictures that I'm about to post also prove that in the "city that doesn't sleep" there are places to put up your feet and sit for a while, you should know that in between those two resting times (which were LOVELY and people-watching heaven) I walked. From the High Line - which is AMAZING and something you must go to when you're in NYC next - to NYU/Washington Square Park passing by The New School along the way...and then from Washington Square all the way up to the Upper West Side finishing off with a stroll through Central Park (where I also started my day with a jog).
So...the High Line is this very cool park on an old train trestle that goes through several neighborhoods near Chelsea. They are opening it bit by bit but it is just awesome. You have no idea you are smack dab in NYC! I found some chaise lounges (awesome!) and plopped on one (evidence in the picture at the left) and read for a good hour+. Iced coffee from Blue Bottle Coffee in one hand, my book in the other, sunshine that crept on to my feet and eventually became too much so that I decided to move on but was lovely while it was not so intense...I was a happy camper. When I needed a break from my reading there were dance troupes, kids playing in a very cool "fountain", and people walking by in some of the most amazing outfits you have seen. I forgot this about NYC because I don't come here that often, but people will wear anything. Even things that they probably "shouldn't" be wearing (I do realize they might be saying that about me!). But it's amazingly free that way. Anyway, I highly recommend the High Line to anyone who's visiting the city...here are a few more pictures (from someone more handy with the camera than I...):

The chaise lounges that I was talking about...

And another part of the High Line...

Only after Mr. Sun booted me from my chaise lounge did I wander over to Washington Square. I love that it's so easy to find your way in NYC. The walk was lovely. Through different neighborhoods, hearing the typically diverse languages, taking it all in. And on a GORGEOUS day. Not too hot (unless you're so directly in the sun like I was), humid but not unbearable, and moments of respite from it all in the shade. Which is what I found in Washington Square. A perfect place to rest my legs again and read some more of my book. The scenery ain't bad either...and loads of people watching. TONS of kids summer camps - a very different type of "camp" than the one I know but this is "city camp" I guess. And at least three groups of little ones came through the park while I was sitting there and they were a sight to behold. And so hilarious in their observations. Wish I'd snapped a photo of them but I wasn't fast enough. With music playing, people splashing in the fountain, hula hoopers hula hooping, it was tough to pry me from that spot. But a grumbling tummy (oops...somehow lunch got lost in the wanderings of the day) and the fact that I'd somehow outlasted anyone who was there within my eyesight when I sat down lured me away...to wander back up 5th Avenue all the way to the park...and then home. For just a spell, until dinner...love it.

yoga Monday...traveling Tuesday

So in bikram on Monday I was reminded that even when I know what pose is coming next there are always surprises. Things feel different. A pose that I'm expecting to be terrible simply isn't. Another pose that I always look forward to cannot end soon enough. My take away: drop the expectations. Be open to whatever is. Just be. Why is this SO tough for me?!
And from a bench in Central Park today a poignant reminder:
So maybe this is a little easier when one is on vacation. But I think I'm going to print it when I get home and hang it above my desks (at work and in my house) because it's so simple, powerful (when you do it), and beneficial (dare I say 'necessary'?). And again, why is this SO tough for me?! The good news was that today it wasn't. I followed Linda's advice. After all, I am a rule follower at heart. And as I sat, I felt calm. And I laughed at the kids going by. And I smiled hearing the sound of the baseball bat connecting with the ball on the field in front of me. And I enjoyed the moment and soaked it up...until my stomach grumbled and I meandered toward the Thai food that I was excited about. What a lovely, lovely way to start my vacation...thank you, Linda.

friday quotation

This is not an exact quotation because I wasn't present to know the exact words spoken but the general idea from this conversation is too good not to record somewhere. Again, I owe thanks to my (now former) students for inspiring me with these words.

Student 1: I hate change!
Student 2: You know, the change isn't so bad. It's the transition that's really tough.

