almost as sweet...

...as the birthday treats they were talking about.

A colleague shared a Facebook exchange between two of my former advisees that simply warmed my heart:

"Happy birthday! I wish we were in Miss Guice's office celebrating with some wonderful birthday treat that she baked."

And another emailed me just this week with words that nearly jumped from the screen they were so full of excitement over her experiences at college. And yet another emailed me worried that he had not landed in the right place and was wondering if I could talk to him this weekend to make sense of it all. And amidst it all, profuse thanks. Unnecessary thanks.

Little do they know, the joy is all mine. Thank you, students, for still filling my heart to overflowing even when you've moved on to new adventures.

last yoga Monday

At least for a while. Not that I'm giving up on yoga. Nope. Not by a long shot. I realized I've been doing it consistently (once a week...would love for it to become twice a week but not sure how I'm gonna swing that) for over a year now. Hooray! I really do love it. And I love, love, love starting my week with it. But the schedule at Yoga Vida is switching and so now it will be "yoga Thursday" because the Monday class would make me late to work.
Does "yoga Thursday" have the same ring to it as "yoga Monday"? I don't think so. But then again, there's nothing that catchy about "yoga Monday" except that it sounded nice to me!
And not only will the time of the class change but the teacher is likely to change, too. Warning: that's A LOT of change for me in one week :) Changing days that I'm doing yoga, changing yoga teachers, and changing run coaches since Logan's last week of coaching is this week.
Maybe all of my yoga this past year was to teach me flexibility (literally and emotionally) and centered-ness (I'm sure there's a better word for that...but the sense of being connected to where I am, not worried about what is to come or what has already been but finding peace in the here and now). And I thought I was just trying to move deeper into Eagle and Pigeon and Frog...wrong again! And again one of the many things I love about yoga - how it spills out into all other areas of my life.
P.S. Happy first day that it really felt like fall...we like you, fall weather, please stay!

friday quotation

where's hope?

I finally saw the wonderful McDonald's commercial about hope.

