what now? what next?

As I sat at graduation today and listened to the words of the faculty speaker John Works, I was struck by a couple of things - the amazing power of the present AND our urge to look forward. I think as humans we're a funny blend because we can only really live in the present and yet we're always looking ahead and wondering what's around the next bend.
At different points in my life, I can definitely say that I've lived more in one place than another. When things are going well and I'm in a happy place, living in the present is easy. In fact, I can even move into a place of denial that the good is ever going to end! When I'm dreading what's ahead, living in the present is easy. Better to stay where I am than to move into what's ahead.
It's tougher for me to live in the present when I either want to be someplace else or when I want whatever is the present situation to end. I have to fight to detach from that present and only focus on the future. Because whatever the present is...I am there...and I have to figured out how to deal with it. And sometimes I hate that and want a remote control to be able to hit "fast forward" on my life to a better time. But life doesn't work that way.
And life doesn't really stop for us either.
I thought about this a lot as I watched our seniors graduate on Sunday. I remember trying to stay very focused on the present of my own graduation, wanting to soak it all in, wanting those moments with friends and teachers not to end...and knowing that it would. Questions about the future surrounded my thoughts even as I tried to push them away.
And it's funny because at the time, I foolishly thought that my senior year in high school was the only time I'd ever feel that way. Nope. Those feelings of trying to stay in the present and being bombarded by questions about the future come up all of the time in life. Either at times of natural transition. Another graduation. A job change. A move. And at times that aren't necessarily transitional times.
In relationships when you're just enjoying whatever it is and suddenly someone else...or life itself...asks "what next?" And you think, "who cares, I'm enjoying the now!" Or when your life is just clipping along and something makes you wonder "is this all there is or should I be looking for something else?" Or, my latest discovery, when your training starts to come to an end!
We're in the taper phase of our training right now and we've worked really hard to get here. The jury is still out as to whether or not I'll be able to embrace the taper as much as I want to...I'm meeting with Chrissie to get some good advice about that since I think we all know it's not in my nature to cut back. But it is in my nature to follow a plan and our plan for this week is dramatically reduced from what it has been so maybe I will be able to do it! Plus, I'll have my teammates around me doing the same thing and modeling the taper for me and encouraging me to be good about tapering. And I also know that I've worked too darn hard for six months to screw it all up by not tapering!
So there I was yesterday perfectly ready to embrace the present...the taper...the summer...and more than one person asked the question, "What are you going to do after Ironman?" It's an understandable question. And I have lots of answers. Some more sarcastic than others! But the real feeling I got was, "I don't know...and I sort of don't want to decide. Can I just live in the present? Focus on this wonderful, well-earned taper and then start to think about what's next on June 22 or 23?"
I guess the risk in focusing too much on June 21 and the preparation to get there is that on June 22 I will wake up feeling empty without a tangible goal on the horizon. But, for once in my life, I don't want to fast forward past June 21. I want to soak up every last minute of what has been a wonderful ride to get there. I want to keep enjoying the training (now taper!), my teammates, and the amazing thing that will happen to all of us on June 21 as a culmination of everything incredible that's happened these last six months.
So, "what now?" - well, taper, rest, preparation, probably some emotional unrest, summer hours at school...a different change of pace overall that I'll need to adjust to. And "what's next?" - well, that part of the book is yet unwritten...stay tuned.

