graduation

And within a few hours of applauds and words of praise, the Class of 2010 was off.
Some with a direct path.
Some with very little direction at all.
Some who think they have "it" all together.
Some who know they don't and worry...others who know they don't and are not worried at all!
Some who glowed today with every praise and accolade showered upon them...hopeful for the future.
Some who looked downright fearful at the next step.
Some who looked me in the eye and said, "Thank you for everything."
Some who couldn't look at me at all but hugged me as if they didn't want to let go and that said, "Thank you for everything", too.
Graduation is always a bittersweet day. So proud of what our students have accomplished but mostly of the young men and women whom they have become. It's lovely to have good grades, win lots of trophies, receive many honors, but the students of whom I am the most proud are the ones who have really grown into young adults over the course of their time at St. Andrew's. The ones who recognized that high school wasn't only for learning grammar and Physics and Spanish but also for learning about themselves, about others, and about the world around them.
I always feel like we're launching a bunch of ships or setting a bunch of balloons free on graduation day. Or really, it's more like a mix of the two. I think of the ships as those who know where they are going; they know who their captains are; they have a course all charted; and they go forth with confidence...and a bit of fear, too. The balloons are a little more free. They float around, tossed to and fro by the air currents around them, meandering through the atmosphere without any evident path. Scary? Perhaps. More adventurous? Maybe. More playful? Probably.
And in each class we have some of each...the ships who have studied the charts and picked (what they think is) the best route...and the balloons who are content to frolic in the air and land wherever they may land. And, of course, we have those who are ships but really wish they were balloons...and vice-versa.
But what I've realized over the years is that ships or balloons, they will in all likelihood encounter many of the same things in life. There will be outside forces directing their paths; there will be surprises for all of them. They will have to adjust their plans and dreams and be resourceful and resilient if they are to keep moving ahead. And there's something quite wonderful about that. No matter how "together" or not "together" they feel, they are all really quite similar. Unique, of course, because they are individuals. But there are common threads that hold us all together as humans.
So as another group of students leaves us, I hope we've given them what they need...or enough of what they need...to follow their dreams, overcome life's setbacks, and live a life full of meaning. Godspeed SAS Class of 2010!

...and we're ready!

Or at least the graduation books are ready. Hopped off my bike (40 miles) to do a brick (13 miles) and then scooted to school to clean up and wrap books for graduation awards. Somehow this has been my job since our first graduation in 2002. It's actually a very calming job. Even in my worst moments with uncooperative wrapping paper and tape and ribbon that is too slippery, it's an easy, peaceful job; I have something to show for it; and...it means that it's time for graduation!!
WOO-HOO...I am really ready for summer hours and even for the summer work projects that I need to tackle. They are big...a little daunting...and also exciting because they involve cleaning up a lot of messes and figuring out better ways to do things. Stuff that I would LOVE to do during the year but that I can't ever get around to.
P.S. I love that if you look closely in this picture you will see my stinky, sweaty running shoes on the floor of my office. This morning's training was a 40 mile bike ride followed by a 13 mile run. It's an infamously tough weekend of training and I feel really good about today's installment (40 miles to be ridden tomorrow afternoon after graduation). It was hot and humid but I managed to negative split the run - only by 2 minutes but I'll take it. Different sort of confidence boost from last weekend...glad to have both in my little CDA account. (Speaking of...less than a month now...YIKES.)

friday quotation

"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy... It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed." (Jacqueline Gareau, 1980 Boston Marathon champion)

This past week has been a completely mental one for me...in everything from work to training to relationships to handling the end of the school year. It's been emotional. Uplifting. Frustrating. Encouraging. Overwhelming. Rewarding. But ultimately, character building and strengthening. And this quotation, even though it's directly about running, seems to capture that notion. So often, it would just be easier to stop. Sit on the curb. Throw in the towel. And there are times when that's exactly the right thing to do. But I think you have to ask yourself a lot of tough questions before you get there. And usually, I end up realizing that I don't want to stop. Physically I might . But emotionally, I've got something pushing me forward. I think we all have this within us. It's what makes us dig deep, go through whatever it is, and let our will to succeed, thrive, and live life to the fullest overcoming any questions otherwise. Good stuff.