Well, it's also about the Ronald McDonald House. But the idea is about a place that provides hope for people. And it makes hope sound so simple - you buy a Happy Meal and you buy hope. I had not seen the commercial but had heard about it from friends and have to say that I wasn't sold on the idea of hope being so simple and I certainly wasn't sure that we could give hope to other people. I mean, if it were that simple, why would we have so many hopeless people in the world? Why would we use the expression "it's hopeless" so much? I didn't have the answers but last weekend, at a place called Hope House in Liberty Hill, my mind was changed and I fell right in with the kids on the Happy Meal commercial and began to believe that hope really was a rather simple thing that could be shared.
Hope House is a place that offers a home for special needs children when their parents can no longer provide for them in their own home. It is a joyful, comfortable place in the country and currently has about 40 residents. When I drove up to the gate last Sunday I found myself oddly nervous. I'd spent the night before decorating cookies to celebrate Khaki, a 30 year-old who wanted Barbie cookies for her birthday. When I took the assignment, I honestly had no idea how I would create this birthday treat. There were plenty of pictures on the Internet of Barbie cakes and plates and other related birthday items but no ideas for Barbie birthday cookies. I'm usually pretty good at following a model, not always so good at being the creative genius myself. Enter Michael's and Party City. SURELY they would have something I could use for this baking adventure. And while I found plenty of princess decorating items, I found myself stretching the bounds of my creativity a little to turn random Barbie party favors into cookie decorations. But some pink and purple icing, Barbie confetti, Barbie stickers, and toothpicks later...TA DA...Barbie cookies! Or cookies with a Barbie motif. Or whatever you want to call them. They were my meager offering to Khaki and my response to her request for Barbie cookies for her birthday. Anyone who saw them before I delivered them said, "Oh my gosh!" and "Wow - they are so pink!" and "She's going to love them" but still I arrived at Hope House a bundle of nerves about whether they were good enough or cute enough or pink enough or Barbie enough. Most of all were they what Khaki had imagined when she'd asked for Barbie cookies or would they in some way disappoint her? THAT would break my heart. And not for me or my lack of creativity or skill but for her. You see, I was baking these cookies as part of my volunteer work for an organization in Austin that provides cakes for people in Austin who might not otherwise have a birthday cake. For some recipients, it's the first birthday cake they've ever had. For all of them, it's usually a case of this cake or nothing. I was introduced to this AMAZING organization through one of my former students who baked for them during her senior year. Free Cakes for Kids has only been in Austin since late summer 2009 but has already grown to the point at which starting very soon it will have to change its name because the volunteers voted in an overwhelming way to extend our baking services to assisted living homes, hospitals, and other organizations that could use free cakes. Places that care for people who wouldn't necessarily get a cake on their birthday. Places like the Austin Children's Shelter, Helping Hand Home for Children, LifeWorks, SafePlace, etc... I'm so very thankful to have found a place to combine my love of baking and my desire to connect with others in the Austin community in a way that shares some of my passions, time, and love with those who might need it. It's one thing to celebrate birthdays of colleagues and friends by baking for them (and I do LOVE that!); it's quite another to make something for someone who possibly doesn't have anyone else to celebrate them in this way.
Which brings me back to my story of driving up to Hope House...it's a sprawling single-story house in Liberty Hill with a high wrought-iron gate all around it. I could see a swimming pool and different playscapes inside. And once I had parked I saw a handful of people in the yard. They were all girls and each seemed to be lost in her own little world. I watched them for a little while as I had to wait about 10 minutes to reach an adult on the inside who could open the gate for me. They were finishing up lunch and were busy with the residents. But I didn't mind. It helped me understand Hope House a little more to see one little girl playing by herself on the playscape, another walking around with a magazine and looking up at me every so often, and another who acted like she was playing peek-a-boo with me. When someone who worked there finally came to the gate I explained who I was and she gladly let me in. She opened the box of cookies and said, "Oh my goodness...she's going to be so excited. And we're just finishing up lunch; your timing is perfect." At that point, a young woman came up behind her looking both intrigued and puzzled. When the older woman showed her the cookies and said, "These are for you, for your birthday" her face lit up in a smile. She looked at the cookies and then at me and then at the cookies and said, "They are BEAUTIFUL!" And then she clapped.
I was speechless. All of my worrying about the cookies being good enough or meeting someone's expectations seemed ridiculous. In an instant, Khaki reminded me that sometimes just doing something, just showing up, just reaching out, just remembering someone's birthday is enough. I was humbled. I was grateful for my life, my health, my family, my friends, opportunities to do things like this, and the general goodness that surrounds me.
It's taken me a week to post this because I'm incredibly torn about doing so. I don't want it to be about me baking Barbie cookies because, honestly, I know that there are much bigger issues in the world that need to be solved before celebrating someone's birthday (although the organizations that Free Cakes for Kids serves provide many other services to the Austin community) - world peace, wars, genocide, terrible natural disasters and their aftermath, poverty, homelessness, unemployment, addictions, violence, etc... are just a few that come to mind. And I know that there are millions of people (some of whom are my friends) who do much bigger work than I do when it comes to volunteering. But I actually feel completely and utterly inadequate at even beginning to think about those things or about how I could help in any way. But baking, now that is something I can wrap my head around. And if it brings some joy to someone on his/her birthday who might otherwise have the day pass as "just another day" well, then, I guess I'm making a very small effort to bring our world together cupcake by cupcake, cookie by cookie. And maybe, just maybe, the more we're connected, the more we can empathize with how other people live, the more we can "walk a day in someone else's shoes" the less trouble we'll have with all of those other really big problems of the world. I don't know. I know it's not as simple as a Barbie cookie, but maybe the little bit of hope found in very simple acts is one place to begin.

friday quotation

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching.

yoga Monday

Yes...I'm back on track. And it feels good. Albeit a more relaxed, less planned track. And maybe that was reflected in my yoga practice today. First, it's amazing how much more flexible I am when I have NOT run more than 6 miles the day before. Second, it's amazing how un-flexible I still am even when I have NOT run more than 6 miles the day before. (Damn if those hamstrings aren't tight, tight, tight!) But overall, my practice was great. Only two of us in the class which meant lots of help getting in the right position and lots of attention from our teacher - who was Becca, whom I really like...and had forgotten because I don't have her that often. No chance to tackle crow today but definitely lots of balance work, which brings me to the point of my post.
I'm usually pretty good at the balance stuff. Oddly enough, I sometimes feel that when my life is the MOST out of balance, I ace those poses in yoga. Sort of as an "in your face" gesture to my life, "Oh, yeah, life...well, I CAN be balanced in something. Like this tree pose. So take that." Well, today, it was quite the reverse. Indeed it was more like, "So, missy, you've had such a balanced weekend, this class is going to remind you that you're really not 'there' yet when it comes to balance" as I weebled and wobbled all over the place. Some of it was due to muscle fatigue. I could feel that. But other wobbling was just due to a lack of focus, balance, or something. At any rate, if a shaky yoga class is the result of a wonderfully balanced weekend, I'll take it.
And my weekend really was wonderful...a healthy mix of exercise, time outdoors, down time with friends, work, volunteer work, sleep, cleaning...ah....it feels good. It was great to be back riding with Amy (and Nancy, too, although she's faster) and then super fun to run with Sara on Sunday. With the exception of modem aggravation, it was really a blissful weekend. But I took charge of that situation and got it fixed so "all's well that ends well" - well, it will end when I swap out the modem sometime later this week. (Because when Time Warner says they close at 4:00 on Saturday, don't even think if you arrive at 4:02 they will help you!!! ARGH. Okay, I'm not giving more energy to that!)
Now for a packed, fun-filled, work-driven, but with some sweet plans for the weekend week...and still a heartfelt post to come about my Sunday afternoon activities.

yoga Thursday because the fat lady sang on Monday

Well, not really. The fat lady singing part. I don't want to suggest that whomever sang the national anthem at the Austin Tri was fat! Nor that I am fat...although if I indulge in the food at the place that Gordon caught me speeding by on Monday and given that this was my last tri of the season, I could well be on my way!
Anyway, I went to yoga tonight because on Monday morning I was racing at the Austin Triathlon. Yes, I just used the word "racing" to describe what I did on Monday. Which is a little bit of a shock to me. But looking back on it, I did race it. I pushed myself. I finished off the season with a bang (for me...although I had the slowest transition times ever!). And I had a BLAST. Seriously. This not really training, not putting pressure on myself, not worrying about what I need to get geared up for next, not worrying about how very tired I am going into a race might just be the ticket for me. I went into the race on Monday with a few simple goals: 1) have fun, 2) attempt to PR, 3) push myself beyond what felt comfortable...in an effort to leave it all out there. (In other words "race"...and what I'm discovering is that even when I do feel like I give it my all at the time, there will always be that lingering "could I have...?" pushed it more, run a little faster, biked a little faster, etc... question sequence lingering in my head. Maybe that's what keeps us coming back for more?)
How did I do? On my goals that is...
1) check! I even declined the smiley face on the back of my calf during body marking because I told the volunteer that I'd be wearing the smile on my face...and I did! What fun to do a "hometown" race, put on by High Five Events (simply the best!), with awesome volunteers, friends and teammates cheering you on, on a course that you know and that you've traveled before. I just might have to add this race to my yearly "to do" list!
2) a PR is anything faster than what you did before and while I wanted it to be a 5 minute PR, I'll settle with a 3 minute PR...and I'm settling VERY happily! Okay, maybe that means I'm not settling at all!
and.. 3) I definitely pushed myself. I settled into my swim and decided to put all of those swim practices where my chest is burning to good use. I caught Esther out of the corner of my eye and have to thank her for keeping me honest on that swim. I figured if I could stay at least a stroke or two ahead of her and if she was having a good day that I'd be on my way to good swim. Surprisingly, I did! On the bike, I let my quads and hamstrings burn in an effort to gain more speed than I thought possible - especially on the slick streets. And on the run, well, that is when it really becomes a "race". I was clipping right along (in hindsight, probably "clipping" a little too fast as I think my first mile was in the low 8's), hit the 2 mile mark, and then thought, "All you have left is your fast TL 4 mile loop...get going!" And I did. So happy with how that run ended (and with what I did with it along the way). I said to Logan before the race that I'd be happy if I just had a good run. He replied, "If you think you will, then you will." And I said, "Oh, don't worry. I've already visualized myself going really fast." So...maybe my pace wasn't "really" fast but actually it was pretty darn fast for me! Faster than any of my training runs. So that was fun. And exciting.
Friends and teammates were around from start to finish. Honestly, you really feel like you have an unfair advantage when you know people at the swim start, at the bike exit/entry/mount/dismount, and then all along the run course...and everywhere in between! But I'll take that advantage and play off of it any old day because it really makes a difference. There are teammate "rabbits" to be chased (thank you, Esther and Elizabeth), teammates to encourage and cheer for, and friendly faces all around. The course this year was awesome and although it was a crazy weather day (we had rain, sun, clouds, humidity, breezes, etc...), it was a wonderful way to end my season. I crossed that finish line with Logan appropriately mis-pronouncing my last name and with a big old grin on my face. Not sure what could be better?
Well, what could be better was what happened after that - and, no, it wasn't a beer or a Coke or a post-race massage. Amy had had a horrible day that started with an awful asthma attack in the water. I knew something was wrong when I saw her on the bike. As she said, "When you lapped me on the bike." Okay. Yes. And that is simply not right. We talked for a minute, I tried to get a sense of how she was really doing. Should I encourage her to call it a day? Take it easy but finish the race? Keep her eye on the big prize in November in Arizona? I decided to tell her a little bit of all of that but mostly to say, "Please be smart and take it easy." And you can say that to Amy because you know that she will. Luckily, the bike course means you get to see people a lot so I was comforted each time I saw her. But then I was done and off to the run and I just hoped she finished the bike okay. As I went into T2, I saw Jim, Chris, and Liz. They were cheering me on, telling me to stay strong, encouraging me to keep going. But I stopped. At the entrance into T2 I ran up to them (I'm sure they thought I was nuts) and I said, "I need you to listen to me. You need to check on Amy when she comes in. She had an asthma attack. I'm not sure how she's really feeling right now. If she needs to skip the run, please tell her that. THANK YOU!" Nice, dump the responsibility on Jim, Chris, and Liz! They were great, nodded, and told me to get going. And I did. Out on the run I looked for Amy but never saw her. That was worrisome to me and on the other hand I was relieved because I thought maybe she'd called it a day, giving her body the rest that it probably needed. I half-expected to find her in the T3 tent when I finished, and when she wasn't there, I thought, "Damn. Did she do the run after all?" I decided to throw my flip-flops on and head out to the run course to see if I could see her. Sure enough, just as I headed toward the 1st street bridge, there she was. Walking along. Looking pretty chipper and actually really strong. Folks, I'm not sure I would have been either of those things if I had been in her shoes. As she approached I said, "Hey. How are you? Can I get you anything? Your inhaler? Water?" And she said, "You can walk with me a while." And in those simple words, I somehow knew she was okay. So we walked. Maybe a mile? Me in my flip-flops, people cheering us both on, us just chattering away. I'm sure people were wondering what we were doing. Honestly - we were enjoying the moment. I was relieved that Amy was okay. I think Amy was glad for the company. Overall, I was terribly proud of her. It takes something special to finish a race like that. As Amy said later, you can deal with a bad race time better than you can deal with a DNF by your name. And others had a similar story that day. But others did DNF. And that's okay. But it wasn't okay with Amy. And when she questions how she will do in Arizona in November, it's easy for me to say, "No doubt, you will finish...unless the meds tell you not to. And that's another story. But that won't happen."
So that's how my season ended...with a great race and a moment with a friend that reminded me of her strength and of the strength I hope to have, too. (P.S. I found out later that I was surrounded by all sort of true grit out there on the course that day...as is usually the case...hope it rubs off!)
What's next? Well, Thursday yoga is a start. Lots of yoga (I really want to see if I can master the crow position...mostly because I'm a total chicken when it comes to it!), swimming (as in LOTS and LOTS of swimming to get ready for a crazy idea that I'll write about in a future post), running (trail, road, water...okay, well, I would rather not aqua jog this winter so here's to staying injury-free!)...and a little biking, too. Mostly just enjoying a healthy lifestyle, staying in 1/2 marathon shape because I have a few of those on the fall calendar (fun things with friends...LOVE it) and working toward a PR at the 3M half marathon in January, some trail running (because I really want to!), a long bike ride every now and then just for the heck of it (and maybe some shorter ones, too), sleeping in on some weekend mornings (especially when winter rolls around), supporting my IMAZ and IMFL friends through their training, hanging out with my non-tri friends, reading more books, finishing my project with Granddaddy's war journal, continuing to clean out my condo, volunteering (not for races - although I might do some of that, too - but for Free Cakes for Kids)...just some of the things that I have in store for myself. And maybe a little redecorating/rearranging at home. More time to give to work and SAS-related activities (sports games, etc...) - this feels nice right now. And I might possibly explore a gluten-free lifestyle...just to see. Definitely more cooking...no matter what foods I'm including or excluding. (Farmshare has been great for that!) Oh, and MORE SLEEP. Yes. I'm super excited about that. On that note...sleepy time for me.

friday quotation

'Tis better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's life perfectly.
~Elizabeth Gilbert

I'm not sure whether this is from Eat, Pray, Love or not. I read the book, have yet to see the movie, but I don't remember exactly. Either way, it's a wonderful thought...and one I'll try to remember and act on.

life is good

This pretty much says it all.
School has started. My advisees are great. I'm tackling some long overdue projects and actually feeling like we're making headway on some of them. I have an amazing group of colleagues and friends to work with. I was reminded of the treasure that old friends are this past weekend. I am surrounded by people who inspire me to be a better person - for the world around me and for myself. I have a family that loves me and supports me. I've discovered a million things (big and small) that can bring a smile to my face in an instant. I'm more at home in my own skin than I've been all my life. I'm continuing to use my voice and to live with the consequences of speaking...mostly good consequences. Life has both slowed down and picked up and the balance feels just right. I'm sleeping more (okay...not a lot more...still working on that). I am not on a training plan for anything in particular and I'm having a lot of fun with that. I have finally used some of my peppers from my farmshare (still have lots to go!). My bathroom ceiling is fixed. The car is next. A cool front came through Austin tonight - complete with rain, lightning, and thunder...I do love a good summer storm. Bottom line: I have too many blessings to even try to list them here. Which is a good problem to have. And which is why the picture for this post says it all. Except for maybe it should read, "Life is great!"?! Thanks to all who read this who add to my wonderful life...