BINGO! Such a good thing to hold on to when I'm cursing the change...often one that I know is something really good because it's not so much the change that I mind, it's the discomfort, uncertainty, fear, etc... of the transition. (I do think, however, I will transition quite nicely into this weekend in a few hours...)

yoga Monday...and Tuesday

I seem to be settling into my summer routine - both of workouts and just life in general. Of course, I'm just now settling into it when I'm about to disrupt it again next week with a trip (work + vacation - hooray!), from which I will return to the slightly less easy pace of August at school. I cherish June and July at school. Shorter work days. No URGENT! deadlines (there are some, but they can be worked with...at a pace that doesn't feel URGENT!). Lovely long lunch chats with colleagues. Getting errands done during the week so that the weekends are more free. Ahh...summertime.
And I've been able to reincorporate yoga into my schedule since I don't have to be at work until 9. Yoga Vida on Monday and bikram on Tuesday. I do love the combination. I love the lack of knowing just what Monday has in store for me. I know, I know...for this Type A person who wants to always know what's next, it's a bit odd that I cherish not knowing what is next when I lay out my mat on Monday mornings. It's as if I have no other choice but to surrender to Bekah and my body and whatever the day and class have in store for me. Some days I'm scared by that. Some days I'm excited by that. Some days it's a relief - no anticipation of what's coming up because I simply don't know. And some days it's nice to have bikram. Where I know the next pose. Where I can almost predict the script. Where I know what to gear up for. And what to be anxious about.
In some ways, my whole summer has been this sort of balance. New Mexico was a combination of very planned moments (just ask anyone about my trip binders) and totally unexpected alterations and/or additions to the schedule. Each day at work is a little like that, too, these days. A general plan that sometimes moves off course and sometimes flows just as I predicted. My summer project plan has been very similar. I'm getting things done (just chose new floors today to replace the ones damaged by water from my upstairs neighbors last fall...no comments on the delay in action there, please!), but perhaps not in quite the order I expected. Or at quite the pace that I would have wanted. And my upcoming trip to NYC is likely to be the same mix. A conference at the end that is mapped out to the minute. And the days leading up to it that are just now coming together, with some intention of some of them never coming together before I wake on that given morning. I pretty much did a triathlon like this a couple of weeks ago...what a change for me. Very little (well, zero) formal training for it - recently. I was truly testing out just how much of a base I had built up over the past few years. And relying on faith, experience, and attitude (and a little bit of stubbornness) to pull me through. (I had an absolute blast, by the way! This might be my new way to approach that sport...at least for a little while.)
And here is the lesson in all of this for me - aside from the part of the summer where I was responsible for my students in NM - this not knowing what's ahead has actually been stress-reducing for me. Maybe it's a little bit of "ignorance is bliss"? Maybe it's just the relief of not feeling like I have to know exactly what's ahead and make plans for it? So now the trick is to make this more of a summer deal...to apply this attitude a little more once school begins...to let it spill over into areas of my life other than my "to do" list or my yoga class. Nonetheless, I love that this lesson started on my yoga mat. A totally unexpected take-away. Now if only I could do crow or a headstand (without the wall)!

Kale glorious kale!

So I have to admit that until about a year ago kale was one of those scary leafy greens that I pretty much avoided. But the more I read about it - specifically about just HOW good it is for you - I decided that I needed to try it. I had recently added spinach to my eating repertoire and had come to like it very much so perhaps kale would quickly fall into that category. How to ensure that? Well, the first time you cook it, saute the heck out of it with all sort of other yummy stuff so that you can barely taste it! SUCCESS! But I got the feeling that wasn't really the point of eating kale. So I went to the trusty internet to see what I could come up with as other ways to eat kale. When I saw a recipe for a "massaged kale salad" my curiosity was piqued. The other ingredients were ones that I liked: avocado, tomatoes, lemon juice, salt, pepper... And it looked SUPER easy. Little did I know I was about to begin a small (maybe more than small!) obsession with this salad. I think there was a time when I made up a batch each week and enjoyed it for days. Well, it's been a while since I had it so today at the grocery I picked up four bunches of kale (I already had tons of lemons at home as well as tomatoes and avocados from my farmshare - exciting stuff this week with potatoes, peaches, onions, garlic, lettuce, and other yummy stuff in there, too! Oh, and eggplant...which I happily gave away at work! As my former student Lizzie said when I ran into her at the Farmhouse office, "You know, you can request that the eggplant be swapped out for something else...or you can just keep being the eggplant fairy at work." I chose the latter this week! Unlike kale, I have yet to develop a taste for eggplant...). I threw together the massaged kale salad pretty quickly - I can't wait to have it for lunch tomorrow (it's better if it sits overnight so that all of the flavors can gel). And then I stared at the other bunch of kale. Save it for later in the week? Saute it? Make another massaged kale salad right now? Decisions, decisions...
And then I remembered reading about kale chips and seeing them in the grocery store for about $4-5 for a teeny, tiny bag which seemed ridiculous to me. (I get really annoyed when I see something that I suspect is really simple in the grocery store with a hefty price tag...thus, many of my homemade creations! I'm happy to pay for the stuff that I really can't do on my own...not so happy to throw cash away at stuff I could make myself...especially if it involves a new recipe!) So I went to the food blog of one of my favorite bloggers and found her recipe for kale chips. SO SIMPLE. SO QUICK. SO YUMMY! I did one batch with parmesan cheese, salt, and pepper and then, since I think that pretty much the only potato chips worth eating are the salt & vinegar ones, I experimented with a batch of salt & vinegar kale chips. Next time...more vinegar! But otherwise, a hit. Two bunches of kale taken care of...my body better like me for this. (On that note, I've been trying to be better to my body - namely with more sleep, less stress, better food choices, downtime, exercise, etc... And it seems to be responding so far. I'm super grateful about recent bloodwork and other test results from doctor's visits that have all been awesome! One doctor said my cholesterol numbers are the sort that people pay money for - ha! I'm thankful that high cholesterol does not run in our family. We have a number of other bugga-boos but that is not one of them.)
In other news from the kitchen...because I wouldn't want to be too healthy! I also experimented with a recipe to satisfy my sweet tooth - which I've decided to befriend rather than try to evict it from my life! Another food blogger who does mostly vegan recipes (but she's also doing some gluten free stuff which is cool...more on that in my life later...) has a similar sweet tooth. Love that. She makes these "cookie dough balls" except for that they aren't cookie dough at all. They are little nuggets of sweet goodness that I don't have to feel too guilty about. I've been wanting to try them so I whipped up a batch this afternoon. Oh my. Delicious. And full of healthy fat, dark chocolate, coconut, vanilla... Yep, one of these and my sweet tooth for the day will be satisfied. In a healthier way than if I dove into a pint of ice cream. Or at least that's how I'm justifying it! And if I balance them out with enough kale it will all be good, right?!

friday quotation

So I learned both to accept myself and to aim beyond myself...
~ Stephen Spender

cake! cake! cake!