the week in review...a photo montage

For some reason, the best way to capture my week seems to be in pictures...so here you have it!
On Sunday I knew that summer was here when I made sure that these made their way into my grocery basket...YUM!
Monday's picture would be of a very tight girl doing yoga and contemplating living on the edge.
Tuesday, well, little did I know that the following photos would represent Tuesday...and a little bit of drama in my life...and approximately $2,500 worth of damage. (Thank goodness for insurance!!!)
Here (at the left) is where the deer first hit my car...yes, up close and personal, Ms. Doe. And thank you for the little "kiss" you left on my shoulder in the form of a nice bruise.And then...the next point of contact (at right). The passenger door behind the driver's door. A little extra AC on an early summer day...it helped dry my hair quickly on the way to work!
And finally...a few additional gifts left for me:
A parting gift from the deer...deposited in my lap and eventually tossed to the floorboard. And what car would be complete without a little glass confetti?! All over...from front back...next time, I don't need to be thrown a party on my way to swim, thanks. It did, however, allow me to test drive a new car for the week...the Jeep Commander. Which sort of drives like I imagine a small version of a Hummer might drive. As Jess pointed out, it takes up a lot of room and actually doesn't have that much more room to haul things than my Subaru Outback. I am having fun with the Satellite radio...and the back-up camera that beeps at me (and mutes the radio if it's on!) if I'm getting too close to something is helpful since there are so many blind spots. But I have discovered another car which I don't ever think I'll own.
Friday brought the last day of school before exams this coming week...imagine students (and teachers) with hands in the air!
And Saturday...Real Ale Ride...107 miles of wind and hills...good times! The 80 mile route looked something like this:
As usual, the ride started off slowly (I need about a 45 minute warm-up every time!) but after the 30 mile loop was complete I felt ready to tackle the 80 mile loop. Thankfully, I stayed on the heels of/pretty close to Brad the whole time which was fun for me. And we pushed on through the 80 mile loop even after the policeman had told us that the course was closed and that there would be no more support. Imagine our surprise when we (Dustin, Brad, and I) came up on a water stop that still had water, food, and people there...at the top of a big hill. Of which there were many...hills that is. Turns out that the course was staying open for a small group of us and for that, I'm really grateful to the volunteers and Red Licorice Events. It was awesome. And wind, hills, and all, I'd definitely do this ride again. It was beautiful out there in Blanco. Wild animals, fuzzy caterpillars (who were all madly rushing someplace!), and all... 45 minute brick which was painful, hot, and windy...but a HUGE wrap-up to a big day. Many thanks to those who waited for me to finish. And bonus: trip to Sonic with Jx3 (Jess, Joe, and Jeremiah) just in time for Happy Hour! Two cranberry limeades please :)
Back at home it was a quick change into a party dress (after a much needed ice bath...my legs were TOAST!) to attend the graduation party of a former student of mine who just received her Master of Social Work from UT. So cool to be included in this event...really honored to still be a part of her world even though she graduated from SAS in 2004. But home fairly early to prepare for a 17 mile run this morning...or at least to get some sleep. And try to eat some more. And try to drink some more.
Bottom line - I don't think I was successful at getting enough of those things. And as a result, today can only be expressed by the picture of a very sad, slow turtle meandering 17 miles around Austin...a journey that started and ended painfully!
But that also ended with more lessons than blisters and more confidence than self-doubt. The humidity and yesterday's ride + brick left me feeling a tad beat up physically so it was obvious to me that today was going to be much more a mental challenge than a physical one. Okay. Not more of a mental challenge but as much of a mental challenge. Down a road I haven't been in a long time...this run was last week's ride amplified (only shorter!). I re-acquainted myself with paces I haven't seen on a long run in a long time. I let go of pace goals and other goals and was able to focus on one: DO NOT WALK. That was my mantra. And you know what, I didn't! And at the end (even though I'm pretty sure I lost my smile), I gained a new level of confidence. Confidence that I will be able to finish the marathon at CDA...and hopefully run most to all of it this year. I bet this book on confidence doesn't have a chapter called "Have a really crappy run but keep running" but it should! Seriously, this run today hurt more than any other training run I've had but also taught me more and made me feel better about my training than any other run. I always thought a run where I felt great would do that, but it was, in fact, this terrible run that did that. And, as I said to a few friends today, a solid run one weekend followed by a bad ride + a solid ride the next weekend followed by a bad run...well, maybe I can't have it all in one weekend...or not until June 27. Let's hope it all comes together then! A little over a month away...the excited nerves are starting to kick in. What a journey it's been...but that's another blog entry that is sure to have lots of images (literal and figurative) in it, too.
This coming week is graduation, some other final exercises at school, a CDA 2009 video viewing party, and some other memorable things...let the filling of the wonderful scrapbook of my life begin.

friday quotation

It's never too late to be what you might have been.
~George Elliot

oh deer

It wasn't anything poetic like in the movies. No slow motion. No white lights. No seeing my life flashing before me in a beautiful, fading out series of slides.
It was much more confusing. The movement of a deer across the road creeping into my peripheral vision. Hitting the brakes - certain that the deer was going to dash in front of me and hoping that by hitting the brakes I could avoid hitting it. And then hearing the thud to my left and feeling the glass in my lap and on my neck and at my feet. And the sensation of something cool and round on my thighs that I didn't have the courage to look at until I had pulled over to the side of the road. I remember thinking that if it was my own blood, I was going to be okay. If it was part of the animal that had just t-boned my car, I was going to lose it.
I've never been so happy to see a side view mirror in my life. No longer attached to the driver's side door but resting in my lap as if the deer had left it for me as a present.
Slowly I drove to the side of the road, the pieces of glass making horrible crunching noises every time I turned the wheel, moved my body, or shifted gears. And finally, I turned the car off and everything stopped.
And thus began what I thought was going to be a routine Tuesday morning with a swim practice at Lost Creek followed by a day of work and then a core + spin workout in the evening. I never made it to the pool. Well, I did, but only to shower and go to work. I actually wanted to swim once I got there - there was so much adrenalin pulsing through my system that I felt like swimming would calm me down. But thankfully, I listened to Jess (which I'd been doing since the accident) and showered and cleaned up and drove to work instead. Which was probably a good thing because as the sun rose and I saw my car in the parking lot as I got in it to go to work, the reality of what had just happened sunk in. Which was a sign that I'd been in a small state of shock up until then. I'm not sure why, but the tears didn't actually flow until I sat at my desk at work and picked up the phone to call the insurance company again after talking to Catharine on the phone, getting a text from Laurie, and sending a quick email to Jess. Well, I know exactly why I didn't cry until then - that's my usual m.o.: hold it together through the crisis and the "must-do"s and then let the emotions flow as soon as everything has been done.
It's a funny thing, the stages that you go through when something like this happens, especially if you see it coming and know you can't really do anything about it. I've never been in a wreck where things shattered and parts of the car that belong on the outside end up on the inside. I've never really had a moment where I thought, "Well, this could be it" while I was driving. I've been lucky. And actually, I got lucky again on Tuesday. For all of the millions of pieces of glass shattered around me and in the road, for all of the force with which the deer hit me, for all of the deer hair that was on my car and in my car, I really was okay. A tad shaken. In need of a good, clear-thinking mind (enter Jess). But okay.
I'm not sure if you believe in guardian angels or in people being at the right place at the right time, but if ever I were a doubter about those things, Tuesday would have made me a believer. For all of the ways in which I thought I was in the wrong place at the wrong time (r.e. the deer crossing the road), I was in exactly the right place at the right time to have Jess right behind me on Lost Creek Blvd. I'm usually behind her somewhere because she's usually running early/on time and I'm usually running on time/late-ish, but today we were both on time. Which was serendipity in and of itself - I knew that as soon as I saw another car pulling over and noticed it was Jess. Calm and reassuring as always, she confirmed that I was okay (that there wasn't some massive cut I couldn't see!), gave me a big hug, reminded me to breathe (evidently my heart rate was a tad high), and starting running through the checklist of what I needed to do. (After answering my questions, including one about the deer. She confirmed it had run away...which probably deepened my shock!) Jess called 3-1-1 to tell them about the glass in the road. I called my insurance company to start that process. And we both stood in the dark for what seemed like hours but was actually about 20 minutes. (As I think about it now, especially as I realize just how closely Jess was following me down Lost Creek, I'm amazed at her calm state of mind. She didn't act rattled at all at having been a witness to the accident. I don't know if I could have mustered that. I'm forever grateful that she did.)
It's funny how life goes from everything happening so quickly that you can hardly take it all in to moving at the speed of a turtle. And in those quiet moments, that's where the processing begins. The questions: what could I have done? how did this happen? just how bad is the damage? how does glass fly all the way to the very back of your car? how many months will I still be finding glass in my car?! is my bike okay? how did the deer really survive that? what if the deer had hit the windshield? what if that glass hadn't been safety glass? what if? what if? what if?
Those questions could go on endlessly. And somewhere in my subconscious, I think they are still being asked. But the tasks of the day - insurance, rental car, work, expressions of thanks, food (FYI - adrenalin makes you HUNGRY!), second workouts of the day, phone calls to mom and dad (because at age 36 I still felt the need to tell them about this) - had to be accomplished and there's actually some comfort in returning to the norm after something so out of the norm.
I was told this past weekend that I wasn't actually a very good Scorpio because I wasn't terribly dramatic (or a lot of other things!) and I don't want to negate that observation, so I won't become terribly dramatic about this whole incident. But there are a few big picture reflections I must make:
- when I think about how much worse it could have been, I get really scared...and feel very humbled and grateful
- although she'll never really let me place this title on her, Jess was my guardian angel on the scene right when I needed her...I will never be able to appropriately thank her or repay her
- I'd rather get my early morning rush from swim practice than a run-in with a deer (all of you Lost Creek deer hear that?!)
- if the inventor of safety glass ever needed a blood donation, a monetary donation to some fund, or pretty much anything, I'd give it...willingly and gratefully
- life is precious and fragile and if you ever forget that, take yourself back to a moment when you thought "this might be the end" and you'll start to put things back in perspective
- surviving something like this relatively unscathed (well, surviving it at all) makes me think, "Hmmm...guess I'm meant to be around a little while longer. Guess there is some purpose to my being here. Better be the best person, living the best life that I can be."
And on that note...I best get on to doing that.
P.S. Credit to Jim Opre for the title of the blog!

yoga Monday

Do you ever feel like your own life is following you around in the form of words from other people?
Okay, I'm not sure that makes any sense so I'll give you some examples. Last week one of my friends (and coaches) posted some thoughts titled "Fortune favors the brave" which was all about setting intentions, going for something big, and trusting that life will put exactly what you need in front of you. She talked about how often we hold back because we're afraid...afraid of failing, perhaps afraid of succeeding, too. Anyway, I wrote her and said, "Ummm...was that directed to me?" Of course, it wasn't. But it sure felt that way.
It was just what I needed before heading into a challenging weekend because it reminded me to push myself...to see what I could do, even if I fell short (which, if you read my previous blog, you know I sort of did!)...to take a risk, even if it didn't work out. This is something I've been working on all year in different ways. I'm really good at "playing it safe" and yet I'm beginning to realize that I'm not getting very far in life by "playing it safe" or "playing by the rules" all of the time. And, really, who wrote those rules that I play by?! So if every once in a while I do something out of character, please forgive me for confusing you and know that I'm just stretching my own boundaries a little, taking a risk, trying something new...in other words, living on a new edge.Which was exactly the message that we received in yoga this morning...exploring your edges. Can you sit a little lower in chair pose? Can your pigeon be a little more hip-opening? Can your crescent lunge be a little deeper? (Well, really, maybe not today since I was so tight it wasn't even funny...or really, it was hysterical.) Our teacher asked, "What would happen if you went just a little further? What is just over that edge that you live on?" Deep questions at 6:30 a.m. But ones that I'd been mulling over all weekend in a subliminal way. I'd hit my edge more than once...and even fallen over it. Either on purpose or by mistake! Which then creates a new edge. And really, once you get on the other side, it's not so scary. And you recognize that you have to keep exploring those edges if life if to continue to be meaningful and exciting and rewarding...and maybe when you get to the edge, you'll find it more exhilarating than terrifying.
Here's to living life on the edge...anyone care to join me?

my weekend in "almost-ville"

WARNING: I almost didn't post this because I sometimes worry that I sound like I'm complaining or I worry about what others are going to think of me when they read my blog or, or, or... But above all else, the one thing I always wanted this blog to be was honest...not almost honest. So here it is.

I almost cried on my run yesterday...what?! That was a first. Not out of physical pain, just out of sheer frustration at wanting to be done with 20 miles...and not yet being done. Of wanting to be able to run faster...wondering why I couldn't increase my turnover...coming to peace with the idea that I was giving it my all even if it wasn't super fast...and happily realizing that I'd negative split when I actually finished (when I almost shed a tear as well - out of relief...and satisfaction). [Interesting note...all of that self-chatter happened in the last 30 minutes of the run...maybe if my brain has shut-up I would have had more energy to run!] End result: I probably gained more from this run mentally than from many other faster, stronger runs I've had. So the "almost tears" were worth it.

I almost threw in the towel today on my ride...what?! That would have also been a first. I was so frustrated that I couldn't get any speed going and that my legs never really got with the program. No matter what I tried: higher cadence, bigger gear, aero, non-aero, standing up, more water, more food, coming up with an alternate description for every road sign (for example: "limited sight distance" really means "you are about to hit a hill that you can't see up because it's so steep")...hanging onto the back of the cars that kept passing us. Oh, wait, I didn't do that last thing - that might have actually helped! Thank goodness I was out there with teammates, especially Erin who was with me the whole time, because I knew I couldn't quit. Well, I knew it for myself, too. You see my almost quitting is actually probably not almost at all. But I call it such if the idea even crosses my mind - even if I'm hours and mies from actually doing it. (My running buddies will tell you that I'm the queen of almost when it comes to our runs, too...heck, I'm almost to the end of the run before we've even started!) On Sunday, I bargained my way to every rest stop. And then when I realized how pitiful my average speed was (this was the ride where I averaged 16mph last month...today...just barely 15mph - and that was only b/c of my speedy south MoPac loop at the end) I bargained with myself about what I would do at the end. The ride would get us to 86 miles but we were supposed to ride 90 miles. I know, 4 miles, is not a huge deal. But yesterday, I made a huge deal about finishing the run to get the full 20 miles, even though I was literally doing laps in the parking lot. So I didn't really know how I could blow off 4 miles today. NOTE: this is 100% a "me" thing. Rationally, whether I'm 1 mile short on a long run or 4 miles short on a long ride, it's going to have no impact on my race on June 27. I KNOW THIS. But reason was not the prevalent voice in my head today. So, the deal I made with myself was: 1 - either hop off the bike and brick (pushing it) OR 2 - go and do a south MoPac loop and make sure I got to 90 miles...and push it (as some way of proving that I can actually go over 15mph on a bike?!). I decided to go with the latter. Headed to south MoPac and averaged 18mph...in the rain. It's stupid, I know, but I felt like I had redeemed the ride some. End result: again, I learned more about myself and what I can do on a tough, tough day like this (just as tough mentally as physically, although riding 90 miles after running 20 the day before is not cake walk) than I did riding Shiner and other blissful rides.

I almost made it through the whole day without working on school/AP stuff. But not quite. It's that time of year. It's okay.

I almost missed that New Orleans is flooding again...thankfully Gran and her house are okay. Except for that it keeps raining in her porch and she has to clean it which makes me wish I lived there and could do that for her.

I almost mastered my blondie recipe...took a couple of attempts this weekend. Should have gone with my gut on the pan size for the original batch!

I almost got everything on my "to do" list done...almost. (This is not to say that everything in my life is in tip-top shape! Far from it...I just don't put it all on my "to do" list anymore! That's what taper is for, right?!)

So how was my weekend in "almost-ville"? Well, I'm not usually an "almost" girl. If I'm going to do something, I try to do it 100%, not almost do it. (Doesn't mean I don't fall short...I just never aim to come up short.) And yet this weekend, playing in "almost-ville" was good for me. "Almost-ville" helped me define myself, challenge myself, and see things from a new perspective. Not sure I want to stay in "almost-ville" indefinitely, but it's a good place to visit every now and then. I think maybe for me it represents some physical, emotional, mental, spiritual edge that I reach from time to time...where I'm on the verge of doing something new or going someplace I've never been before. Even if it's an imaginary place like "almost-ville".

all in a day's play (with a little work, too)

Run 20 miles...breakfast tacos with friends...picking up some essentials from Jack & Adam's...packing up AP exams...gathering items for a picnic tomorrow...choosing some favorite childhood books to give to Kimberly and John's baby...quick change for chaperoning duty at prom...lots of laughs at prom...home to bake blonde brownies (yum)...mixing "sludge" for tomorrow's 90 mile ride...packing up the transition bag for a day of cycling...making sure bike grease is off my hands before I get into bed.
All in a day's play for me...lucky, lucky me.

friday quotation

Optimism is the foundation of courage.

tuna

I love tuna. Tuna steak. Tuna fillet. Tuna fish sandwiches. Tuna right out of the can on a salad - or not (on a salad). I don't love lots of (or any) mayonnaise in my tuna salad (I prefer mustard or Greek yogurt) and I won't eat it if it has onions in it. I used to pick them out as a kid! Gran makes THE BEST tuna salad and has shared her secret ingredients with me. I won't share them but I'll make you some if you're a tuna salad fan. Tuna is good when you need a salt and protein fix. It's good when you haven't been to the grocery store but need some substantial part of your meal. It's good to order out at restaurants - especially if it is grilled or blackened. Yum. Far as I can tell, there's only one downside to tuna - the SMELL. (Okay, there are all of the mercury warnings and such but I think you have to eat A LOT of tuna to be affected by that. Right?!)
As a kid, I used to have tuna sandwiches in my lunch a lot. I didn't eat a lot of PB & J. I ate a fair amount of turkey. And I did eat bologna (gross!) and cheese some. (I think I thought it was yummy at the time?!) But at least 1-2 times a week, I had a tuna fish sandwich because my mom knew I loved them. And at least that many times each week, someone would comment about the smell coming from my lunch bag.
When I was little I couldn't take a lunch box to school because I always forgot it on the bus! I did have a very cool lunch box...see pic at right...but I wasn't too responsible with it. So, I always had a brown paper bag for my lunch and aromas, like tuna, seep out of those very easily. Besides, we didn't use the bags with the ziploc tops; rather we had the fold-over tops so the smell of tuna easily snuck out of its plastic bag. I never thought this was a big deal, but, if you remember, kids can be mean. Someone would always say something not entirely kind about my stinky lunch, I would usually apologize with a "Sorry" and a shrug and then try to eat my sandwich as quickly as I could so the smell would disappear. I never asked not to have tuna. I don't think I ever even told my mom. Maybe it was because I didn't want to cause problems or admit someone was teasing me. Or maybe it was because I loved tuna!
Today...at age 36...flashback to childhood. I was eating lunch in the very brief break that I got from AP exams and someone walked into the faculty lounge and wrinkled her nose. "What is that?", she asked. I assumed by "that" she meant "that smell", so I answered, "Oh, it's tuna. Sorry." I'm not sure what I was sorry about. That it was smelly? That I was eating it? That I had some and she didn't? Whatever the reason, I felt the need to apologize. Which might be silly. Or just common courtesy. I did feel bad that the smell of my lunch had offended her. But unlike when I was a kid and wanted to scarf the food down as quickly as possible, I sat there and enjoyed every bite of my tuna and spinach salad...smells and all.

"the mind leads the body"

During a lighter moment in swim practice this morning, Vanessa (one of my swim lane buddies who I might someday be able to stay up with again...) looked at me and said, "You probably got the set the first time she said it." I looked at her and laughed, nodding my head, "Yes. Now if I could only get my body to catch on that fast." To which Vanessa replied, "Hey, the mind leads the body, right? That means you'll be in here long after the rest of us have quit."
Well, that's not entirely true given my workout partners...no one throws in the towel. Or at least not easily...and with a medical escort away from training! But it was a good reminder for me that sometimes it is an issue of mind over matter. Not always. But most of the time.
When our body is saying that we can't, we need to hear the "you can" in our minds...and trust that our bodies will think, "I can...and I will." I'll remember this on June 27 in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho when my body is starting to question if it can. Thanks, Vanessa, for one of the many mantras that I'll repeat to myself that day.
P.S. And thank you, Jim, Don, and Alex for letting me hang with the guys today in our swim lane...solid efforts by all! Welcome to the lane, Jim! (Jess, you're my next kidnapping victim...get ready...)

unbelievably predictable

So last night I was at loose ends...and today when I sat down to write about it something made me think that I'd been here before. Literally.
It just felt all too familiar. Right down to the timing in the year and in my training. And the feelings...they were the same, too.
What were the clues? Well, last week I:
- missed alarms (twice!)
- had a small cryfest (only 1!)
- almost ran out of patience (more than twice...)
- laughed and joked a lot (too many times to count)
- promised myself I would sleep more (daily if not multiple times daily)
- chugged water + Emergen-C because I felt like I was getting run down (again...daily)
- stressed about AP exams (daily)
- felt great about my IM training and worried about my IM training (daily? maybe not quite daily...on many days, I was "going through the motions")
And as I sat down to think about this, I thought to myself: "Didn't you feel this way last year at this time?" Guess what...it's EXACTLY what I was feeling this time last year. Seriously, almost to the date (thank goodness for blogs where we've recorded such things!). Definitely around this time of APs at school and at this point of IM training. Maybe it's the combination of intense exercise + end of year mania that gets the better of me after a while.
Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy or just that time of year? I think the latter.
A blessing or a curse to be so predictable? I think both.
All I know is that if I'm this good at spotting trends in my life and if, with a quick look at history, I could have predicted this, maybe I should try my hand at meteorology!

Happy Mother's Day

I got to do lots of great things this Mother's Day...including things that reminded me of the very many "moms" in my life. I know you only have one mother in your life - and mine is amazing so I'm not sure why I got lots of other "mother figures", too, but I did!
My day included:
- cheering on others at a triathlon this morning (Go, Rookie friends!! Proud of each one of you!!)
- planting some caladium leaves
- roasting a chicken and veggies
- getting a pedicure
- grocery shopping
- cleaning house, doing laundry...getting ready for the week
- reading a book
- catching up with friends
Things that my "moms" have modeled over the years...as mundane as some of them may seem, they remind me of these women in my life. Maybe because they did them with grace and never complained about them. Maybe because I now appreciate the work that just keeping up with life entails. Who knows?
But most of all, I had a sweet conversation with my mom. And then one with Gran. And I know both of those things are priceless. I'm really lucky to have my mom and Gran in my life, and on Mother's Day it was good to step back and remember that again...and again...and again. There have been times in my life when I haven't always been as appreciative of my mom as I should have been but those times seem far away right now. I will probably have never expressed it well enough, but I'm hoping my love and gratitude are known somehow.
As for the other women in my life who've been like mothers to me, well, suffice to say I wouldn't be who I am without you. You've all molded me in your own special way and I'm grateful for your influence as well.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! You're wonderful, precious women to me...

friday quotation

TGIF!

(That's not really a quotation but it's my thought for the day...and I bet a lot of famous people have said it!)

"she never showers at home either"

I've been thinking a lot about showers lately.
Not meteor showers or "April showers bring May flowers" showers. But bathing showers.
I guess it all started last week when somehow Jess and I got to talking about just how many showers we DON'T take at home while we're training. That week, it turns out - since I was both training AND dog sitting - I had not showered at home all week and it was Sunday. I had showered plenty, but just not in my own home. I had showered at Barton Springs, at the PTC, at Lost Creek, at Circle C, in a shower trailer at the end of the Shiner ride, at Laura's house...you get the picture. It's always a treat to shower at Barton Springs (as I noted before, it makes me feel like I'm at camp). And the other places aren't bad either.
In fact, I'm not very picky about my showers and even though it really is nice to shower in your own shower every once in a while...just like it's nice to sleep in your own bed...I really can't complain because I always have a shower to come home to. And I was reminded of this at Stacy Pool on Wednesday.
I swear, every time I oversleep and miss a swim workout and end up at Stacy I have some encounter with someone that makes me think that maybe I was supposed to swim there instead. This week my encounter was with a woman in the locker room. I was finishing up my shower and sort of laughing to myself that I could now add ANOTHER place where I had showered to my list. As I said "Good morning" to the other woman in the locker room, she replied, "Yep...it's a good morning for a shower." It occurred to me in that moment, "This woman NEVER showers at home either. Because she doesn't have a home to go to. All of these showers are her home. You not showering at home is a luxury; hers is a necessity."
Boom.
Like a ton of bricks.
Not that I'd been complaining about never showering at home, but thinking about never being able to shower at home...because I didn't have a home...well, that would be worth complaining about. But this woman wasn't complaining. She was grateful for a shower. And grateful for the day. And, you know, I was, too. Shower and all.

"stay in touch"

How many times have we said that in our lives? How many times have we actually done it? I know I'm probably 50-50 on a good day. I'd like to say I am great about it or at least 70-30, but I'm not.
For example, at the end of each year, my students and I say good-bye and that we'll stay in touch...and sometimes we do...and sometimes we don't. But just this week I was showered with "I'm staying in touch" reminders.
- an email from a former student suggesting that we get together for coffee
- an announcement that two are graduating from college
- an announcement that one is graduating from graduate school
- learning that another one of my former students is graduating from graduate school AND about to become a father (okay, that freaks me out a little, too!)
- having one stop by my office the other day when she was on campus just to say "hi"
- having the parent of another come in and give me a big hug last week and catch me up on her two boys and leave with the words, "You know you are very special to our family."
I'm always proud of my students. Of their accomplishments: more school...following their dreams...defying the odds in some cases...building a family...taking on new challenges in life...just figuring out life!
But more than that, I'm touched that sometimes they include me in their current lives by reaching out and staying in touch. That they remember someone who they once saw every day, although I'm sure I drove them crazy 75% of the time! That they are good reminders for me that we're never really too far from the places and people who molded us...and that we can't really live authentically in the present if we don't stay in touch with our past.
On that note...I have some catching up to do...

yoga Monday

I surprised myself by making it to yoga this morning. I was sleepy. We had a new teacher. I was (still am!) sore from the weekend of training that I had. Yet I knew I needed to make it to the mat. And I did. Barely. Like, actually-got-out-of-bed-at-6:05-for-a-6:30-class barely. Good thing I love close and had packed up everything the night before.
Anyway, in class I discovered that I was even less flexible and more tight than I'd imagined. And our teacher, in a great way, kept coming around and trying to help me move deeper into the positions. Each time I thought, "Ummm...seriously...you don't get it...this is as far as I can go." And each time I made it a little bit further (within reason...there was a stopping point!).
And it made me think back to a podcast that a friend of mine at work who listens to more wonderful podcasts than I even know exist shared with me last week. It's a pretty inspiring conversation about limits. If you are an endurance athlete (or maybe any sort of athlete), it's essential listening. But it's also really great even if you're not an athlete because it talks about the limits of the mind and the limits of science as well as the limits of the body. It's pretty fascinating...and an easy listen. Put it on when you're cleaning the house or driving in traffic or just needing to be motivated. It sort of makes you wonder if we have limits.
I know we do, but I am constantly pushing past my own. Breaking down walls that I've set up for myself - physically, mentally, emotionally... I don't think I'm invincible by any means but I have become convinced that usually we can go longer, further, and through more pain (emotionally or physically) than we ever imagined. AMAZING.
P.S. I love the "instructions" about posting on the Radiolab website: "Please stay on topic, be civil, and be brief." I can only claim to be consistently one of those things...

it's a wonder that...

...it's already May
...it took me until May 2 to have my first SNOCONE!!! of the season (spearmint and coconut at Casey's, in case you were wondering)
...we haven't had any really hot weather yet ("hot" meaning mid-90s or so)
...it's time for Advanced Placement exams at school again
...the awful, awful oil spill in the gulf continues to spread
...on a day when I'm feeling completely "off" I manage to pull out one of my best long runs yet. I was a tad slower than my best average BUT I pulled off a negative split (thank you, Amy B, for those stats!) - which I was beginning to think I was incapable of. I owe this run to Amy B. and Jess though...no way I could have mustered this speed (or maybe even the 17.81 miles!) by myself.

Shiner 2010

What a difference a year and the wind makes.
Last year this time, after completing the Shiner ride, I was wiped out. The (just ever-so-slightly under) 100 miles had kicked my butt. The headwind and the sun had worn me down. The bbq and the DQ blizzard on the way home had not even helped that much (although they were pretty darn good). This year...TOTALLY different story.
I kicked the butt of the (just ever-so-slightly under) 100 miles (97 to be exact); or at least the best butt-kicking I can muster (18.67 mph average...nothing short of shocking!)...even though plenty of other cyclists out there who kicked my butt! The tailwind (with a few patches of headwind and crosswind for good measure) and cloud cover gave me extra speed and energy. Always fun to have Nancy and Catharine as riding buddies...and I'm proud of them for tackling that distance without having all of the training that I do under their belts...YET. IMAZ is around the corner for them and they are going to be awesome! (Special thanks to them for helping me change my tire...damn tack.) Always good to see so many T3ers out there, too. Nothing like having your team around to keep your legs moving! And the Oreo Mint blizzard from DQ on the way home did nothing but boost my already high spirits. (Thanks again, Chrissie and Jeremiah, for the ride...totally made this ride doable for me given that AP exams are this week and I have a TON of work to do this weekend.)
In fact, I think everyone was in high spirits today because of the wonderful conditions and that was so fun! Quite a change from last weekend when so many of us took a beating from the sun and wind in Galveston.
I know that CDA is MUCH hillier than the Shiner ride. I know that we won't have a tailwind the whole way - perhaps not at all...and we could have a headwind. But today was a major confidence boost as we head into the final stretch of training. Which continues tomorrow with an 18-mile run...yep. Hoping that goes well...always a little daunted by a run of that length but ready to give it my best shot!