all in a day

Before I go any further, I need to remind you that my Gran is 91 (almost 92) years old. That she can even remember that I'm doing a triathlon in a month is amazing to me. That she has inquired about it regularly and tried to learn just what an Ironman is has been really cool. That she feels the need to tell her friends that I'm doing an Ironman is really sweet. However, this evening in a conversation with her I realized that she's more impressive than I am because it became crystal clear that I had not explained this endeavor very well!
I was catching up with her and telling her about my weekend and what I'd done today and all about my ride and how it suddenly felt like it had all clicked (more on this later!). And she could hear the excitement in my voice and she said, "I'm just sorry I can't be there on June 21 to see you." I jumped in and said, "Gran, you'll be with me in spirit...but it's going to be a really long day so it will be better for me to just tell you about it." There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone and when I heard her voice again she said, "You're doing all of this in one day." I laughed out loud because she said it so innocently with a tone of disbelief. "Yes, Gran...that's what makes it so tough. You swim and then you hop on your bike and then you hop off your bike and you do the run. And there's really not much time in between." Her response was priceless: "I thought you did one thing each day. This really is crazy, Elizabeth. Now I see why you have to train like you've been training. I feel like an idiot. Well, I still wish I could be there." Got to love her...and I do.
And I also realized today that I might love...please sit down so you don't faint before you keep reading...cycling. I had a great ride today. And it was great even before I realized that it was a wonderful affirmation of the pay-off of training. You know that feeling when something just comes together and everything "clicks"? That was my ride. And I think I'm still in awe.
Much of the team was doing the Real Ale ride in Blanco but I felt like I needed to be in Austin since tomorrow is graduation and I knew I'd have stuff to do to get ready for it. So, a small group of us gathered at Kiker and headed out to do the Dam Loop + some south MoPac loops to equal 75 miles. Around 7:00 a.m., Shawnda, Alisa, Laura, Jess, Booher, and I headed out (Katy, Erin, Jerry, and Natalie headed out in a different direction and had an awesome ride, too!). Escarpment, Southwest Parkway, 71...just getting warmed up. And then we turned toward Mansfield Dam and once we got out on 620 my legs were ready to go. The hills that I intimidated me back in January (when I last did this ride) were manageable. The hills on 360 that usually do me in were totally doable. Southwest Parkway from MoPac to William Cannon didn't make me wish I'd never taken up cycling. And even doing Escarpment twice when we got back to check on Shawnda who'd had a flat (but was in remarkable spirits...seriously, way to go, Shawnda!) didn't make me want to skip our south MoPac loops. (Okay, maybe the thought crossed my mind once...)
And I really can't explain it. The weather was nice but it was hot and a tad humid. Our hours have been down some for training this week and I'm sure that helped but this was a little more than just being rested. It was like I suddenly felt strong AND confident. I think I've felt strong for some weeks now - but mostly at the end of rides and not during the ride itself. Today, I felt strong during the ride.
Don't get me wrong, strong does not equal super fast. (Although I was significantly faster on this ride than I was back in January...yeah!!) But strong is good. And being strong mentally AND physically is even better. I can't explain it but I am SUPER grateful for whatever has happened to make it all "click" right now. I really think I owe it to the training that we've been doing. I haven't ever questioned it. I've totally trusted it. But I haven't always trusted myself. I knew I would stick with it because I'm just stubborn like that. But I just didn't know how my body would take (or not take!) to it. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I'm ready for taper (one more 12 mile run tomorrow and then it's all about TAPER!). But I'm feeling ready going into it. And I'm actually excited to see what my body will be able to do after some good resting of the old muscles. (Oh, I realized today that I'm really excited to run the marathon at the end of the Ironman, too?!)
So...all in a day, on June 21, I'll do an Ironman. And all in day, I'm suddenly feeling like I can. (And speaking of "all in a day"...for just now, I'm totally living in the moment with this feeling...realistic that the doubts can and might creep back in. But for tonight they are far away...)

friday quotation

"You only ever grow as a human being if you're outside your comfort zone." -Peter Cerutty

Check!

fortune or command?

What happened to fortunes like "you will live a long and happy life" and "you will have good luck and overcome many hardships" and "romance comes into your life in a very unexpected way this year"?
I used to be excited to open fortune cookies, wondering what funny little prediction of the future was inside that I could foolishly hold onto as some morsel of truth about my life...no matter that thousands of people would receive the same fortune that year!
The fortune I got today reminded me that fortunes are no longer fortunes but rather orders about how to live your life. They are nice thoughts and certainly good ideas about life and the world and love and work and peace and happiness and all of that stuff. But they've moved from being fun little predictions of your future to directions about how to live your life. The one I got today was no different: "Act always in a way to do good."
Now, I'll be the first to say that this is a great way to approach life...it's not that I mind the message. It's just that it's not a fortune!! But what do I know? Maybe these little sayings are making the world a better place one fortune cookie at a time.

sometimes it's like floating...

...but usually not when it comes to running for me. Tonight was different. I think the drop in temperature + the day off on Monday + who knows what else made for a good combo to push me through our 800 repeats at a good speed. And I felt good the whole time. Don't get me wrong, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest at the end and there was nothing easy about my breathing, but it felt good and I felt strong. And I was consistently faster than the last time we did 800s (sometime last month) which was a pleasant surprise to me.
Most surprising of all were the moments when I felt like I was literally gliding around the track. Now, I'm sure it didn't look like I was gliding and I probably sounded more like an elephant than any graceful animal running, but something felt different. And it was fun. I imagined that I might look like one of the fast guys or girls just blowing around the track. I'm sure that the reality was a little different but it made me feel good to think of that image! Nice confidence boost before we head into taper next week...
(P.S. Running with Katy Dooley is always a hoot - thanks for the laughs and for pushing me, Katy!)

just two years ago...

