boo humbug

I talked to Gran today and she said, "Are you doing anything for Halloween? You know you've never liked Halloween." I had to laugh because Mom said something similar earlier in the week. Not sure why I don't like Halloween but it is probably my least favorite holiday. I guess everyone is allowed to have a holiday that they don't really like all that much, right? I don't have any reason to have anything against it. I love candy. I like the idea of trick-or-treating. And I think some of the costumes I see each year are hilarious, clever, and cute. Maybe I just can't ever come up with one of those?!
But even as a kid, I never wanted to choose a costume. And although I did do my fair share of trick-or-treating, I think I was actually best at saving the candy that I acquired. Go figure. My friend Blythe and I would have contests - who could save their candy the longest. One year we both lasted until Easter, at which point our wise mothers said "Game over" and pitched the Mr. Goodbars and Twizzlers in the garbage. I'm not sure who won; I'm betting on me.
Anyway, my Halloween was spent enjoying a GORGEOUS day in Austin with a bike ride this morning (with Jane and Catharine - thanks, girls!) and then running much needed errands before settling in at home to cook and clean. Yes, this condo of mine wouldn't have needed any cobwebs from the store to become a "haunted house" but it's now clean as a whistle. Well, maybe not quite that clean but MUCH cleaner than yesterday. I'm not sure how it goes from manageable to unmanageable overnight but sometimes it does. Still have some pick-up work to do in my study but that is a chore for Sunday...
P.S. Thanks to Catharine for the appropriate title of my blog.

friday quotation

(well...it helps to hit "post" instead of "save"...better late than never!)

A mother understands what a child does not say.

This one is for my mom as a thanks for always hearing something in my silence. Love you, Mom, and thanks especially for your wonderful words this week.

the 80s made me cool?

I can't write anything "deep" or "thoughtful" tonight because I've been "deep" in "thinking" mode all day writing and reading letters of recommendation and doing other things to get a bunch of college application materials together for my students...my head hurts a little. Partly because as I write about each student I feel incredibly humble, grateful, and inadequate. I work with amazing teenagers...many of whom I would put in the "wonderful human being" category even at age 17 or 18. Seriously. I'm not worthy!
And to add to that bounty, I also get to teach Service Learning to 9th graders. Together we ponder what it means to serve, who we serve, how we are served, why we serve others. It's a very cool, organic class. And today the seven of us headed over to El Buen Samaritano to unload rice into their food pantry. It's that time of year...the HarvestBowl! St. Andrew's and St. Stephen's bring rice, beans, canned goods, cereal, etc... to stock the El Buen food pantry. It's quite a big deal and very, very cool to be part of. Today we needed to unload a van that had flats of rice in it. Good assembly line work - Henry Ford would have been proud.
But the funniest part was the drive over with these 9th graders. They were messing with the radio and someone found "Hungry Like the Wolf" and before I knew it, windows were rolled down, and we were all singing like we were at a karaoke parlor. SO FUNNY! They knew all the words and were surprised that I did, too. When I said, "Guys, this is my music" they looked at me and said, "Cool." Ah, Duran Duran has somehow made me cool. Or something!

signs you'll live to 100

Another birthday is around the corner for me so maybe that is why I stopped to read a list of "signs that you'll live to 100" from Prevention?! So, I'll only be 36 but if I follow in the footsteps of my remarkable Gran, I might have some centenarian genes in me, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to see if I was on the right track! And if lifestyle patterns mattered, I wanted to check them out here.
(Disclaimer - some didn't apply because I'm not old enough for them to...so I left them out).
- you embrace techie trends...well, sort of. I don't have a Facebook account but I'm pretty "with it" other than that. I think.
- you skip cola (even diet)...yep. A Coke every now and then after a long weekend workout doesn't count! But even if it did, I can't remember the last time I had a Coke.
- you eat purple food...yay for blueberries and blackberries and purple grapes. Not so keen about eggplant though. So, yes...some purple. Maybe not enough.
- you don't like burgers...okay, I do LIKE burgers. But I don't eat them that often. Had my first one in ages a couple of weeks ago. And I'll probably have another in 3-4 months or so.
- you run 40 minutes a day...or swim or bike or do yoga or core. Yes. Run each day, no. But I think I'm covered in the exercise category.
- you'd rather walk than drive...well, yes. But in Austin it's a little tough given where I live, work, and play.
- you don't have a housekeeper...um, no. But my little condo could use some housekeeping work about now. This weekend!
- you're a flourisher...by this they meant that you live a life of meaning. YES!!!
- you're in a drama-free relationship or marriage...ha! Well, seeing as this relationship is non-existent right now, it's VERY drama-free! On a more serious note though, I've never been much a drama-queen when it comes to relationships. I try to keep ALL relationships pretty drama-free.
- your friends are healthy...yes! Thank you, friends, for taking care of yourselves.
- you were a healthy weight teen...thanks to soccer, volleyball, and a mom who watched what I ate, I was a healthy weight teen.
So...a million things could happen between now and 100 (namely 64 years!) but I think I'm on the right track. Better take care of this body if it's supposed to last that long...better start getting back on that sleep deal. Going to need my rest to make it to 100 as much as I need my rest to ride 100 miles!

where in the world?

Why, oh, why when I see maps like the one above that plots the most remote places in the world do I have a desire to visit those remote places?!
I guess it's the same thing that makes me want to hike the Appalachian Trail or go camping or do an Ironman? A sense of adventure. The thrill of being outdoors. The challenge of doing something I haven't done before. The peacefulness of being cut off from technology and the world for a little while.
But it's such a funny thing to me because in so many ways I'm a total homebody at heart. I love my little condo. I love my bed. I love this space that I've created and I really don't like to be gone for too long.
Better remember that if I ever endeavor to visit the most remote place in the world - Tibet, parts of which are three weeks away from a city...taking 20 days on foot. But just writing that makes me want to go check it out!

monday means yoga

At least in my world.
And yoga means stretching out the body from my weekend and getting my mind in gear for the week.
And this morning it meant crawling out of a very warm and cozy bed to drive to Yoga Vida. Hoping that Deralyn was teaching and looking forward to the heat of the studio since it was chilly and rainy outside. (Honestly, I wanted to stay in bed...but I knew I'd feel better after going to yoga.)
No disappointments as of 7:45 a.m. when I was walking out of the studio on my way to work. Deralyn taught a great class - complete with lots of one-on-one instruction which was awesome...and then the blasted pigeon and frog at the end. I've never been one for birds so it's fitting that one of my least favorite poses (b/c it is SO painful) is pigeon. But I'd never really had a problem with frogs until now!
On through the fast day with college reps, meetings with students, preparations for tonight's Information Night (always makes me SUPER grateful to work where I do...amazing students...wonderful colleagues...a sense that there is good in the world and that all things are possible), dropping my bike at Jack & Adam's for a tune-up (and a new chain!!)...and trying to stay warm! It was the sort of weather today that settles in my bones, chills me through and through, and doesn't creep out until I slide into my bed with my down comforter at night (in just a few minutes!).
Thought for the day from Deralyn...I'm not quite sure what to make of all of it, but I like it: "Stillness creates love; movement creates life." Guess it's a sort of yin-yang thing. We need both - love and life, stillness and energy - in this world. Today was more movement than stillness for me...guess more life than love. I worry that many of my days are more full of movement than stillness. Hopefully this doesn't mean that my life is lacking in love...or that I'm not sharing enough love with people.
I certainly don't feel that way but maybe I'm moving too fast and have missed the signs.
P.S. I ended the day with a few too many handfuls of Reese's Pieces...we'll see how that treats me in the pool tomorrow morning!!

I'm exhausted...

...and I didn't even race today! I only volunteered at the Longhorn 70.3 where a bunch of my T3 teammates were racing...while others raced in D.C., in Perth (well, that was officially yesterday b/c of the time change). (And in Cedar Park yesterday, too). I feel sort of lame for being so tired! Still, I will sleep well tonight after a good number of hours cheering and helping at a water stop - which, by the way, is a serious full-time job.
It was another day that I was so proud to be wearing T3 blue. So proud. So honored. So inspired. From start to finish (from pre-dawn until nearly dusk), T3 was out in full force (around the globe!). Veterans of the 1/2 Ironman distance and rookies alike finished on a great but challenging course today. It was cool to see people PR and truly amazing to see teammates like Mary Egan bring it home. You see such incredible things when people challenge themselves and see what they are made of. It's always humbling to observe...and experience. Today made me feel full of life and encouraged to go out there and keep living life in a big way!
And the same thing happened in D.C., Perth, and Cedar Park. I'm going into my Conroe taper (yay!!) incredibly inspired by everything I witnessed this weekend. (Now to stay healthy & injury-free!)

"at camp we don't live from day to day but from thing to thing"

Not back at camp (although sometimes I wish I were!), but certainly living out this favorite saying of Miss Dollie's today - "at camp we don't love from day to day but from thing to thing."
My day:
7:45 a.m. - 40 mile bike ride
- run back home to drop off the bike
11:45 a.m. - go to school to see the cross country meet & cheer for my advisees
- FOOD! on the way to ...
1:30 p.m. - car wash & talk to Amy to check in about her MARATHON tomorrow!
- home to shower and get ready for Chris and Liz's wedding
4:00 p.m. - wedding
5:30 p.m. - reception...bbq...dancing...lots of good laughs...Joe and Blythe
10:00 p.m. - finish cookies for Longhorn 70.3 tomorrow & checking work email to proofread an essay for a student
11:15 p.m. - need to be in bed for an early rise tomorrow
Seriously, hardly a moment to breathe...and tomorrow is likely to be much like today. Feeling tired but lucky that I enjoy all these things in my life so much!

friday quotation

For all of my friends and teammates who are racing this weekend...and for all of us as we go through life.

Spirit has fifty times the strength and staying power of brawn and muscle.

flip-flop

No...I have not taken up gymnastics. (Left that behind in 7th grade after a bad accident on the uneven parallel bars that would have made my life completely different from the way it is today if it had ended as badly as they originally thought!) But my day was a total flip-flop of what I had planned and expected.
I woke up to (more) rain. Made for great sleeping weather last night and brought some much desired cooler weather with it. And we just plain need the rain.
But the last time it was raining like this I was the only one who showed up at swimming and Chrissie refused to go home and instead stood in the rain coaching just me because she's just awesome like that. It was a fabulous private lesson but I felt guilty the whole time. And I didn't want to risk that again this morning! So I headed to CoreFit instead. I was supposed to do CoreFit in the afternoon - flip-flop #1.
As a result I got to work extra early so I cranked out a lot of stuff. Did work that I would have done after school before the school day even started -flip-flop #2. The day was full of my own deskwork, working with students, entertaining college reps...the usual.
Somewhere mid-morning two other shifts occurred - a cold front came through and with it some drier air and I decided I would run tonight...shift #2 was partly in reaction to shift #1! Decided to do my 8 mile run today instead of tomorrow morning - flip-flop #3. I love that I'm so much more flexible with my training these days. Makes my life MUCH easier. Duh.
My run was awesome. Something to do with the cooler weather, you think?! DEFINITELY! I really am just a better, easier runner when the weather is cool. And evidently, lots of Austinites are partial to this weather, too, since the Town Lake trail was teeming with runners. Saw some familiar faces which was fun and really tried to push myself for the 8 miles. Held an average that I was happy with...which is nice since it might be my last run of any real distance before Conroe in 3 weeks!
Final flip-flop of the day...dinner with Erin instead of coffee with her tomorrow morning AND breakfast for dinner at Magnolia. Yum. Great way to end a topsy-turvy but wonderful, "go with the flow" sort of day. Not sure I want everyday to be like this but it turned out to be much better than I ever imagined living in the moment and taking each turn as I rounded it.

breakthrough

Sometimes just when I think I'm settling into the status quo in life, I have one of these weeks where at every turn I feel like I'm moving from a plateau to a new level.
When it happens at work it's usually related to getting stuff done, feeling like I'm making major headway with a project, or finally getting through to a student. I've had a few moments like this in the past few days - mostly with students as I work on essays and applications with them but also with some committee work that I'm doing. My desk is still a disaster area...no breakthroughs there, but I will take care of that on Friday.
And just when I thought I was heading into the last 2-3 weeks of Conroe training with a bit of a whimper, my training has surprised me. I've been front loading this week so that I can enjoy this weekend with Blythe and Joe in town (YAY!!!) and with the Longhorn 70.3 on Sunday (where I'll be volunteering and not racing, thank you!). So it's been busy: Monday - yoga + hills (and not a workout for the faint-hearted...serious long hill, short hill stuff); Tuesday - swim + spin; Wednesday - spin + open water swim at Barton Springs...and it won't stop there. Thursday will be swim + corefit; Friday will bring my 8 mile run; and Saturday will bring a 30-35 mile bike ride with a 15 minute brick. And then...taper...next week and the next. YAY!
But it's nice to go into that taper feeling like I really did get to hit another peak in my training. And I think I realized it this morning on the bike of all places?! I was able to keep the cadence, in the right gear, and I felt strong. I surprised myself - seriously. Two spins back to back, on the heels of a swim and running hills. I had no business feeling strong on Wednesday morning. But I did. And I'll take it. Still need to work on some foot position (thank you, Chrissie, for helping me with that) but amazed by how good the spin class felt.
Headed into the rest of the week ready to tackle whatever comes my way...at work or in training or in life in general. And grateful that breakthroughs in one area of my life can affect the other areas in a such a good way!

squash soup...

...FAIL!
Seriously. If I ever invite you over for dinner and tell you that I'm serving squash soup, RUN do not walk away from the table. I've tried to choke it down twice now and ended up getting through about 4 bites of it at lunch today before I finally had to admit - to myself and to my colleagues whom I was eating with - that it is just not good. It has all good stuff in it. Squash. Onions. Spices. Chicken broth. And I'm sure it's packed with vitamins. But there's something about it that makes me want to gag. Maybe it's the curry? Maybe it's the way the squash cooks up? Who knows. At any rate, although it pains this "puritan at heart" who never wastes things, I think I'm going to have to introduce Mr. Squash Soup to Mr. Garbage Disposal.
I know, I know...there are starving children in Africa and even here in Austin, but I wouldn't give this to even the most hungry person.
On the bright side, it was a labor intensive recipe that I'm sort of relieved I don't have to repeat! And I did get a couple of meals out of it. And I didn't have to subject anyone else to it...ah, the joy of cooking for one!
P.S. I love that my post today is not anything like my post yesterday! Welcome to my life...

yoga is definitely right

At risk of repeating myself, I'm going to say that I always feel better after starting my day and week with yoga. And it's especially nice when it's chilly outside and you walk into the warmth of the yoga studio and it's comforting and peaceful and wonderful.
I always try to listen to whatever the "gem" of the day is - usually a saying or a theme or something that the teacher starts the class with.
Today's could have been written just for me. Of course, it wasn't just for me, but it felt like it as it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Look at What's Right - Take time to notice what's right in ourselves, in others, and in the world around us. We may become so concerned with correcting ourselves that we become habituated to see what's wrong. Not just seeing it - constantly looking for it. The question itself - What's wrong? - is enough to keep us on edge. There are times to take stock, do an inventory. Times to learn and grow. But spirituality and joy do not stem from trudging around in the muck or what's wrong with others, ourselves, and life. We do not have to seek out mistakes and errors, poking and picking at ourselves to continue our growth. Poking and picking hurts. Our lessons will be revealed to us, and they will present themselves naturally. Growth will occur. Give yourself a break. Ask yourself what's right, what's good, what's true, what's beautiful. Sometimes the lesson isn't in discovering what's wrong. Sometimes the lesson is discovering that the world is all right - and so are you.

Nice way to start the day...by thinking to look at what's right or what's going right or what's good in my life instead of being so critical of myself. "The world is all right...and so am I." At the very least, yoga is right for me...and definitely the right way for me to start my week.

might it be fall?

A chill in the air in the morning. (Especially out at Decker Lake this morning...perfect day for Practiceman + BBQ. Thanks to everyone who made that happen!)
Crisp days with sunshine...and maybe a little rain later in the week.
Being warm in the afternoon when you're in the sun wearing shorts and a t-shirt but cool enough to warrant a long-sleeved t-shirt when you're in the shade.
Brisk winds that make the leaves spin in the air.
Temperatures in the 50s at night and 70s during the day.
Nighttime air that cools the house and makes sleeping under a comforter wonderful.
Football.
The triathlon season winding down.
Marathon/distance running season gearing up.
Thoughts of the holidays starting to skip in and out of my head.
And butternut squash soup in my crock pot with awesome spices that make my house smell like fall.
Yep...it might just be here, folks. I'm ready.

outlaw 100

First 100-miler since CDA. "Why?" was everyone's question. "You're training for a 1/2 Ironman, why do you need to ride 100 miles?" Well, I don't really NEED to but in an effort to get stronger on the bike, Chrissie suggested that I add some 100-milers into my fall/winter training schedule. And I usually try to listen to and follow my coaches' advice. So I rode 100 miles today. The original plan was to ride with Sallie, Josie's sister; but I never found her at the start and Courtney and I started off together and stayed together for 85-90% of the ride. It was fun to ride together again - like old times from Longorn training last year. Courtney's getting ready for IMFL next month so it was a great time to pass along any little bits of advice I could think of. The weather was gorgeous - minus the headwind - and we saw a good number of T3ers, Robyn, and Rebecca out there which is always fun.
As usual, I averaged right about 15.5-15.75 mph. It's really quite funny. But at least I'm not getting slower! Well, that's slower than my CDA pace (what?!) but I have to remind myself that I wasn't racing or pushing this and we stopped about three times as much. And I felt really strong at the end. So much so that I tried to push it the last 20 miles and probably averaged closer to 17-18 mph for those. Wonder what it would be like to have that be my average speed?! Hmmm...maybe one day I'll know. Something to keep working for.
At any rate, it was a GREAT day to be on a bike and to go outdoors. Grateful that this passion of mine gets me outside on days like today. And that today was so beautiful that we could celebrate Suzanne's birthday outside tonight with some PIZZA...much needed after a century. In an awesome mood as I head off to sleep...I think I'll sleep well.

friday quotation

I'm not quite sure why I chose this quotation for today. Maybe it's because a friend said to me, "You're not the same person you used to be...in a good way." And I got to thinking that I think (hope?) I am becoming more the person I want to be - and maybe have always been but was afraid to be - in baby steps, but still I'm moving in that direction. And some of my getting there is getting over the roadblocks and the resistance that was in the way. Self-inflicted resistance. Old mantras that didn't serve me well. Old pictures of myself that were holding me back. Trying to be less fearful and timid as I move forward...

Be open to the whole journey, all parts of it.
Is there a feeling, a person, a thought, a project that you have been avoiding? Is there some part of your life that you're refusing to deal with or open up to? Is there something you're resisting, something that makes you stubbornly say no? ... Be open to everything. Your most valuable lessons may well come from the things you're resisting most.
(Melody Beattie)

punctuation

No, this is not going to be a lesson in grammar. Although I'm fairly certain that some of my former English teachers would be horrified at the grammar mistakes that I make in this blog! But this entry comes from a conversation I had in my second meeting of the morning (the first was at 7:00 a.m., the second was at 8:30 a.m. - thus went the rest of my day...meeting, meeting, meeting...until happy hour with some girlfriends!). We were talking about a student's essay and her dad said, "Did the other people editing it think that you had used too many semi-colons? I thought you had." The student said, "No. They thought it was fine. Besides, I LOVE semi-colons." We all laughed. When do you exclaim that you LOVE a punctuation mark?!
Anyway, it got us all answering the question, "If you were a punctuation mark, which one would you be?" In the room - an exclamation point, a semi-colon, and an ellipsis... Yes, the last one was mine. In case you haven't noticed, I love the three simple dots of the ellipsis.
Technically the ellipsis can be used to represent an omission (intentional) of words from a quotation. But it can also be used to indicate an unfinished thought or if it's at the end of a sentence it suggests that the sentence trails off.
Pretty much, it means that there's more to the story...LOVE THAT! So, yes, I would be an ellipsis...because I like to think that my story has not ended...that there's more to come...that it's unfinished. Appropriately...

what a week...

...but I made it! I kept telling myself last week that if I could just make it to this Wednesday (today) that all would be well in my work world. And it now feels like it is. At least as far as big events go. College Fair last week...PSAT Day and Essay Editing Day today. Now they are all behind me. And as far as I can tell, everything went smoothly. HUGE thanks to my colleagues who helped make today go so well at school. The logistics are tricky. Basically, I'm trying to keep all the "trains" coming and going from the station on time. 10th and 11th graders in classrooms taking the PSAT with fabulous faculty proctors; 12th graders in classrooms working with amazing teachers who help them with their college essays OR in the library working with our great college counselors on their college applications.
And then lunch with my sweet advisees...it always stresses me out because there are cars + teenagers involved. And everyone treats the event like a bit of a "jail break" since we feel like we're breaking the rules being off campus for lunch! But today was fun - as it always is. And you'd think I'd learn to relax about it, but I think I'm just wired to worry like this. Home Slice treated us well and by mid-afternoon my advisees were on their way home or to musical rehearsal and I was on my way back to pack up the PSAT. With that finished (only took about 2 hours this year!), I headed over to track practice.
BEST SURPRISE in a long time...football game at O'Henry!!!! This means we do "track" in the neighborhood. I've seriously been waiting a year for this to happen...and I missed it last week when it did. You know my issues with track practice. Well, I don't mind track practice when it's not on the track! Very humid weather made the workout extra tough but it felt really good to complete it. Last "big" week in Conroe training so I'm trying to focus and push hard. Been tough with my work schedule and early a.m. meetings but I think I'm getting my hours in. Plus, I'll do 100 miles on the bike this weekend so I'm definitely going to have my work cut out for me.
Goal last week was to survive this CRAZY week...check! Now sleep - looking forward to a good night's sleep...a satisfied sleep.

my car...

...is not the one in the picture, but it has just as full of an internal life right now! Current inventory (from front to back):
- various water bottles (mostly empty) thrown on the floor
- bike
- boxes of bases for stands for college fair
- maps
- wetsuit
- yoga mat
- blanket
- bike helmet
- bike shoes
- "green" bags for grocery store
- bike pump
- extra running shoes
- bag with spare set of yoga clothes and general workout clothes because I wasn't sure what the weather was doing this morning and wanted to be prepared...damn, I would have made a good Girl Scout!
- random hangers that never make it back in the house
- camp chair
- umbrella
- box of extra bike gear...arm warmers, headband, gloves, leg warmers, tubes, water bottles, CO2 cartridges, socks, random non-perishable food items, miscellaneous stuff (extra Ziploc baggies, zip ties, sunblock...)
- bag of swim gear (goggles, paddles, swim cap, pull buoy, fins, etc...)
- container of workout drink (PureSport grape)
- and underneath it all in the hidden compartment...jumper cables! Because, really everyone should have these in the car...and know how to use them.
I think that's it.
The moral of the story: I need to clean out my car.
The reality: I know that as soon as I do, I will need one of those items that's in there right now. Besides, do I really want to risk not being able to survive in the wilderness should I get stranded in my car. Seriously, you never know how handy an extra wetsuit could be if it's below freezing?!
P.S. On another note...but related to my car...I have finally joined the rest of you and have a remote entry thingee for my car. I've only had the car for four years without one - that's not a problem, right?! (I won't go into great detail about why I finally got it now...let's just say I'm trying to be resourceful and come up with a work-around to turning my car over to the mechanics to fix a lock where I will surely have to leave my car for a day or two and pay through the nose for it... Frugal (a nice word for cheap, I know!)? Clever? Okay, maybe a little ridiculous but pretty funny all the same, right?)

old habits die hard...

I know this. And yet I was reminded of it again today in yoga class. Deralyn talked to us about quieting those voices in our head that judge us. Specifically for our yoga class she encouraged us to hush those voices that said, "You could do this last week or yesterday, why can't you do it today?" or "You've never been able to do headstand, what makes you think you can do it now?" (Don't worry...I didn't attempt it!)
Anyway, as I left yoga I kept hearing Deralyn's words in my head (a whole new set of voices, right?! Awesome!) and I thought a lot about those voices - the judging voices. We all have them, if we're honest with ourselves. They are the ones that tell us we're not good enough or fast enough or nice enough or pretty enough or smart enough or, well, you get the picture. They are the voices that ridicule our attempts to try something new if we don't nail it the first time around. The voices that convince us that we don't deserve whatever it is that we've earned or received quite miraculously.
I think over time we can quiet these voices. I've done it with some of the voices that judge me. It took a lot of work...and they try to sneak back into my head every now and then. They start as a whisper and if I'm on top of things they never become louder than an inside voice. If I'm distracted or feeling weak in general, they can become a full-fledged shout...not helpful!
But with other voices, I worry that I'll always hear them...that I'll always be my worst critic, that I'll always expect too much of myself, that I'll never think I've done enough for the people and places and communities that I love, that I'll never live up to others' expectations of me. Usually I can find a way to shut them up. But from time to time, I just have to pause and listen and say, "Really, you are NOT being helpful." So even though I left yoga more pensive than uplifted today, maybe that's a good thing. Perhaps becoming more aware of letting go of the voices on the yoga mat will trickle over into other areas of my life...

just a good day

You know how some days are just good days. Nothing terribly remarkable but just a feel good day. Well, that was today. I guess it all started with a good night's sleep in crisp fall air and rain softly falling on the bamboo outside of my bedroom. And then waking up to cool air again for my long run. Met up with T3 teammates at the rock - a small group of us but enough of us who ran around the same pace to make a nice little pack for the 7-mile loop. Ben, Yvonne, Jim, and I were the group and while Yvonne eventually sprinted ahead of us, we held a solid pace. Ben was on a recovery run and Jim and I knew we had 11 miles to tackle so we were keeping some in the tank for that last 4-mile loop. Or at least that was the plan. I've done a lot of runs on my own this training season so I was delighted to have company again! For the last 4 miles, Jim and I got unexpected company from Logan. If you know Logan, Jim, and me then you are wondering what the heck Logan was doing running with us. Recovery run for him, too (a.k.a. a nice jog with Jim and ETG) - otherwise he would have been miles ahead of us. But it was nice to have him with us for a while. For some reason, I felt strong today and felt like the first 7 miles were solid and controlled and the last 4 miles were faster but still controlled. I tried to focus on all of the things we're supposed to focus on - form, turnover, breathing... And sometimes I did. At any rate, it's one of the best feeling runs I've had a in while...well, since our last cool day. And I think that makes all the difference for me. I run better in cool weather. Fingers crossed for Conroe in three weeks. It's been a funny training season for me - getting ready for something that's not my "A" race, balancing a new "focus" schedule, and working in some days off. I'm really not sure what I will bring to the table on November 8 but I'm excited nonetheless. New course. Potentially cooler racing weather. Road trip. Teammates. FUN!
Speaking of teammates...Jess completed the Chicago Marathon today - way to go, Jess! And with a marathon PR to boot. Not quite the time that she wanted, which I only bring up because she had the most awesome, and totally "Jess" response which was basically that it just gave her something to work for next time. In the meantime, congrats are in order to this amazing athlete, person, and friend! It was fun to track her this morning and know when her legs were finally getting some rest!
The afternoon took me to the PTC to make some signs for the Longhorn 70.3 in two weeks. I'm not necessarily the most creative but I can color in other people's block letters quite well...and even do some of my own from time to time. Above all, the laughter with Catharine, Christine, Nancy, and Logan was priceless...I hope that the athletes at Longhorn get as much of a kick out of the signs as we did when we were making them.
Quick trip to the grocery to get some forgotten items for cooking and baking, phone calls with friends and family, a bunch of school work...all finished and finally I'm finishing up the day, sitting here in my compression socks that I've been in since my run, listening to the rain again (is fall actually here?!), and getting ready to hop into warm sheets just out of the dryer.
Yes, life is good. It might not be as exciting as some people would like for my life or their life to be. But, you know what, I don't care! I've never been one to live for excitement. I'd much rather be able to find excitement and joy in the normal, everyday life things because they are at the core of life. Hmmm...in writing that I'm remembering the graduation speech I gave a few years ago at St. Andrew's that was all about the "in-betweens" in life and how those are what matter. It's not about the big moments; it's about the every day moments. Guess I still believe that. Today was filled with lots of "in between" moments so it was a great day.

chivalry is not dead...

...the cops are out in full force on I-35, donuts & kettle corn smell REALLY good on a ride on a chilly day, and I should be grateful for what I have. And those are just two random observations from my day - perhaps I should explain.
It's finally gotten cold here...excitement! And what a shift to go from riding in 90+ degree heat to riding in the mid-50s. I dug out my headband, arm warmers, gloves, and got ready to go. A very small group of us were doing the 60-mile ride. Translation - 3 of us. And two of the three being much faster riders than I am. Jim, Jennifer, and I set out and along Slaughter it was fairly easy to stick together. There are plenty of obstacles in the road and reasons to go more slowly (like cars)...and so we did. But before we even started on Slaughter, Jim pulled his chivalrous move that he would use multiple times today. He insisted on "sweeping" for the three of us. Now, you must understand that Jim is far and away MUCH faster than I am. And on any given day, faster than Jennifer, too. But in true Jim style, he was more concerned about our safety than he was about his pace today. So at multiple dicey points along our route, he insisted on going last. I tried my best not to slow him down but that was just impossible. But I think it did make me ride faster...averaged just below 17 mph which is lightning speed for me! It ended up being a great ride...and I held pretty close to Jennifer and Jim for about 3/4 of it until my legs begged me to let up a little. I pushed them more than they wanted to go but eventually they got the better of me. No matter. I was thrilled to have hung in there like I did.
And even though I wasn't traveling at a "scenic speed", I had enough time to notice a few things. Like the high number of cops on I-35. I think I counted at least 4 for the little stretch that we did. Drivers beware - the cops are tagging speeders on I-35.
And even I don't usually get excited about donuts...they smelled REALLY good as I rode past the Donut Palace this morning. Oh, and the kettle corn from the garage sale on Slaughter smelled awesome at the end of our ride. Seriously, delicious aromas from food should not be allowed near our bike rides!
Quick warming up via a shower at home and I was on my way to Performance Wellness for my massage with Katie. My piriformis (a.k.a. a "pain in the butt") has been acting up again and Katie found plenty of gunk in my calves, too. So much that I have a new string of bruises from her kneading. I knew it was hurting at the time but I didn't realize it was hurting quite that much! But I must have known that it was pretty bad because I said at one point, "In my next life, I'd like a different set of legs." Katie's response was humbling...but totally appropriate. She said, "Be careful what you wish for. You could get a pair of legs that won't let you run, walk, bike, swim, etc..." I was silenced. She was exactly right. My legs have been darn good to me given everything that I put them through. So, I should give them a break and I should be grateful for what my body can do. And really, I am...but in that moment of discomfort/pain, the thought of having slightly less dense, tight muscles sounded really good. But tight muscles sound better than muscles that aren't strong or well enough to let me enjoy some of the things that I enjoy in life so I'm adopting a new attitude toward them. Maybe if I kill them with kindness and positivity, they will loosen up a little!
P.S. On a totally different note, my high tech Gran is possibly getting a laptop...watch out world, Gran will be cruising the Internet. Next thing I know she'll have a Facebook account!

friday quotation

You can't be really strong until you see a funny side to things.
- Ken Kesey

official fan of...

...Honeycrisp apples!
Seriously, I think these might be the perfect apples. Jess said so about a week ago. Amy confirmed it this past weekend. And I finally tried one this week. WOW. I've almost polished off the apples that I bought and am contemplating a trip back to Costco to get more because they are SUCH a good deal there.
I'm not quite sure how to describe them except for to quote Jess, "Imagine your perfect apple and it's a Honeycrisp!" Sorry I can't pay you royalties for that statement, Jess. But she's right. It's a little tart. Plenty sweet. Very crisp. And almost a mini-meal in itself. YUM. 4-star rating from me...and I know a thing or two about apples seeing as I eat one pretty much EVERY day for lunch.
...BINGO! As in the game. Not the song. Not the expression (although I think/fear I use it often). But the game. Played it tonight with some other fun-loving folks and laughed my head off. Really, it's such a silly game of chance. But it's no-pressure fun. Perhaps the best part is the dauber you get to use. Yes, I actually left mine at Mercury Hall although I was VERY tempted to take it home as a souvenir since I didn't win a single round of Bingo. But I was at the winning table...4 out of 7 winners from the night were at our table. CRAZY. We loved it and found ourselves finding the person closest to winning and willing that letter-number combination to fall from the ball basket. Warning - anyone celebrating my birthday with me this year might be subjected to Bingo. Get your daubers ready!
...games in general! Not the emotional games that some people play. In fact, I hate those. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm way too straightforward for them, I'm really quite pitiful at them, and I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions too close to the surface to play games. (FYI - flirting is not a game...unless you are setting out to mess with someone and then it is a game...but I digress.) And I've actually been really lucky in my life that I've observed emotional game playing but been subjected to very little of it. But I've always loved card games, board games, word games...you name it. I like to play it. Even if I'm not very good at it. And twice recently when I've been in a funk, sad about something, games have given me big laughs. So bring on the games!
...the (possible) cold front we're getting! I hate to write it in fear of jinxing all of us. BUT, it's supposed to be in the 70s this weekend with relatively low humidity. I'm sure I won't be able to stop chattering about it when/if it happens so I'll stop chattering about it now.

harvest moon

Well, I'm not sure there was really a harvest moon in Austin tonight but it sure did look like it. Orange. Low in the sky. Not completely full but getting there. And as if it were painted there just for me, I saw it on my way home from a college fair a tad before 10:00 p.m. and it immediately calmed by nerves. To be more exact, it let me breathe again. I'm pretty sure the pace of the last three days has had me on the verge of hyperventilating. Something I didn't even realize until I started breathing normally again this evening. Now to hang on to that through this next week.
College fair was a success which is always a great thing! Good feedback from admissions reps and from SAS families and students. Excellent!
Now for two more days of "barber shop" schedules. That's what I call these days when one college rep leaves and another comes in immediately. Like a barber shop where one guy gets out of the chair and the barber looks up and says, "Next..."
And then final prep work for the PSAT and Essay Editing Day next Wednesday...and then a slight pause. Phew. And on top of it all, I'm launching some new college counseling stuff at school - trying to get technology to help me...why does it always seem like more work at first?!
In other matters, when it comes to relationships with my family I am convinced I am going to die an eternal optimist that when things are rough that they will get better. I'm stubborn when it comes to letting people go because I have this fierce loyalty to and passion for family and friends. But I do sometimes have to wonder if I'm being foolish in my optimism and hopefulness? I guess only time will tell.
Life is very full and busy right now. There is no downtime at work. There is very little downtime outside of work (partly because work sometimes spills over into my "outside of work" life...but only for another little while). It's all good. I'm not complaining. There is a certain rush from being this busy, that's for sure. I'm just not sure how I'm keeping up with it all...I hope I AM keeping up with it all! I know someone will tell me if I'm not!

who am I?

I saw this postcard this weekend and it made me laugh.
Yeah, I'm 35 years old and I feel like I'm still figuring out who I want to be. (And some days, what I want to be, too!) I'm a heck of a lot closer to that answer than I was at 25...when I was pretty sure I knew everything. How misled I was! I'm even closer than I was when I was 30. Maybe I'll have the answer by the time I'm 40?! Or maybe I'll still be figuring it all out. I guess in a way I want to still be figuring it out because I've never thought of myself as one to stay stagnant for very long.
Our yoga teacher Deralyn wears a shirt from time to time that says "Transformation in progress". I love it. It sounds so much nicer and more graceful than "work in progress" although I'm pretty sure I'm more of a work in progress than a transformation in progress on any given day. Ah...I can always dream of more grace.
I needed a little today. I got all riled up about this very question "who are we", in fact, as it applies to St. Andrew's? I feel like we know who we are as a school and yet sometimes we're afraid to really live into that because of the consequences, because of who it might leave out...or include. I was in a discussion today that was all about SAT scores and data to compare us to other schools and accomplishments and careers of our graduates as a way to promote us in the community, and I'm afraid I didn't respond all that gracefully to the notion that there are only acceptable careers to list or that our SAT scores answer the question of "who are we?". I can apologize for raising my voice. But I can't apologize for believing that we're a school that welcomes back a student who had to leave because his mother was diagnosed with cancer and the family wasn't sure it would be able to juggle treatments, homework, the commute, etc... That we're a school where an advisor stops to make a student a PB&J sandwich in some hope that it will make the moment feel a little better...and provide a place of comfort in a rough day. That we're a school that really does care about the whole child.
We're a big heart with high expectations because we believe kids/teenagers are capable of great things. We're a place that believes in students and tries to help them believe in themselves. We're a place that serves as a reality check in hopes of preparing them for the world after St. Andrew's where we want them to lead meaningful lives for themselves and those around them. We're a place where adults try to model what we ask for from students and where students push us to be our best...and vice-versa. We're a place that looks out for one another and that provides a safe enough community to dream big dreams even if you don't reach them. We're a place where compassion and accountability co-exist.
And I'm not sure how to quantify those things on a piece of paper for prospective families. But THAT is who we are.
Now who am I? I might not be as clear about that...transformation/work in progress, I think.

buzzing

I know. Monday is when I usually write about yoga. And calm. And peace. And, yes, the first hour of my day in the YogaVida studio was like that. In fact, Amy and I mused that we wished we could have stayed with our feet in the air up against the wall all day... It's so amazing when you're in that final resting pose - for a few minutes I forget that there's a big world out there, that there are problems, that there is sadness, that there is stress...and I just sit there and am still. It's like a little oasis.
But the moment I walk out the door, I'm hit with the realities of the world. Granted, the realities of my world leave little room for complaint most days. All the same, I'm trying to figure out how to keep that peacefulness of the yoga studio with me a little longer. Because, for example, as soon as I stepped foot on campus, my adrenalin starting running.
I had a full day of college reps...7 (which is as many periods as we have in the day)...plus a lunch meeting that I knew was going to be a tough one. And it was. Raised voices. Tears. Frustration. Mostly remedied by a PB&J during chapel and a "to do" list. Ending result was a student leaving my office saying, "Thank you. I feel a lot better. I think I can do this." I smiled and said, "I know you can. And we're here to help you. But you have to let us help you." Adolescence is tough. It's this wonderful bridge between childhood and adulthood and the students I work with are so desperate to be adults but so longing to still have certain things done for them like children. They want to be in charge. They want to take control. And yet when they do, disaster sometimes unfolds because they didn't really know what they were stepping into. Ah...growing up. It's not easy. It's necessary and painful and, in the end, rewarding. But the reality checks I have to provide along the way are not always welcomed. As two people said to me today, "Someday they will thank you for being honest with them." I sure hope so. (Even if it's twenty+ years from now!)
Leaving campus I felt as if I had pure energy pulsing through me. I think an hour of acupuncture took that energy level down a notch...probably a good thing. But I still had a solid hill workout (a new one! thanks, Coach Logan!) after. I actually felt much better and calmer as soon as I started running - which is weird considering we did hill repeats that shot my heart rate through the roof. I think I just needed that adrenalin from the day to be harnessed by some physical activity rather than mental and emotional activity!

hidden kitchens

Some kitchens might be hidden...what happened in mine today is about to be uncovered.
Morning - cookie bars to send to Gran
Mid-day - choosing recipes for the week and after a trip to Costco (with Amy...fun!) and Central Market...
Evening - roasted veggies, Chicken Provencal (minus the olives because I don't like them...oh, the joy of cooking for yourself!), raisin bran muffins
YUM! and FUN! What a nice way to spend the day...in between an 8 mile run and some work to get ready for the two crazy weeks that are ahead of me.
In the midst of my cooking spree today...nice to be back on this schedule of Sunday cooking, by the way...I started to listen to some CDs that Aunt Mary had given to me while I was in CA this summer. I know, it took a while. Well, it was completely appropriate for today because it was "Hidden Kitchens" - Stories from NPR's The Kitchen Sisters. "Hidden Kitchens" explores the "below the radar cooking" and looks at how food brings communities together. I guess my cooking is no longer "below the radar" since I seem to blog about it a lot. And I sure do need to use it to bring some friends together sometime soon. But for today, I enjoyed hearing about the Chili Queens of San Antonio, NASCAR kitchens, and the birth of Rice-A-Roni...which, by the way is known as the "San Francisco Treat" but it's really from the combination of a Canadian, an American, and an Armenian!
P.S. The wine really was for the chicken recipe...I'd already had my adult beverage for the day...we needed something to fight off the humidity after Costco!

same and different

I'm stealing my theme for today from our Alumni Director, Jim Heck, who welcomed members of the Class of 2004 back to St. Andrew's by describing things that are the "same" and things that are "different" at St. Andrew's since they left.
It started me down a pathway of thinking about things in my life that are the same...and different...from two or three years ago. And it turned out to be a funny day for that just in terms of what I did today.
I set no alarm since I wasn't working out today and had no fear of not waking up in time for a 10 a.m. brunch! (This body has never really been able to sleep in...always the first one up at slumber parties as a little kid...annoying! I only sleep in when I'm overly tired or sick.) Anyway, it was very different to not be waking up to go exercise in some way, shape, or form on a Saturday morning. And it felt really nice. I woke up way too early (around 6 a.m.), rolled back over and slept a little more, woke up again and read for a while, then went back to sleep for a little while...then got up for good.
At school seeing the Class of 2004 was wonderful...I felt the same joy being with them as I did when they were students. They made me laugh like they always did. And they made me proud...like they always did. They are working...or looking for work. They are in school...or teaching. They have hiked the Appalachian Trail (so jealous!) and been cast as extras on Friday Night Lights. They have grown up...and they are still kids at heart. And catching up with them did my heart good.
They all trotted off to the Austin City Limits Music Festival in the rain - weird...it's usually blistering hot for ACL, but not this year. What a mess it must be down there in Zilker Park! I headed over to my office to get some work done...and ended up staying there until almost 6 p.m. this evening. This is very different from my work routine as of late, but very much the same as it was two years ago. When I was doing two full-time jobs at school, I used to work crazy hours - unhealthy hours. I got by on 4-5 hours of sleep a night and worked a good 7-8 hours on Saturday and Sunday. How I did that I'm not really sure. I guess where there's a will, there's a way...or divine intervention! At any rate, I pretty much closed off my emotions that year and moved into survival mode. Really not a pleasant or happy thing. So it was nice today to go back to that place of working on a Saturday...most of the day...and recognize that it did not make me happy! To be in touch with my emotions enough to know that I don't want to go back to that mode. I don't mind doing it (working a long day on the weekends) when I have a ton of stuff on my plate or big projects to plan, but it was confirmation that I don't want to live that way anymore. And that felt good.
Same Elizabeth, different outlook. Or maybe different Elizabeth, different outlook. Who knows?

friday quotation

I've been thinking a lot about why I keep blogging and I realize that the question is more about why I keep writing (because that's a HUGE part of why I blog). So I turned to Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird - Some Instructions on Writing and Life and sure enough, she gave me some food for thought on this matter...

"We write to expose the unexposed. If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must. Otherwise, you'll just be rearranging furniture in rooms you've already been in. Most human beings are dedicated to keeping that one door shut. But the writer's job is to see what's behind it, to see the bleak unspeakable stuff, and to turn the unspeakable into words - not just into any words but if we can, into rhythm and blues...
But you can't get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don't have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not to go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in - then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home."

Off in continued search of the door I'm not supposed to go in to...who knows what I'll find. (Actually, I think I've already opened the door, peeked in, and stepped in a little bit. I think I'm supposed to go back in completely...yikes!) Anyway, I'm sure my blog will let you know what I find.

light show

oops...not that type of light show!
Tonight on my way home from spin I have to admit I was a bit distracted by the fabulous lightning show that was going on to the west of me. Over the hills of Austin the sky was all lit up...quite naturally. It was really something. I wish that I'd been in a place to pull over to the side of the road and watch it. Better yet, I wish I'd been out in the country or on the seashore on a front porch or camping watching it roll in. That's one of my favorite things in life. I love the danger and power and beauty of a good storm. But for tonight, I'll be happy if we do get a nice rainstorm (not the hail they are predicting though!) and I can go to sleep hearing the rain outside. I can't hear it on the roof of my condo but in my mind, I'll imagine rain on a tin roof (another favorite thing!) and it will sing me to sleep. We're supposed to get some good rain storms tonight and throughout the weekend. I can't wait! And my days off couldn't come at a better time training-wise. Speaking of days off...can't wait for those either! One more workout - a swim at BS which I love - and I'm done until Sunday. My body is going to thank me. I'm glad to oblige.