I didn't know Nina until today. Well, I still don't really know her. But I know that she was happy with her birthday cake...and, as a result, I feel like I made a fast friend! One of the downsides of the Free Cakes for Kids (now Bake a Wish) is that we don't usually get to see the people for whom we bake. I guess I feel sort of lucky in that out of five or so deliveries, I have actually seen the recipient a couple of times. And Nina continued that pattern for me.
On a quiet residential street in east Austin, one house was clearly bustling with activity even in the mid-July mid-afternoon heat. I tentatively pulled up to Posada Esperanza not sure exactly how this delivery would work. I had learned that Posada Esperanza was part of Casa Marianella, which I'm familiar with and have actually baked cupcakes for before. Casa Marianella provides all sorts of services for immigrant families in Austin from temporary shelter to food, clothing, and English classes and Posada Esperanza is an emergency shelter for immigrant women and their families aiming to support the well-being of the entire family. Families typically stay at Posada Esperanza longer than they might stay in the beds at Casa Marianella. I was intrigued, already supporting this place in my heart, and, as of this week, baking a cake for a little girl who was living there.
As I approached the door, two little boys ran out to meet me. I said "Hi! What a nice welcome! Is Lauren here?" They nodded, but it was clear that before they were going to tell me where I might find her I was going to have to reveal the contents of the box that I was holding.
"What's in there?", they asked eagerly. I responded, "Well, I hear it's someone's birthday today. Is it your birthday?" They grinned (I knew it wasn't their birthday because I figured that neither of them was named Nina!) and giggled, "No...it's Nina's birthday!"
Nina was sitting in the living room (I was still in the entry way) and I could not see her, but she quickly poked her head around as soon as she saw the cake box and heard the boys saying, "Nina, Nina, it's for you!" while they were literally bouncing off the walls shouting "Cake! Cake! Cake!" As if she could fly, Nina was suddenly on the stairs to my left peering at the box.
At this moment Lauren appeared and said, "Thank you so much" before I could even explain exactly who I was and why I was there. I guess she sort of had that figured out. With Nina patiently looking on, I handed the cake box over to Lauren. And as I did I said, "Well, birthday girl, would you like to see your cake or do you want it to be a surprise?" Her face lit up. "Can I see it now?" I nodded and started to open the box saying, "I think you must like dogs? Well, this cake is for a dog lover because it has paw prints all over it!" (Mind you, as you can see from the photo, I might have also felt the need to explain the decorations because I'm not very confident that my artistic skills were obvious attempts at paw prints!)
"I love it. Thank you. Thank you a lot."
"Happy birthday, Nina...I think your friends - maybe your brothers? - are excited about this cake, but I made it especially for you. Enjoy it!"
There were no more words exchanged, but I will not forget Nina's glowing face...even before she saw the cake...for a long time now.
I've actually struggled with my baking recently because there are loads of new guidelines for Bake a Wish. I understand them - and some of the pictures of cakes/treats that were made and either damaged during delivery or simply not put together very well give me an idea of why some stricter guidelines are in place. But I would hate to not be allowed to bake like this because I am not a super fancy decorator and I can't always get my buttercream frosting perfect smooth. Because I'm pretty sure that Nina didn't care about and/or notice either of those things. She reminded me that simple acts can make a difference and when I talked to Gran on my way home and told her the story of what I'd just been doing she said, "I bet you spent a lot of time on that." My reply, "Well, only because I'm not a very good decorator! For a little girl to have her own birthday cake, I would have spent even more time." Gran laughed and said, "And to think that for your first birthdays you didn't even insist on a cake of your own." Clearly I didn't know better!
So...happy birthday, Nina. Thank you for the reminder that small, personal acts can make a difference. In a world where I sometimes feel overwhelmed with all that I could be doing to try to make it a better place and where I risk feeling terribly insufficient at nearly every turn on that account, I'm glad to have things like birthday cakes with paw prints on them to re-center my thinking.

this is what 94 looks like...

...at least for Gran. She asked me if this picture was good and I told her that Jack would hate it because his eyes are closed, but that I hoped I looked that good at age 94! She said she even tried to smile...and it's a good smile for Gran! She also said she had about 12 phone calls before 9:00 a.m. with birthday wishes. Her exact words, "I guess when you get this old everyone figures they should wish you 'happy birthday' because they don't know many 94 year-olds." I told her I didn't think it had anything to do with her age! From flowers to lunch with Margaret and Jack to cards and care packages, she reported that she had a very full day. And you know what, Gran, YOU DESERVE ALL OF THAT LOVE! Happy birthday to the best Gran ever...oh, and we enjoyed some lemon ice in your honor at lunch today. XOXO...and many more!

yoga Monday...but mostly it's about freedom

I've been doing a lot of thinking about freedom today. From the seemingly insignificant freedoms that I have to the really big freedoms that I have. Ashamedly, I must admit that I really do take my freedoms for granted in that I rarely stop and think about my freedoms - from the "big" ones that are protected by our constitution here in the United States to the "small" ones that I enjoy because of where I am in my life or in this country/city or because of my race, etc... . And when I think about all of that, I feel overwhelmed with a sense of appreciation and gratitude. And I try to remember that no freedom is insignificant...or at least it wouldn't feel that way if you were in danger of losing it. I don't know why I'm feeling this more profoundly this year than I have in other years. Maybe it's a by-product of two weeks on a Navajo reservation and doing a lot of thinking about their freedoms...or lack thereof...over the course of history...and currently. Maybe it's because there is so much unrest in the world that I can't help but be mindful of the many, many people who do not have much freedom. Or any freedom at all. In a very childish way I wish I had a magic wand to wave over the world and grant freedom to everyone...but instead I've made a point (at least today, but hopefully for many days to come) to be grateful and prayerful. Grateful to everyone who has ever done anything to preserve my freedoms. And prayerful for those who do not have the same freedoms that I do. That's my 4th of July wish.
A little 4th of July treat to myself...yoga class with Deralyn. It was awesome. As I knew it would be. Letting my head hang and letting things roll off and out of it. Amazing to me how heavy it was/is...too much thinking? Maybe it's time for more feeling...re-setting that head-heart connection that always seems to be in need of a re-set for me! Also got to spend some time with Erin and Joe (and Sam and June)...and my plants...and my condo as my weekend 'o cleaning/organizing comes to a close. What a relief to have the bulk of it behind me. There is still much to be done, but the biggest challenges are behind me. Or so I think!
Hoping to catch some fireworks on TV tonight as (all?) shows around Austin have been canceled because it's so dry...funny how I didn't realize that nearly all of my 4th of Julys for a long time had some fireworks as part of them. Even if it was by chance on a drive home from someplace else or because I could walk outside of my house and see them over Town Lake. Glad for those memories to take me through these dry spells...and while I'm wishing for things like freedom for all, I'll also wish for some rain!! Happy 4th of July friends...here's to all of the freedoms that we enjoy.

and so it began...

After two days in the suburbans (which held up AMAZINGLY well...thanks be to God), we arrived in Tohatchi on June 12. A place that was not familiar to any of us. A place that I would like to say rose up out of the western New Mexico landscape like an oasis. But it didn't. It did have a "Welcome to Tohatchi" sign in the hillside that we nearly missed because the colors blended in with the golds and browns of the landscape so well. Turns out that sign was sort of essential to our finding our way since our directions from Patrick Keptner (our "go-to guy" in NM) were something like: "go past the Tohatchi sign and look for two c-stores...they will be on your left. Just a little past that, on your right, there is a sign for a school. Turn right there and go up the hill to the top of the mesa. Go past the guard house and the school and turn in past the Mesaview house. Daric will meet you in front of the Chuska Hill home. See you soon!" (Pat...do you not know that we'll be driving with eight students who are trusting us implicitly and these loose directions make us a wee bit nervous?! I shouldn't have worried - story of my life. The directions were perfect as the mesa rose up to our right and we easily found our way there.)
Just as planned, mid-afternoon that first day, we arrived at the Chuska Hill youth home that would be our "home sweet home" for the next two weeks. It had PLENTY of space...a large living room, an eating area, a spacious kitchen with a walk-in pantry that I LOVED, a laundry room, and then a girls hall (complete with six bedrooms + a bathroom) and a boys hall that matched the girls hall. The students set about settling while we adults threw our stuff in rooms and then sat on the front porch to talk to Daric. Pat was due to visit us at some point but that was also a little loose...this was a reminder to me that these trips are like this. Not necessarily on a tight schedule. More flexible than my day-to-day life at home with regard to "meetings" with people. And there is something both unnatural and refreshing about this to me. I got my first dose of it on that very first afternoon in Tohatchi!
After nearly an hour of chatting with Daric, he took Doug B. and me on a (quick) tour of Tohatchi. Well, at least the part of Tohatchi that would be our main stomping ground. He also explained to us the different sort of work that might be available to us on the jobsite that he was working on. I'm not sure he knew then that we were going to be his students for the next two weeks! Across the road from where we were staying - in the Ch'oosghai "neighborhood". The roads were a mix of paved and unpaved. The little loop included six or seven churches (one of which we would visit on Sunday), homes, two schools (including Tohatchi High School), a clinic, and the main offices/campus of TAOS - the Tohatchi Area of Opportunity Services. What a rich hub of opportunities (for lack of a better word) right there in Tohatchi (population around 1,000). The rest of the day brought the lackluster tasks of dinner (at Big Cheese Pizza!) and shopping (okay, that was NOT lackluster in the Gallup WalMart shopping with Doug B., Miles, and Patrick B. - as we attempted to stock our home with food for eleven for the next week...just how many loaves of bread, pounds of lunch meat, boxes of cereal, gallons of milk, etc... would we need? At 9:00 p.m., when we finally got our start on the shopping adventure I was glad I'd made some guess at quantities when I made the list because my brain was mush and buying for one - my usual gig - is VERY different from buying for eleven!) We came out pretty well that night...and the boys even found some cowboy hats. The best deal was how thrifty we'd been as shoppers. I was amazed at how much we'd been able to get for not that much money (relatively speaking). Since I was in charge of overseeing our budget while we were on this trip, I was constantly aware of how much we were spending, how much we had left in the budget, how many expenses would be ahead of us...on some days, the sound of coins clinking was the background music in my head as I tried to make sure that we ended up even...if not a little bit ahead so that the next service trip would have a little buffer in the account.
After unloading the groceries, having a quick meeting to go over the details of the next day (well, what we knew of them!), we easily fell into our beds with the cool night breeze beckoning us to sleep. I would come to look forward to that breeze every night.

Go west young men and women...and three chaperones

So June was sort of a "start-stop" operation when it comes to my blog. But there is a good reason! (I know, I always think I have a good reason, but this time I think it really is valid!) From June 11-26 I was in Tohatchi, New Mexico with eight students and two colleagues for one of our Jr. Experience trips. Yes, we have this wonderful, quirky, (potentially...hopefully) life-changing graduation requirement that our students spend two weeks in a dramatically different environment. I happen to have invested a lot of time, energy, thought, and summer breaks to this graduation requirement because I believe in it so strongly. (I'm not the only one!!! As a faculty, we're really committed to this graduation requirement.) I've been to Oaxaca, Mexico (with the entire 9th grade...something we did NOT repeat again!) and to Costa Rica for an Outward Bound program. But the majority of my trips (I figured this past one was my eighth Jr. Experience!) have been service trips...first to Honduras (to an Episcopal church and school in Villanueva - outside of San Pedro Sula); then to Beards Fork, West Virginia; and this past time to Tohatchi, New Mexico. In Honduras we taught elementary age students English and we helped restore the school and church there - lots of painting, cleaning, cement mixing, sand hauling, wall building...eventually a classroom took shape! In Beards Fork we worked through Global Volunteers with a program that has been established there. I have great memories of my weeks there with St. Andrew's students and colleagues plus Artie, Dave, Sue, Daniel, and others... The holler, the beauty of Appalachia...I think because of my childhood summers spent on the Cumberland Plateau in Tennessee, I always felt like my time in WV was a bit of a "homecoming" experience plunging me back to the days of little creeks running by and kudzu vine climbs over everything. My heart is really committed to running service trips as Jr. Experience options...and I have also felt drawn to domestic service trips. WV fit the bill nicely, but last summer a colleague and I dreamed up a trip that we might be able to do by driving...thus reducing the cost of the trip overall. Another thing that I feel committed to. I don't think we have to spend oodles of money or go half-way around the world to serve. Heck, I could probably even create a trip right here in Austin that would be incredibly life-changing...but I haven't delved into that too much right now because I recognize there are inevitable challenges in separating from home and getting to see your own life from an outsider's perspective when you haven't actually left your city. (More on this later...) As a school, we'd already traveled east...so we looked west. We considered El Paso. We considered places in Oklahoma. But the response that we got from the folks in Tohatchi seemed the most promising.
So after nearly a year of planning, three of us faculty members hopped in two suburbans with eight students spread out between the vehicles and we headed west...out of Austin, through Lubbock and other parts of west Texas (complete with the wind farms that I'm slightly obsessed with...check out the picture to the right), spent the night in Clovis, New Mexico at St. James Church...and then continued on I-40 (where we sometimes saw a "Historic Route 66" marker!)...through Albuquerque, toward Gallup where we hit 491 and headed north...until we reached Tohatchi. And the days that followed from there are another story...to be told over a number of posts...that will hopefully be on your screens before this month's end.

friday quotation

When you have done all that you can do, give it up to the part of yourself that is divine.
~Oprah Winfrey