I was reminded by a colleague today that just two years ago we stood in the hallway at school talking about triathlons. She was about to do her first - the Cap Tex sprint - and I was about to do my first Olympic triathlon at Cap Tex that year. It got rained out so neither of us raced. As a result, I signed up for the Austin Tri that September in hopes of getting racing the Olympic distance before the Longhorn 1/2 Ironman that October - my first 1/2 Ironman.
Anyway, my colleague (and friend) said, "Can you believe that was just two years ago and now you're doing an Ironman?" She was so supportive and enthusiastic that it made me stop and think that I really had come a long way. In my heart, I know this and I don't need someone else to point it out to me. But sometimes in this sport that consists of months and months of training you hit times when you feel slower than you did the week before (for a couple of weeks in a row!), and it becomes easy to wonder if you've made any progress at all. The reality is that for most of us if we turn the dial back a few years, it's VERY easy to say, "Yes! I have made progress" in at least one area, if not all three. And even if we look back to the beginning of our training there's at least one thing that we can do now that we couldn't do then whether it's drinking from our aerobottles without being a hazard to other cyclists, running a mile under 10:00, completing a full swim workout without having to skip any sets, or doing a "real" push-up, and on and on and on...
Like in the rest of life, it's sometimes tempting to focus on what we still can't do or where we still want to improve. I know I need to have those things on my radar - they are part of what keeps me going and what will keep this training thing as a lifestyle choice rather than one season of my life. And my personality lends itself to focusing on these ares of improvement, forever my own harshest critic and always looking to be better at whatever I'm doing. Not out of competition but because of inexplicable determination to live to the fullest and be whatever I can be in any situation or area of my life.
But I also need to stop every once in a while and roll the film back on my life and take a good look at what I've accomplished. In triathlons, I can look to my first Danskin in 2004, Longhorn 2007, or even January 2009 when IM CDA training started! I've changed. I've grown stronger and more confident (I used to fear every long ride and every single run workout). I've become a better athlete...and I think a better person. So when the road to "but I still want to..." or "if I were just faster at..." presents itself, I need to remember to look at the road that I've already traveled and feel good about it. It's certainly easy to do that for the people around me...and thankfully I have colleagues and friends who remind me to do it for myself every once in a while, too!

channeling my inner cheerleader

So I was never a cheerleader. I'd much rather be behind the scenes rather than out in front of the crowd. But when it comes to cheering for people in triathlons or other races, I might be able to fool you. I'm willing to shout at the top of my lungs, sing show tunes to people, jump up and down, draw lots of attention to myself as I encourage others...my willingness to be loud, foolish, and silly knows no bounds when it comes to cheering for others.
Today was a great day to be part of a team. And particularly to be part of T3. We were all over the Cap Tex race course - racing, coaching, cheering, volunteering. I spent my morning in a kayak, which was a little (okay, a lot!) different than expected. Funny that I was all ready to be in "out there in front" cheerleader mode at the swim exit with the rest of my teammates and I ended up in total "behind the scenes" mode in the middle of Town Lake (er...Lady Bird Lake) on my own. Sort of ironic (incorrect use of that word, I know...but you know what I mean), isn't it? Anyway, I have discovered arm muscles that even Chrissie's core class have not touched yet and I have some great stories from being in the kayak. It was a bummer not to be able to pull teammates out of the water (or even to be able to spot them in the water) but I have to figure that I was out there for some other reason. Maybe it was to re-direct the sweet woman who was backstroking in circles before I suggested she flip over and breaststroke. Or maybe it was to splash water in the face of the man who was on his back resting for so long that the medical canoe and I both got worried. I'll take a land job next time but am glad to have done this once. And I somehow maneuvered my way out of the kayak for part of the Olympic distance race so that I could see some teammates finish...I didn't really get to serenade Amy since she was in the finishing chute when I saw her but I'll keep practicing my show tunes for her next race. I did get to see a lot of T3ers finish though and that was VERY fun. Everyone looked SUPER strong and happy - go team!
After a while the sun got to all of us and we hid out under the T3 tent...with beverages. It was a great way to kill a few hours - and then it was breakdown time for the tent. We loaded up the chairs, etc... in the T3 trailer and then Chrissie, Amy, and I made our way to Hyde Park Bar & Grill for lunch. YUM. Fries, turkey burger...you would have thought I had raced that morning. Nope. But my kayaking and the sun wore me out!
The folks at J&A's were breaking down their water stop when Amy dropped me off to get my car. Some were headed across the street to continue their fun...not this girl. I was tired and feeling the need to get laundry done, pack for the next day, cook, etc... But I did meet up with some gals later in the night for dinner and to toast the race! (And Liz's engagement!)
Another good day in the books...congrats to all my friends who raced (and PR'd!)...you inspire me. And to all of my friends who I cheered with...what a terrific team we have! Here's to another week - last one for school and nearing the last week of non-taper mode for IM training (where has that time gone?!)
P.S. The longer you leave your volunteer shirt on, the more race site places you can get into...but the more questions you can get asked, too. Learned this from experience today!

recovery

...ahhh...that is the sound of today. Seems like everything I did today was "just what the doctor ordered" in terms of taking it easy enough to feel like I was recovering from yesterday's brick. Ride through the neighborhoods down by Circle C/Escarpment/Kiker with some folks from T3. Sweet Jess hung back with me. I never mind riding alone...did lots of miles on my long rides alone before Amy lost her mind and started doing extra miles with me. But I do enjoy the company when I have it! I think we all enjoyed a more leisurely pace (well, it's not far from my normal pace); it was nice to not be hammering away at the miles. And it was a gorgeous morning!
Then we had a nice long brunch at Galaxy Cafe - yummy! Such a treat to be finished with training only 2.5 hours after it began and to be able to hang out over eggs and coffee (or burgers and beers for some!) before parting ways for our days. (Oh, confession...on our way out of brunch Michelle spied Baskin Robbins...Dionn, Michelle, and I had to make sure 31 Flavors is still churning out good ice cream. Check. It's as yummy as ever!)
My plan after that was to go to the grocery, go home and clean, and then nap. The grocery store did happen but when I got home I could barely keep my eyes open so I decided to nap first and clean later. Within 5 minutes I was out. Serious sleep happening here people. Woke up an hour later feeling awesome and ready to tackle the cobwebs. Got about 90% of it done and feel better about it! Will finish up a little on Monday...
Headed over to Jack & Adam's in the evening for BBQ, beer, and hanging out with friends...what a good group of people. Some who I knew, some who I didn't know or just met tonight but all in all a really fun, nice group. Feel glad to have expanded the group of folks I know here in Austin to include these new friends.
Tomorrow will come pretty quickly...cheering at CapTex Triathlon...yeah! I'm so excited to be cheering rather than racing it's sort of ridiculous. It should be a blast...sending good vibes to those who are racing. Spectator's report tomorrow - stay tuned...

tired...and happy

This seems to be my answer a lot these days, "I'm tired...but I'm really happy." Partly because what is making me tired is making me happy! Have I mentioned that I love training? Have I mentioned that I always thought of myself as a happy person but that what I'm doing right now has raised that to an even higher level...one that I didn't know was possible? It's very cool.
Today was another tough day of training that pretty much has me feeling like I did a race or something?! Our PracticeMan consisted of a 40 mile ride + a 13 mile run...then we'll do another 40 mile ride tomorrow.
We started with 40 miles in south MoPac. By some bizarre energy in the world, I averaged over 17 mph - what?! I don't ride like that, folks. I'm still wondering what little speedy ghost cyclist took over my bike...whoever she is, she can come back again on June 21. The five loops went pretty quickly since Amy & I were making such good time. We were still a loop or so behind most folks but we were feeling pretty darn good about things.
And then we hit the run...out & back on Escarpment (times two for me). Chrissie caught me in the parking lot and told me to try to do the first three at a steady even pace and then try to pick it up on the last one. Okay.
It was a lot hotter and more humid than I had realized but for some reason I felt strong...cool. Poor Blythe was not having a good day and Amy's tummy wasn't helping her have a good run either. The three of us stuck together in some form or fashion after Amy & I caught up with Blythe partway down Escarpment. Steady 30 minutes out and 31 minutes back (it's more hilly on the way back!)...nice.
I ended up doing the second out & back by myself so I made sure to pace myself well and tried to keep up with how I'd run the first out & back. 30 minutes out. Now to do it in under that on the way back. By this time it was hot, I was downing water and Thermolytes and Gu as regularly as I needed to. