friday quotation

As I look back on 2010, there are so many feelings, words, memories attached to it. Moments that brought greater warmth to my heart and a bigger smile to my face than I'd experienced in a long time. Moments that broke my heart and made it feel pain that I'd forgotten it could feel. Moments that humbled me. Moments where I felt very proud (and not necessarily of myself...but that, too). I searched for complicated ways to describe the year and I kept coming back to something very simple that seemed to sum it all up. And that seemed to sum up how I feel as 2010 closes and 2011 begins.

Happily grateful.

That is what I am.
Happy.
Grateful.
And, therefore, happily grateful.

Thanks to everyone who's been a part of 2010...I'm blessed. And hoping to return the blessings tenfold as a new year unfolds. Peace, love, health, joy, courage, compassion, belief in something bigger than yourself (a.k.a. faith), and laughter to all in 2011. XOXO - etg

peaceful warrior

According to Yoga Journal the "warrior pose can teach you how to act with wisdom, courage, and unwavering focus." Ah. Nice.
Today in yoga we hit "peaceful warrior" pose (see picture) several times and I simply fell in love with the idea of being a peaceful warrior. Maybe that is my persona for 2011.
In all of the warrior poses there is something about being firmly grounded by your legs - finding strength there - while at the same time reaching for the sky or the space around you - signifying rising energy. I love these ideas. I do want to remain rooted in what I know to be true, in my sources of strength, but I also want to be ever-reaching for new things, representing growth and evolution. And yet the whole idea of doing it all in a peaceful, organic way, makes me really happy. This pose definitely stretches you (literally and figuratively) and I feel like there are unlimited spaces of expansion. And yet I feel strong when I am there. Not so strong that I couldn't be toppled by a strong wind or a shove - that's the part that keeps us human and reminds us that we are vulnerable. But strong enough to not fall over at the slightest breeze - that's the part that reminds me that I have a strong foundation built up over 37 years of life. So although it's still a few days away, 2011 that is, I've already chosen by pose for the year - peaceful warrior - hooray!

Merry Christmas!

A good friend has used this as her email signature for the entire month of December and I find myself reading it time and time again as a reminder of what this season is all about. Today, I'll share it with you (at risk of being accused of posting two quotations back-to-back!):

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

I have to think that's a pretty good start to creating the world that we all want to live in (or that I think we all want to live in?). Throw in a little peace on earth, kindness and compassion to a stranger, patience with everyone (especially...even...yourself), self-compassion, and the belief in new beginnings and we just might be on to something. Keep faith that there is something/someone more powerful, more loving, and wiser than all of us looking out for the best for each of us as the backdrop...and a hope and belief that the future is even brighter than the most wonderful moments in the past...and I think we just might have a chance at living life to the fullest.
And I guess that's what I have as my Christmas wish this year...full and meaningful and healthy and love-filled lives for everyone. Not just those near and dear to me, but definitely for them, too! But for the child who isn't sure where her next meal is coming from. And for the man on the corner who looks to be all alone in this world. And for the person who seems to be "rich" and yet is sad and feels "poor". And for the woman in the hospital unsure of when healing is coming. And hope, hope, hope for everyone in the world that whatever is missing in our lives is just around the corner...maybe in the form of some Christmas miracle of our very own.
Merry Christmas one and all...

friday quotation

My Christmas Eve wish for you...

authenticity and vulnerability

A few months ago, I wrote to a friend that some years ago I'd promised myself that I was not going to live my life in fear of things. In other words, I was not going to not do things because I was afraid of the outcome. I don't remember any one thing being the wake-up call for me. I just remember one day realizing that I'd lived my life in "safe mode" for a long time. Note - this is not always a bad thing! But it sometimes meant that I was holding back, not putting myself out there, not saying or doing things because I was afraid I might fail or make a fool of myself or get hurt. The downside of this was that by playing it so safe, I was missing out. Missing out on parts of relationships. Missing out on some adventures in life. Missing out on being truly me. This is not to say that I wasn't being me...but I was not being fully me. For fear of rejection. For fear of falling short of my own expectations. For, for, for...for so many things. So I've been practicing being more fully me in the last few years.
As a result, I've felt a lot better about the life that I'm living and the relationships I'm creating or continuing. It's a more freeing way to live. But it's also a scarier way to live. One that leaves me with a more peaceful heart at the end of the day...but one that also makes my heart race a little more on a daily basis!
This quotation from Brene Brown helped me realize just why I feel this way. It's about "authenticity" and I just love it...and keep trying to live it.
"Authenticity is a daily practice.
Choosing authenticity means I'm cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit; nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.
Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving - even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it.
Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, and joy, and gratitude into our lives."

friday quotation

peace.
it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

(easier said than done! but still a beautiful aspiration...)

Tuesday thoughts

So evidently I am still capable of doing more than a Friday quotation post...although barely.
Yoga was AMAZING this morning. (Last week was amazing in another way in that I shed tears for some part of it...not that I was surprised at that. It was a teary Monday evening and yoga just pushed all of those buttons again as I already felt vulnerable as I hopped on my mat.) Today was a totally different story. I was more flexible than I've been in months. Nothing hurt and so I didn't hold back. Wheel pose twice...I was there. Pigeon...yes, that as well. I pushed myself into crow...or my shaky version of it...for a nano-second. (Trust me, it was no longer than a nano-second.)
I felt like I was in uncharted yoga territory. Wonder if that's where I'm heading in general? Oddly enough for this "play it safe" girl, it felt good...and I felt strong and steady and confident and excited and ready to try new things. So maybe flexibility and new stuff in yoga = flexibility and new stuff in life. Could be exciting...

friday quotation

I seem to be only posting once a week these days...I'm not really sure why. Life is full of all sorts of good and wonderful things and more downtime than usual, but I guess I'm building fires in my fireplace, reading, catching up with friends and on chores, and getting more sleep instead of blogging!
However, if I'm only going to post one thing this week (which appears to be the case), I'm glad it's this.

"The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."
~Elizabeth Edwards

friday quotation

Need I say more?

friday quotation

Be bold...be thankful...be quiet...be original...be spontaneous...be punctual...be a star...be young...be loving...be crazy...be loud...be random...be adorable...be unique...be daring...be obnoxious...be yourself.

And to my IMAZ friends...be awesome...be your best...be good to one another on the course...and be looking for your loving teammates and cheerleaders!!!! So proud of you!!! Such an honor to be here with you!!!

the mind is a funny thing

One day it has me waking up and checking to make sure that my passport is valid first thing in the morning. (I'm not sure where I think I'm going!)
Another day it has me checking a flight only to realize I've booked it for the wrong city and need to get a rental car. Geez. Thankfully it was in the same state.
IMAZ friends, I promise my brain will be in better shape when I'm cheering you on this weekend. I won't tell you to pedal hard before the swim.
I can't tell you what a privilege it's going to be. Lucky for you the air is dry there, otherwise the tears of excitement would probably be flowing all day. SO very proud of you. More than you can imagine. And my mind DOES know what it's saying when it says that.

floating fish...

...and other fun things in San Antonio!
What a great day hanging out with Amy in SA as we started by cheering on friends and lots of friendly strangers in the San Antonio Rock 'n Roll 1/2 marathon and marathon...then made our way to a great lunch (complete with EGGS! and HOT TEA!) at Madhatters...and eventually to part of the River Walk where we saw a tree dedicated to Amy's dad and FLOATING FISH!! (Courtesy of Amy's mom who wanted the art along the River Walk to be interactive so as you pass under I-35 there are things like these floating fish...that apparently light up at night.) You have no idea what a big goofy grin I had on my face when I saw these. Might need to go back there one evening to see them aglow...
Home in time for grocery shopping, Goodwill clothes dropping, work getting done, and soup making! YES! It's soup weather again and with the chill in the air I'm all sorts of giddy. Productive + fun weekend with friends and even a little tour of my artist side and a road trip...can't ask for much more. Okay, well, except for maybe next weekend when at this time I'll be cheering my little lungs out for my IMAZ friends...assuming I still have lungs and a voice left to use.

perfect day for...

...a bike ride...and then some art...and then some cleaning.
Got to share Amy's LAST pre-IMAZ ride with her - woot!
Got to explore the studios in east Austin and check out some of the very cool art here in this city...some of my favorites: Catherine Dudley, Brian David Johnson, Matt Wester, Peggy Weiss, Sarah Wilson, and a few others whom I cannot remember now. A beautiful fall day for roaming in and out of studio spaces.
And then home for some long overdue cleaning and filing...ahh...that feels good!

friday quotation

Accidents and inspiration lead us to our destination...

birthday, birthday swim, s'mores, zen swim, yoga...

...evidently I need to blog a little more often these days. What's new since I last blogged? Well, a lot. And not a lot.
Saturday brought my birthday and in true fashion where I try to do something to celebrate life, health, and all of that good stuff, I signed up for a 5K swim at the lake above Mansfield Dam. I usually do the Race for the Cure each year, and conveniently it is usually on or around my birthday. But Fisher Works was being baptized on Sunday so Race for the Cure wouldn't be happening this year. I happily signed up for a 5K swim instead. In fact, THIS might become my annual birthday celebratory event.
The morning was COLD. As in the low 40s, high 30s cold. The water was right around 70 so that felt like a bathtub compared to the air temp. The swim was delayed due to fog...which really was quite thick. But luckily it lifted within 30 minutes or so of our (Amy & Matt Bush who ferried me into the park...Amy was swimming, Matt was kayaking for Amy) arrival. I say luckily because standing in the morning air, even with our many layers on, was making my teeth chatter. The gathering of swimmers was pretty small - maybe 25-30 of us? And what struck me was how unlike a triathlon this was. Not a lot of grumbling over the delay. Very little in the way of complaints about the email explaining the race that arrived the night before the event. And not really very many questions about the course even though it was nearly impossible to see any course markings. I liked this atmosphere. I was a little nervous...but mostly because I never felt quite certain about where exactly we were going to swim. But I didn't have much time to think about that because suddenly we had 8 minutes to get ready and get in the water. That got my adrenalin pumping...enough so to get me into the water...which suddenly felt chilly even though it was nearly 30 degrees warmer than the air temperature! Into the water we went...heard the blow of the air horn...and we were off. Immediately, I felt at ease. Long, smooth strokes. Easy breathing. Comfortable in the water. Ah...I was at home. And there were so few people that I really felt like I had the lake to myself - especially on the backside of the swim. The only bad thing about that was that as I headed toward the dam - because that was the only landmark that was worth siting by - I would have given my eye teeth to have seen another swimmer or a kayaker. Someone asked me if I was afraid out there in the lake without being aware of another soul around. I said, "No...I was just scared I was totally disoriented and was swimming in the wrong direction!" Finally, I saw the finish line...or I saw the buoys marking the finish line. And then I became aware of someone off my right shoulder. I kept my pace, picked it up a little, and kept my eye on that other swimmer. As I got close enough to the finish line to be able to really pick it up and hold a faster pace, I did just that. I kept thinking, "I'm a kick-tastic, and today is my birthday, and I'll be damned if you are going to beat me." And she didn't. But was only behind me by 2 seconds. All of that time swimming alone in the middle of the lake and I ended up finishing within 2 seconds of someone else. That's a little funny to me! The folks at the finish line said it was the most exciting finish of the day - glad to entertain. Anyway, I finished with a big old grin (and not just because I was finished!)...what a fun time. Yes, I had worked hard (but never more than probably 85-90%) but I felt good...not beaten down like you do after even a 5K run. Hmmm...I might be on to something here. And I was pretty pleased to have finished in the top 10! (And second in my AG...take that 37 year-old self!) Anyway, the morning was still brisk when I hopped out of the water, but the sun was out, and after putting on some warm clothes, it actually felt like a beautiful fall day. A great day for a birthday!
I got to drive around Austin in the sunshine-y weather doing errands and being generally happy. The evening brought dinner with Amy and then S'MORES!!!! with friends. We tried to go to the Holy Cacao trailer where you can make your own s'mores and have hot chocolate under festive lights in a really laid back trailer park. (What trailer park isn't laid back, right?!) But we failed to think about the Gypsy Picnic which highlighted tons of trailer food down in Auditorium Shores and consequently closed down the Holy Cacao for the night. Boo. Enter the best, most flexible friends in the world who after trolling through their brains for dessert places decided that the point of the evening was, after all, S'MORES and agreed to go to Amy's to make S'MORES in her fireplace. The only thing that topped that great event was the fact that Jess made homemade mint chocolate chip ice cream...seriously delicious, folks. So, I was in my own little sugar and friend induced bit of heaven as I rounded out my first day as a 37 year-old.
The next day brought Fisher Works' baptism which was as much a highlight as my birthday! Getting to be with Kimberly, John, Fisher, and all of their family was a real treat and an honor. And in true form, Fisher behaved perfectly. Seriously, he makes all other kids look bad! The day was gorgeous once again and everything felt a little bit right with the world.
On to some sign making at Catharine's house to encourage the IMAZ folks in a little over a week along the race course...and then to an endowment concert at the Austin Music Hall featuring Bob Schneider. It ended up being much more fun than I would have anticipated which was a nice surprise. Got the chance to talk to people more than I thought...and managed to avoid "business" chatter which sometimes happens. All in all...a smile inducing, heart-warming weekend. I got ZERO work done but that was okay...even if I knew I'd pay for it all week.
Zen swim on Monday...meeting after school that night...and then finally a chance to stop and breathe at Tuesday a.m. yoga. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Met a new teacher named Katy whom Deralyn had recommended and she was good. The class moved quickly but in a purposeful way...not just to rush through it. And maybe that felt good because it sort of mirrored my life...moving quickly but in a purposeful way...not just to rush through it. Feels good.

friday quotation

Note to self:

Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, for you shall only live it once. Be comfortable with growing older.
~Louise Hay

for all the saints...

Yesterday was the day where we celebrate All Souls' Day at St. Andrew's. Some years ago a colleague and friend of mine suggested that we use the day in chapel to celebrate all the "saints" in our lives who are no longer with us. The result was a slideshow that included pictures of grandparents, parents, friends, cousins, pets, etc... People or furry-creatures who were near and dear to us but had passed away. It's one of the most powerful services we have all year. It's also one of the saddest - but in a sweet, sad way.
I was so overwhelmed by emotion yesterday - my usual tears but also just a deep, deep sense of gratitude and connection. So I wrote this to share with my colleagues:

I am thankful for...this community and being a part of it.

I know that the "I am thankful for..." service is coming up later this month but as I sat in my office all afternoon, as I'm sitting here at home this evening, and as I sat in chapel today, I find myself feeling overwhelmed (yet again) by this place and the people that make it what it is. What a treasure to have a chapel service like we had today - even if my eyes are still burning from crying. As always, it's a time of the day that draws us together, but today's service seems to do it in a more profound way. It humanizes us; it connects us at a very basic level of love and loss. It makes me sad for the people who are no longer in our lives. But, as one colleague reminded me (just when I needed reminding), it makes me glad that as a community we have so very many people (and furry friends) who are special to us that we would be able to have a slideshow like that. I thought about the people in the slideshow who are of no relation to me and yet feel like family because they are extensions of this St. Andrew's family. And that means something to me. (Well, it means a lot to me.)
So, thank you to everyone else who had a hand in the slideshow - either putting it together or making sure we could see it and hear it today. I will sleep better tonight remembering today and knowing that I get to go back to SAS again tomorrow.

And it's true. I was struck by the number of deaths that I'd experienced over the 15 years that I've been at St. Andrew's. Not in my own personal family but the loved ones of my St. Andrew's family. That was touching and tough. But all in all, it made me feel surrounded by a host of loving folks here on earth and all sorts of saints in the world to come...

zen swim and the wrong road

Monday's BSP swim was the best I've had in a while. Maybe because I was well-rested. Maybe because the springs were relatively empty. Maybe because I finally got to swim as long as I wanted to...well, that's impossible (I would have swum all day had that been the case!)...but I did get to swim a little longer than usual because I was awake earlier than usual because I went to bed earlier than usual. Funny how that extra sleep thing works! (Yes, Amy, I do listen to you sometimes!) Anyway, both the extra sleep and the uplifting BSP swim were needed to tackle the crazy day of November 1 which, this year, brought not only many early decision/action applications to my world but also two self-study reports! I felt like my load had been lightened so much by the end of the day that my run around Town Lake that evening turned into a mini ETG time trial! (Only matched by my Tuesday run in the rain and cooler temps...)
Tuesday brought a change-up. I'm switching up my yoga days so that I can try a different teacher. Today it was Vic - who I love. Even when he's only a (self-described) half-awake Vic at 6 a.m. :) He's thoughtful, challenging, and wise. And I really appreciate that. Today's little nugget as he made sure we were in the right position for a certain posture, "If you're not in the right place, correct it now. Don't keep going. It's like a Chinese proverb I once heard: No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, once you realize it's the wrong road, turn back." I loved that. It's a reminder to me that it's not too late to start over. That we can't undo what we've done but we certainly don't have to keep making the same mistakes, traveling down the wrong road. It is sometimes inconvenient to retrace our steps. It usually takes more time. It's sometimes painful. But it's ultimately better than continuing on the wrong road!

friday quotation

I am...

I've been thinking a lot lately about what defines people. Is it the people around them? Is it what they do? Or maybe what they don't do? Is it what they say? Is it what they believe? Is it how they treat a perfect stranger? And a best friend? Is is what people around them define them as?
I used to teach a class called "Identity and Community" and we usually spent the earlier months of class looking inward at the self, in an attempt to define ourselves. We would complete the sentence "I am..." and it was always interesting to see just how many of the ways we defined ourselves were connected to what we did or our relationships with others.

I am a daughter, granddaughter, step-daughter, half-sister, cousin, niece...
I am a college counselor.
I am a swimmer.
I am a triathlete.
I am a student.

You get the picture.

And then there was always another layer of "I am..." statements that delved a little further into our actual being.

The last "I am..." statement that I wrote was about four years ago (can't believe it's been that long since I taught that class!). I pulled it back out the other day because I have been thinking a lot about who I am lately. Funny that a lot of it still applies today. Funny the things that are missing from it...and some things that are on it that I would perhaps delete today...or at least edit. At any rate, I think it's time to re-write my "I am..." statement as I restructure my free time, balance my life a little more between work-play-exercise (see, I can't even call it training! still figuring that out...), re-focus on things that I've lost touch with, remind myself of what it really is that makes my heart beat and make sure that those things are in my life, and ultimately just PAUSE and re-frame. I think it's good to do this every once in a while. Because even though I feel like everything is still moving at a crazy fast speed and the hours are very full, my life is actually less structured than it has been in about four years and there's something that's both terrifying and wonderful about that!
It's frightening to not have a completely clear direction...and exciting at the same time. I'm growing more at peace with the not knowing, with the openness that not having a road map allows, and with the possibilities that might be around the next turn.
And in the meantime, the things "I am..." that I am certain of and that remain the same make me smile because after all, I am...

...a friend. And one who cares. And one who loves. And one who listens.
...one who forgives. And one who has been forgiven.
...slow to answer yet quick to cry. Strong yet sensitive. Curious yet scared.
...one to whom people turn. And one who does not always understand why.
...passionate and shy. Active and calm. Both a leader and a follower.
...the peacekeeper and the pleaser, sometimes at my own expense.
...one who prefers a gathering of friends in my home to a large crowd at a concert.
...wanting to know others and be known by them, but sometimes frightened by the idea of it all.
...one who dreamed of fitting in with the "cool" crowd, realized she never could, and ultimately became okay with that!
...appreciative of warm smiles and small tokens of kindness.
...a believe that a little love can go a long way in this world.
...one who thought she would be in a different place right now but who is utterly grateful for what she has.
...the responsible one.
...a hard worker who sometimes works herself too hard.
...a runner because it is good for me.
...a swimmer because it makes me feel good.
...a lover of summer rainstorms with bright lightening and crsip autumn days that tease of the winter ahead.
...a believer in second chances and new beginnings.
...more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt than in a formal dress.
...one who would rather hit the open trail than the streets of New York City.
...a cherisher of written messages from those who care for me.
...one who strives to be healthy but has at times taken it too far.
...the creator of dreams of sunrise hikes with cool mountain lakes waiting at the end.
...patient and quiet...especially with others.
...comforted by a fleece and a mug of coffeee on a lazy weekend morning.
...known by my friends for falling asleep in the middle of movies but for waking up at the end.
...non-judgmental.
...not one who speeds on the road but one who sometimes wants to speed up her life.
...not one to let go of friends easily but one who needs time to build those friendships.
...a lover of a good book where the author paints pictures with words.
...one who can be mesmerized by sunsets or the ocean surf or a field pusling with fireflies.
...a planner who wishes she were more spontaneous because it looks like more fun.

And a few more things...to be written at a later date...

friday farmshare

Lots of stuff that I don't know what to do with...turnips...chard...time to crack open the cookbooks!

where did my intention go?!

Every yoga practice we're asked to choose an intention. And usually one comes to me pretty clearly. I either feel like I need to focus on being present or letting go of something or form or breathing or something. Today: NOTHING. Literally, a total blank. Maybe that was actually an intention in and of itself - a chance to take a break, to start with a clean slate, to not worry about my intention but to just be... It was a tad unnerving. But the class was still good. And maybe that's another life lesson. I don't always have to have an intention. Even in living a purposeful life, not every moment has to be purposeful - or at least the purpose doesn't have to be obvious to me. Sometimes just being and flowing is what I need to do...and after about an hour of it, it started to feel more comfortable.
Funny, as I tried to connect this with my life, I found parallels all over the place. I have few to no real intentions when it comes to my training these days. And while sometimes that is unsettling, it's also really nice to be able to workout as the spirit moves me. And I'm excited about what that extra time will allow me to do and who it will allow me to be. And in work, I have my lists of plans and intentions but they are rarely fulfilled and I decided that I could either get completely worked up and stressed about (and I have! and probably still will!) or I could let it go a little. Still work to get my "to do" list done but also cut myself some slack in some areas...let go of the intentions so to speak. It's a really tough thing for me to so but I'm working on it. And maybe, just maybe, there will come a moment like in yoga class today where my life and mind take over and there is simply no intention to be had. And I guess when that happens, you just live. I like the thought of that.

friday quotation

Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move toward the unknown - even when we don't want to and when we think we don't need to.
~Paulo Coehlo

zen swim...and a little more

Monday and my time at Barton Springs feels like a very long time ago...and it's only Wednesday. But it's the second half of the bookend that started last Wednesday with the college fair that I help coordinate and culminated with PSAT/Essay Editing Day today. With so much in between that it would have been a tight squeeze to put anything else between those two events. Relieved. Grateful that everything went well. And looking forward to getting some more sleep sometime soon.
The good news is that in the midst of it all I was able to keep in my life the things that I love. Perhaps not enough of them. But some bit of them to remind me that I'm more than my work, which I was beginning to doubt.
I started my week off with my favorite "zen swim" at Barton Springs (and, as you might remember, found myself there 4 times last week!). And while I was there, swimming in the quiet waters, watching the dark night slip away and be replaced by the dawn, I realized that this is one of my "happy places" in Austin...perhaps on earth. There's just something about it. The waters are calming - but water always has been for me. The way that I feel when I'm swimming makes me think for a moment that I'm graceful and strong and in control. And the connection I feel to the earth and the world around me is at once very powerful and very distant...like I'm deep in our water-covered planet and also in some other underwater universe.
Anyway, I had plenty of time to get lost in my thoughts since I decided to do a longer swim there (8 laps on Monday morning). And one of the chapters of my thoughts was about the project that a student of mine is doing and invited me to be part of. It's going to highlight people's passions. It's a "photo essay relating loosely to the theme of individuals making the world a better place by doing what they love to do." She also writes that she is "particularly drawn to how our choice of activities shapes our identity - for ourselves and for others." She asked some of us from school for permission to snap our photograph while we are doing what we love.
Flattered. Humbled. Embarrassed. Yes. All of those things. But I said yes - hopefully she will touch up the photos! So inevitably, my mind has ventured down the "and just what do you love?" path. And then, when you figure that out, just how does it make the world a better place? Or does it? And how does it shape my identity? Or does it?
Well, let me tell you that once you go through those questions, you're pretty much convinced that there's nothing to photograph except for a face of a puzzled you.
But I said, "yes" - I really do find my students difficult to turn down...but I'm also intrigued by this project. I think it's neat and thoughtful and genuine. All things I admire and aspire to be.
But I'm finding that I really have no idea what she will photograph me doing. I'm curious to see what she's thinking of for me. But I'm also trying to think of things myself. There's being with friends. My job. Talking to family on the phone (and hearing Gran say, "hi, love!"). Swimming. Eating snocones. Baking. Listening to music and podcasts. Reading. Bringing a smile to other people's faces. Yoga. And swimming at Barton Springs and showering there and the smiley, very pleasant-except-when-she's-fussing-at-us woman there who Amy thinks I'm destined to be...
And then it occurred to me that maybe my passion could be swimming...and that the picture could be in BSP (head shot only, of course!)... And I was liking this. Except for I'm not sure how it improves the lives of anyone in this planet except mine!
I do know that I got to swim on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday this week and I'll go again this Friday and that in this off season, it seems to be the thing I keep coming back to. That and yoga. And that on Tuesday night I tackled side crow in yoga class. Zoe, our teacher, kept saying, "Let the air flow through you. What could you do if it was just about breathing? You could maybe do side crow." I'm thinking, "I could maybe get one foot off the floor..." And then that became both feet. And suddenly I was doing a modified version of crow. Take that you bird pose! I was doing side crow. And it felt empowering and exhilarating. And while I would like to claim yoga as my passion...I haven't spent enough time with it yet. Water. Swimming. Those are things that are lifelong pals for me. I think maybe they will be part of this photography project. Unless you have other ideas for me?

friday farmshare

"We lose our souls if we lose the experience of the forest, the butterflies, the song of the birds, if we can't see the stars at night." ~Thomas Berry

default workout

So, I've ended up at Barton Springs every morning. Mostly because of late nights of working that have made getting up for 5:45 a.m. practices unthinkable. Correction. I think about it the night before and have the best plans to get up and then the alarm goes off or I don't hear the alarm and it's really just not an option! And oddly enough, contrary to the usual ETG style, I'm okay with it. Which is a good sign that I'm taking this off-season thing seriously. And I've discovered my default mode: Barton Springs Pool. Yep. I'm 4-for-4 this week with swimming there in the a.m. Alternating between shorter swims and a longer swim. Sometimes with paddles and pull buoy. Sometimes just swimming. Never with a wetsuit (recently). And I am happy, happy, happy when I get to start my day that way. I'd head there tomorrow, too, but with the Austin City Limits Music Festival starting up and parking diverted to another, less convenient lot, I'm going to skip it on Friday morning. Too bad. The mornings have been BEAUTIFUL at BSP. Mist hovering over the water. Watching the sunrise after a lap or two in the dark. Starting in the charcoal gray water that becomes a green-blue that is much more inviting and certainly warmer. Okay, it's not really warmer. And it doesn't change color. But it feels warmer as the sun brightens it up! Happy days starting with the springs and a "camp" shower...even if it takes my toes 45 minutes to warm up after. (Two colleagues came into my office this morning and said, "What are you baking in here?" It took me a minute for me to get it but I then responded, "Oh, I'm not baking. I'm defrosting. Let's talk after you've been swimming in BSP!")

from yoga Monday to zen swim

Yes...that is what Mondays have become for me since yoga has now moved to Thursday. One of my teammates used to tease me about getting in some extra meters/yards at the end of each workout and I told him it was my "zen swim" time b/c I didn't think about anything (breathing, form, speed, etc...) I just did what I love to do...I swam. And this morning I got to do the same thing at Barton Springs on a chilly, fall morning with the mist hovering over the water and the sun making its way into the world while I saw away. Very few people there. Just the regulars and a few aqua joggers. And the peacefulness of the springs. And a swim there without a wetsuit. Okay, I'll admit it, the initial shock is quite intense but once I swim a 400 or 800 I'm used to it and it feels really nice to not be squeezed into neoprene while I swim. I can feel the water against my skin and I feel like I'm floating. Maybe not as much as I'm floating with a wetsuit! But floating through the water much more freely than if I were trying to be some long-lost neoprene-clad cousin of a seal. Besides, the long distance swims I want to do cannot be done with a wetsuit (according to the rules) so I need to get used to this!
I thought I was going to miss "yoga Mondays" but if I get to replace it with this, then it will be okay. There is something thought-provoking and wonderful about both places...and especially the springs as the weather gets colder, the crowds thin out, and the water feels warmer.
P.S. If I'm 80+ and still swimming in the springs, please let me be the lady with the flowers on her swimcap who jumps off the diving board...please, please, please!
P.P.S. My day ended with water, too...on the floor of my condo...from the folks up above me. Thank goodness for wood and tile floors and beach towels galore. But what a mess. New-found appreciation for anyone who's ever been flooded before. And now to bed...in hopes that I don't wish I'd slept with goggles on!

have I mentioned...

...that my mom is an amazing card picker-outer?! She's a great gift giver, too...hands down the best in the family. We've taken a vote and it was unanimous. But I like her cards the best. This one arrived this past week. Simply the best! Thanks, Mom. The words will make me work to live up to the message. Love you.
P.S. Little plug for this card company - Positively Green. Makes it tough to make a bad choice when it comes to cards! (Got one from Amy on my b'day and immediately took to looking for the cards for everyone else's b'day!)

friday quotation

Peace comes from living in the moment and looking for the good in others. Peacefulness comes from facing our fears and letting them go - trusting that things will turn out all right.

This quotation seems to reflect where my heart is right now...and it feels good. (Now to find the same peace with my workload!)

almost as sweet...

...as the birthday treats they were talking about.

A colleague shared a Facebook exchange between two of my former advisees that simply warmed my heart:

"Happy birthday! I wish we were in Miss Guice's office celebrating with some wonderful birthday treat that she baked."

And another emailed me just this week with words that nearly jumped from the screen they were so full of excitement over her experiences at college. And yet another emailed me worried that he had not landed in the right place and was wondering if I could talk to him this weekend to make sense of it all. And amidst it all, profuse thanks. Unnecessary thanks.

Little do they know, the joy is all mine. Thank you, students, for still filling my heart to overflowing even when you've moved on to new adventures.

last yoga Monday

At least for a while. Not that I'm giving up on yoga. Nope. Not by a long shot. I realized I've been doing it consistently (once a week...would love for it to become twice a week but not sure how I'm gonna swing that) for over a year now. Hooray! I really do love it. And I love, love, love starting my week with it. But the schedule at Yoga Vida is switching and so now it will be "yoga Thursday" because the Monday class would make me late to work.
Does "yoga Thursday" have the same ring to it as "yoga Monday"? I don't think so. But then again, there's nothing that catchy about "yoga Monday" except that it sounded nice to me!
And not only will the time of the class change but the teacher is likely to change, too. Warning: that's A LOT of change for me in one week :) Changing days that I'm doing yoga, changing yoga teachers, and changing run coaches since Logan's last week of coaching is this week.
Maybe all of my yoga this past year was to teach me flexibility (literally and emotionally) and centered-ness (I'm sure there's a better word for that...but the sense of being connected to where I am, not worried about what is to come or what has already been but finding peace in the here and now). And I thought I was just trying to move deeper into Eagle and Pigeon and Frog...wrong again! And again one of the many things I love about yoga - how it spills out into all other areas of my life.
P.S. Happy first day that it really felt like fall...we like you, fall weather, please stay!

friday quotation

where's hope?

I finally saw the wonderful McDonald's commercial about hope.

Well, it's also about the Ronald McDonald House. But the idea is about a place that provides hope for people. And it makes hope sound so simple - you buy a Happy Meal and you buy hope. I had not seen the commercial but had heard about it from friends and have to say that I wasn't sold on the idea of hope being so simple and I certainly wasn't sure that we could give hope to other people. I mean, if it were that simple, why would we have so many hopeless people in the world? Why would we use the expression "it's hopeless" so much? I didn't have the answers but last weekend, at a place called Hope House in Liberty Hill, my mind was changed and I fell right in with the kids on the Happy Meal commercial and began to believe that hope really was a rather simple thing that could be shared.
Hope House is a place that offers a home for special needs children when their parents can no longer provide for them in their own home. It is a joyful, comfortable place in the country and currently has about 40 residents. When I drove up to the gate last Sunday I found myself oddly nervous. I'd spent the night before decorating cookies to celebrate Khaki, a 30 year-old who wanted Barbie cookies for her birthday. When I took the assignment, I honestly had no idea how I would create this birthday treat. There were plenty of pictures on the Internet of Barbie cakes and plates and other related birthday items but no ideas for Barbie birthday cookies. I'm usually pretty good at following a model, not always so good at being the creative genius myself. Enter Michael's and Party City. SURELY they would have something I could use for this baking adventure. And while I found plenty of princess decorating items, I found myself stretching the bounds of my creativity a little to turn random Barbie party favors into cookie decorations. But some pink and purple icing, Barbie confetti, Barbie stickers, and toothpicks later...TA DA...Barbie cookies! Or cookies with a Barbie motif. Or whatever you want to call them. They were my meager offering to Khaki and my response to her request for Barbie cookies for her birthday. Anyone who saw them before I delivered them said, "Oh my gosh!" and "Wow - they are so pink!" and "She's going to love them" but still I arrived at Hope House a bundle of nerves about whether they were good enough or cute enough or pink enough or Barbie enough. Most of all were they what Khaki had imagined when she'd asked for Barbie cookies or would they in some way disappoint her? THAT would break my heart. And not for me or my lack of creativity or skill but for her. You see, I was baking these cookies as part of my volunteer work for an organization in Austin that provides cakes for people in Austin who might not otherwise have a birthday cake. For some recipients, it's the first birthday cake they've ever had. For all of them, it's usually a case of this cake or nothing. I was introduced to this AMAZING organization through one of my former students who baked for them during her senior year. Free Cakes for Kids has only been in Austin since late summer 2009 but has already grown to the point at which starting very soon it will have to change its name because the volunteers voted in an overwhelming way to extend our baking services to assisted living homes, hospitals, and other organizations that could use free cakes. Places that care for people who wouldn't necessarily get a cake on their birthday. Places like the Austin Children's Shelter, Helping Hand Home for Children, LifeWorks, SafePlace, etc... I'm so very thankful to have found a place to combine my love of baking and my desire to connect with others in the Austin community in a way that shares some of my passions, time, and love with those who might need it. It's one thing to celebrate birthdays of colleagues and friends by baking for them (and I do LOVE that!); it's quite another to make something for someone who possibly doesn't have anyone else to celebrate them in this way.
Which brings me back to my story of driving up to Hope House...it's a sprawling single-story house in Liberty Hill with a high wrought-iron gate all around it. I could see a swimming pool and different playscapes inside. And once I had parked I saw a handful of people in the yard. They were all girls and each seemed to be lost in her own little world. I watched them for a little while as I had to wait about 10 minutes to reach an adult on the inside who could open the gate for me. They were finishing up lunch and were busy with the residents. But I didn't mind. It helped me understand Hope House a little more to see one little girl playing by herself on the playscape, another walking around with a magazine and looking up at me every so often, and another who acted like she was playing peek-a-boo with me. When someone who worked there finally came to the gate I explained who I was and she gladly let me in. She opened the box of cookies and said, "Oh my goodness...she's going to be so excited. And we're just finishing up lunch; your timing is perfect." At that point, a young woman came up behind her looking both intrigued and puzzled. When the older woman showed her the cookies and said, "These are for you, for your birthday" her face lit up in a smile. She looked at the cookies and then at me and then at the cookies and said, "They are BEAUTIFUL!" And then she clapped.
I was speechless. All of my worrying about the cookies being good enough or meeting someone's expectations seemed ridiculous. In an instant, Khaki reminded me that sometimes just doing something, just showing up, just reaching out, just remembering someone's birthday is enough. I was humbled. I was grateful for my life, my health, my family, my friends, opportunities to do things like this, and the general goodness that surrounds me.
It's taken me a week to post this because I'm incredibly torn about doing so. I don't want it to be about me baking Barbie cookies because, honestly, I know that there are much bigger issues in the world that need to be solved before celebrating someone's birthday (although the organizations that Free Cakes for Kids serves provide many other services to the Austin community) - world peace, wars, genocide, terrible natural disasters and their aftermath, poverty, homelessness, unemployment, addictions, violence, etc... are just a few that come to mind. And I know that there are millions of people (some of whom are my friends) who do much bigger work than I do when it comes to volunteering. But I actually feel completely and utterly inadequate at even beginning to think about those things or about how I could help in any way. But baking, now that is something I can wrap my head around. And if it brings some joy to someone on his/her birthday who might otherwise have the day pass as "just another day" well, then, I guess I'm making a very small effort to bring our world together cupcake by cupcake, cookie by cookie. And maybe, just maybe, the more we're connected, the more we can empathize with how other people live, the more we can "walk a day in someone else's shoes" the less trouble we'll have with all of those other really big problems of the world. I don't know. I know it's not as simple as a Barbie cookie, but maybe the little bit of hope found in very simple acts is one place to begin.

friday quotation

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.

yoga Monday

Yes...I'm back on track. And it feels good. Albeit a more relaxed, less planned track. And maybe that was reflected in my yoga practice today. First, it's amazing how much more flexible I am when I have NOT run more than 6 miles the day before. Second, it's amazing how un-flexible I still am even when I have NOT run more than 6 miles the day before. (Damn if those hamstrings aren't tight, tight, tight!) But overall, my practice was great. Only two of us in the class which meant lots of help getting in the right position and lots of attention from our teacher - who was Becca, whom I really like...and had forgotten because I don't have her that often. No chance to tackle crow today but definitely lots of balance work, which brings me to the point of my post.
I'm usually pretty good at the balance stuff. Oddly enough, I sometimes feel that when my life is the MOST out of balance, I ace those poses in yoga. Sort of as an "in your face" gesture to my life, "Oh, yeah, life...well, I CAN be balanced in something. Like this tree pose. So take that." Well, today, it was quite the reverse. Indeed it was more like, "So, missy, you've had such a balanced weekend, this class is going to remind you that you're really not 'there' yet when it comes to balance" as I weebled and wobbled all over the place. Some of it was due to muscle fatigue. I could feel that. But other wobbling was just due to a lack of focus, balance, or something. At any rate, if a shaky yoga class is the result of a wonderfully balanced weekend, I'll take it.
And my weekend really was wonderful...a healthy mix of exercise, time outdoors, down time with friends, work, volunteer work, sleep, cleaning...ah....it feels good. It was great to be back riding with Amy (and Nancy, too, although she's faster) and then super fun to run with Sara on Sunday. With the exception of modem aggravation, it was really a blissful weekend. But I took charge of that situation and got it fixed so "all's well that ends well" - well, it will end when I swap out the modem sometime later this week. (Because when Time Warner says they close at 4:00 on Saturday, don't even think if you arrive at 4:02 they will help you!!! ARGH. Okay, I'm not giving more energy to that!)
Now for a packed, fun-filled, work-driven, but with some sweet plans for the weekend week...and still a heartfelt post to come about my Sunday afternoon activities.

yoga Thursday because the fat lady sang on Monday

Well, not really. The fat lady singing part. I don't want to suggest that whomever sang the national anthem at the Austin Tri was fat! Nor that I am fat...although if I indulge in the food at the place that Gordon caught me speeding by on Monday and given that this was my last tri of the season, I could well be on my way!
Anyway, I went to yoga tonight because on Monday morning I was racing at the Austin Triathlon. Yes, I just used the word "racing" to describe what I did on Monday. Which is a little bit of a shock to me. But looking back on it, I did race it. I pushed myself. I finished off the season with a bang (for me...although I had the slowest transition times ever!). And I had a BLAST. Seriously. This not really training, not putting pressure on myself, not worrying about what I need to get geared up for next, not worrying about how very tired I am going into a race might just be the ticket for me. I went into the race on Monday with a few simple goals: 1) have fun, 2) attempt to PR, 3) push myself beyond what felt comfortable...in an effort to leave it all out there. (In other words "race"...and what I'm discovering is that even when I do feel like I give it my all at the time, there will always be that lingering "could I have...?" pushed it more, run a little faster, biked a little faster, etc... question sequence lingering in my head. Maybe that's what keeps us coming back for more?)
How did I do? On my goals that is...
1) check! I even declined the smiley face on the back of my calf during body marking because I told the volunteer that I'd be wearing the smile on my face...and I did! What fun to do a "hometown" race, put on by High Five Events (simply the best!), with awesome volunteers, friends and teammates cheering you on, on a course that you know and that you've traveled before. I just might have to add this race to my yearly "to do" list!
2) a PR is anything faster than what you did before and while I wanted it to be a 5 minute PR, I'll settle with a 3 minute PR...and I'm settling VERY happily! Okay, maybe that means I'm not settling at all!
and.. 3) I definitely pushed myself. I settled into my swim and decided to put all of those swim practices where my chest is burning to good use. I caught Esther out of the corner of my eye and have to thank her for keeping me honest on that swim. I figured if I could stay at least a stroke or two ahead of her and if she was having a good day that I'd be on my way to good swim. Surprisingly, I did! On the bike, I let my quads and hamstrings burn in an effort to gain more speed than I thought possible - especially on the slick streets. And on the run, well, that is when it really becomes a "race". I was clipping right along (in hindsight, probably "clipping" a little too fast as I think my first mile was in the low 8's), hit the 2 mile mark, and then thought, "All you have left is your fast TL 4 mile loop...get going!" And I did. So happy with how that run ended (and with what I did with it along the way). I said to Logan before the race that I'd be happy if I just had a good run. He replied, "If you think you will, then you will." And I said, "Oh, don't worry. I've already visualized myself going really fast." So...maybe my pace wasn't "really" fast but actually it was pretty darn fast for me! Faster than any of my training runs. So that was fun. And exciting.
Friends and teammates were around from start to finish. Honestly, you really feel like you have an unfair advantage when you know people at the swim start, at the bike exit/entry/mount/dismount, and then all along the run course...and everywhere in between! But I'll take that advantage and play off of it any old day because it really makes a difference. There are teammate "rabbits" to be chased (thank you, Esther and Elizabeth), teammates to encourage and cheer for, and friendly faces all around. The course this year was awesome and although it was a crazy weather day (we had rain, sun, clouds, humidity, breezes, etc...), it was a wonderful way to end my season. I crossed that finish line with Logan appropriately mis-pronouncing my last name and with a big old grin on my face. Not sure what could be better?
Well, what could be better was what happened after that - and, no, it wasn't a beer or a Coke or a post-race massage. Amy had had a horrible day that started with an awful asthma attack in the water. I knew something was wrong when I saw her on the bike. As she said, "When you lapped me on the bike." Okay. Yes. And that is simply not right. We talked for a minute, I tried to get a sense of how she was really doing. Should I encourage her to call it a day? Take it easy but finish the race? Keep her eye on the big prize in November in Arizona? I decided to tell her a little bit of all of that but mostly to say, "Please be smart and take it easy." And you can say that to Amy because you know that she will. Luckily, the bike course means you get to see people a lot so I was comforted each time I saw her. But then I was done and off to the run and I just hoped she finished the bike okay. As I went into T2, I saw Jim, Chris, and Liz. They were cheering me on, telling me to stay strong, encouraging me to keep going. But I stopped. At the entrance into T2 I ran up to them (I'm sure they thought I was nuts) and I said, "I need you to listen to me. You need to check on Amy when she comes in. She had an asthma attack. I'm not sure how she's really feeling right now. If she needs to skip the run, please tell her that. THANK YOU!" Nice, dump the responsibility on Jim, Chris, and Liz! They were great, nodded, and told me to get going. And I did. Out on the run I looked for Amy but never saw her. That was worrisome to me and on the other hand I was relieved because I thought maybe she'd called it a day, giving her body the rest that it probably needed. I half-expected to find her in the T3 tent when I finished, and when she wasn't there, I thought, "Damn. Did she do the run after all?" I decided to throw my flip-flops on and head out to the run course to see if I could see her. Sure enough, just as I headed toward the 1st street bridge, there she was. Walking along. Looking pretty chipper and actually really strong. Folks, I'm not sure I would have been either of those things if I had been in her shoes. As she approached I said, "Hey. How are you? Can I get you anything? Your inhaler? Water?" And she said, "You can walk with me a while." And in those simple words, I somehow knew she was okay. So we walked. Maybe a mile? Me in my flip-flops, people cheering us both on, us just chattering away. I'm sure people were wondering what we were doing. Honestly - we were enjoying the moment. I was relieved that Amy was okay. I think Amy was glad for the company. Overall, I was terribly proud of her. It takes something special to finish a race like that. As Amy said later, you can deal with a bad race time better than you can deal with a DNF by your name. And others had a similar story that day. But others did DNF. And that's okay. But it wasn't okay with Amy. And when she questions how she will do in Arizona in November, it's easy for me to say, "No doubt, you will finish...unless the meds tell you not to. And that's another story. But that won't happen."
So that's how my season ended...with a great race and a moment with a friend that reminded me of her strength and of the strength I hope to have, too. (P.S. I found out later that I was surrounded by all sort of true grit out there on the course that day...as is usually the case...hope it rubs off!)
What's next? Well, Thursday yoga is a start. Lots of yoga (I really want to see if I can master the crow position...mostly because I'm a total chicken when it comes to it!), swimming (as in LOTS and LOTS of swimming to get ready for a crazy idea that I'll write about in a future post), running (trail, road, water...okay, well, I would rather not aqua jog this winter so here's to staying injury-free!)...and a little biking, too. Mostly just enjoying a healthy lifestyle, staying in 1/2 marathon shape because I have a few of those on the fall calendar (fun things with friends...LOVE it) and working toward a PR at the 3M half marathon in January, some trail running (because I really want to!), a long bike ride every now and then just for the heck of it (and maybe some shorter ones, too), sleeping in on some weekend mornings (especially when winter rolls around), supporting my IMAZ and IMFL friends through their training, hanging out with my non-tri friends, reading more books, finishing my project with Granddaddy's war journal, continuing to clean out my condo, volunteering (not for races - although I might do some of that, too - but for Free Cakes for Kids)...just some of the things that I have in store for myself. And maybe a little redecorating/rearranging at home. More time to give to work and SAS-related activities (sports games, etc...) - this feels nice right now. And I might possibly explore a gluten-free lifestyle...just to see. Definitely more cooking...no matter what foods I'm including or excluding. (Farmshare has been great for that!) Oh, and MORE SLEEP. Yes. I'm super excited about that. On that note...sleepy time for me.

friday quotation

'Tis better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's life perfectly.
~Elizabeth Gilbert

I'm not sure whether this is from Eat, Pray, Love or not. I read the book, have yet to see the movie, but I don't remember exactly. Either way, it's a wonderful thought...and one I'll try to remember and act on.

life is good

This pretty much says it all.
School has started. My advisees are great. I'm tackling some long overdue projects and actually feeling like we're making headway on some of them. I have an amazing group of colleagues and friends to work with. I was reminded of the treasure that old friends are this past weekend. I am surrounded by people who inspire me to be a better person - for the world around me and for myself. I have a family that loves me and supports me. I've discovered a million things (big and small) that can bring a smile to my face in an instant. I'm more at home in my own skin than I've been all my life. I'm continuing to use my voice and to live with the consequences of speaking...mostly good consequences. Life has both slowed down and picked up and the balance feels just right. I'm sleeping more (okay...not a lot more...still working on that). I am not on a training plan for anything in particular and I'm having a lot of fun with that. I have finally used some of my peppers from my farmshare (still have lots to go!). My bathroom ceiling is fixed. The car is next. A cool front came through Austin tonight - complete with rain, lightning, and thunder...I do love a good summer storm. Bottom line: I have too many blessings to even try to list them here. Which is a good problem to have. And which is why the picture for this post says it all. Except for maybe it should read, "Life is great!"?! Thanks to all who read this who add to my wonderful life...

friday quotation

Something simple as I get ready to celebrate a weekend with my dear camp friends - who have known me for nearly 30 years now... What a gift. I am so very blessed.

Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Back together again...minus the bride!

farmshare!!!

So I've been talking about signing up for a farmshare delivery for oh, well, approximately a year now. Guess something's gotten into me in these late lazy days of summer because I've been all about follow-through (with most things...wouldn't want to shock my system and do everything on my "to do" list!). Anyway, Amy (HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, by the way!) turned me on to Farmhouse Delivery here in Austin. I know I can buy organic...and I could try to make it to the weekly Farmers Markets...but something about this feels different (oh, and it isn't a bad deal that it's all delivered to my door twice a month - woot!). And good. And local. And healthy. And connected to my community of Austin. And all of that good stuff.
Today's share (in the picture to the right) is making me think I need a crash course in PEPPERS. I've got anaheims, jalapenos, habaneros, and sweet peppers. To roast them? To toss them in a salad? To put them in my breakfast casserole? So many options...should be fun figuring it all out! I also got exactly 2 tomatoes, 2 pears, 5 apples, 1 bunch of garlic chives, 2 zucchini, 1 bunch of arugula, 1 cantaloupe, and 2 Italian cucumbers. Amy got potatoes...not sure why I didn't...but I'm okay with that. Even though we got a list of what should be in our farmshare this week, it was still a little like Christmas or a birthday or some other gift-opening event when I peeked inside the box that the items came in. Oooh...aaah...so pretty...so exciting. And just think, every two weeks I get to open another box of goodies. Can't wait to see what the upcoming seasons bring!
For today...the season is still summer and it's still hot (like 100+ degrees hot) so SNO CONES are in order for Amy's birthday! BIG love to you, Amy...thanks for turning me on to Farmhouse Delivery...among other wonderful things.

yoga Monday

Unlike last week when my back was all sorts of wonky for yoga class, I arrived this morning feeling really ready for it - physically and mentally. It looked like it was going to be a private class until another girl, Emily, showed up. Emily and I are often in early a.m. yoga together and we have that little bond. It's funny because I've been doing yoga pretty faithfully (except for when there's a conflict or when I'm out of town) for over a year now at Yoga Vida and there is a little sense of community among us 6:30 a.m. folks. It's not the same by any means as the community of T3 (or any of the other places that I frequent with the same people day after day or week after week), but Emily would definitely be in my little yoga community if I were to draw one.
So, this morning it was just Emily, Malia (teacher), and me. And it was lovely. We took things at a slower pace, really holding positions and getting good stretches along with good adjustments. It was actually a treat to have such a small class and I definitely went new places in some old positions. There was actually a moment in one pose where I felt as if I was walking through a door to a whole new room (or world as it were...). Very cool. Funny that I've been doing that position for a year now and have never gone there. I have to think that somewhere else in my life I have created space that allowed me to walk through it - as if I wasn't being held back emotionally by something.
Which was actually what Malia shared with us today. She said at one point, "root yourself so that you can rise." She went on to explain that if we don't know what we're rooted in, if we're not really grounded in who we are or what we believe or how we want to live our life, we cannot rise to the next level, soar to the next height, go where we are supposed to go. It's a funny image really because it seems to contradict itself...the idea of digging deep and making sure your roots reach down and are strong...and at the same time reaching upwards and rising.
But it also makes sense. You can't really ever reach a new level with any sort of stability if you don't have a strong foundation. I feel on most days that I'm still building my foundation, filling in the cracks, leveling it out. And maybe I'll be doing that all of my life in an attempt to reach new heights. As time consuming as it is, it's good work, and I sort of hope I am always in a state of repair if it means I'm still growing and becoming the person I'm supposed to be.

yoga Monday becomes friday quotation

Because it's just been that sort of a week!!

We are happy, when however briefly, we become one with ourselves, others, and the world of nature.
~David Cole Gordon, writer and naturalist

friday quotation

Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.

I've had this quotation in my "friday quotation" stash for a while now. And I promised myself that I wouldn't post it until I'd lived it (well, recently lived it) in a way that mattered. Like today. I speak my mind regularly (always?), but sometimes my voice shakes more than usual. I always worry that it will crack. It sometimes does. But I always seem to finish whatever I have to say. And even if my whole body is shaking at the end, it feels good.

yoga Monday

Back to my usual tricks with yoga Monday...and realizing that it's been at least a year (if not a few more weeks than a year) that I've been at it. Going to yoga regularly on Mondays. Except for when I've been out of town. And I love it.
I'm not always good at it. I know, that's not a very yoga-like attitude. I'm supposed to leave all judgment at the door but when you're surrounded by human pretzels how can you not think, "Hmmm...I'm not all that good at this." I am getting better at corpse pose :)
But the cool thing for me is that I ALWAYS look forward to yoga. And not because I think one day I'm going to wake up and be amazingly flexible or strong or "good" at it. But because I feel like there's always a little "gem" in each class...a learning...a take-away...sort of like a yoga Monday party favor to thank me for showing up to the class. (And our teachers always DO thank us for showing up to class!)
Today's class was full of little messages, but the one that I cannot get out of my mind is: "Look into your heart and find something to strengthen and soften at the same time." Oooh...this I'm good at. Okay, well not so good (yet!) at the follow-through but good at finding what that thing is. Always subject to change. Subject to being replaced and renewed. But I know just the little piece of my heart that will be softened when it's strengthened...or strengthened as it's softened.

podcast junkie

This summer...especially post-Ironman...I have discovered a new obsession. Podcasts. Some are shows that I have listened to regularly for a while now - StoryCorps, This I Believe, and This American Life. Others are relatively new to me - RadioLab, Selected Shorts, Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me.
Summer days are so quiet at school and I'm usually entering data, doing some form of paperwork, clearing out files, cleaning my office (or the faculty lounge!), etc... that it's been really easy to start one of these (often one hour) programs and listen to it from start to finish with very few interruptions. It's gotten so that I look forward to it each day. Will I learn more about sleep? or famous tumors? or parasites? or limits? or the secrets of success? or Lucy (and other chimps)? Maybe I will hear a great story or a touching exchange between a father and a daughter who have been separated for five years and reunited in a painfully honest conversation. Sometimes I cannot listen to one in its entirety because I lose focus or because it's too difficult (too sad, too painful, hitting too close to home). Sometimes I find myself laughing out loud at my desk - hoping no one else will come in and wonder why I'm laughing when I'm all alone in my office. From tears of sadness to tears from laughter, these shows will be vivid memories from this summer.
They offer me random bits of information, food for thought, feeling odd connections with people I don't even know because we're all experiencing some commonalities of humankind, chances to explore things I had not ever thought about...oh, and in case you think they are too "heavy", sometimes just pure entertainment! They also remind me of just how much I have to learn in this world and of all that there is to experience. But it's been a true pleasure to listen to all of these stories and let them bounce around my head the rest of the day...and night...and weekend. So if you find yourself bored with the usual stuff on the radio, check them out. They are well worth whatever time you dedicate to them whether it's an entire road trip or just a commute to work! Oh, yeah, and one of the toughest things about school starting up is going to be shifting my podcast listening to evenings and/or weekends only...

friday quotation

If you aren't pushing your limits, you aren't going far enough, and you still don't know who you are.
~Paulo Coehlo

decision made!

There comes a time in the life of every car when it has lots of miles, needs some repairs, has lived a good long life...and yet the owner decides she cannot and does not want to part with it!!!
For those who've been along for the ride of my car as it's hit 100,000 miles and celebrated its 10 year birthday, I've finally made a decision. Repairs shall be scheduled.
A detail job shall be given to my trusty Subaru for its 10th birthday.
And I shall drive it for many more moons...or suns...or however long it has left in it.
Or until it starts acting up or leaving me stranded or making me scared or sucking so much money from my bank account that car payments seem like a more favorable option (right...it's gonna have to get bad!). But so far, there's been NONE of that...except for some routine repairs (oh, and the little incident with the deer...see there, it might be 10 years old but it has a brand new driver's side!!)...and it's paid off...really, how can I part with it? Besides, it really does make me smile. In all of its "rough around the edges"-ness and with all of its dings and scrapes and all of its imperfect glory, I feel like this car is perfect for me. Not sure what that says about me, but I'm a tad loyal when it comes to cars. Might be relatively easy for me to part with clothes from my closet...but not my car. Funny I didn't even know I loved it that much...and have never considered myself a "car" person. Guess it's about the comfort, familiarity, and some weird commitment to it. Keep on truckin' little Subaru, keep on truckin'...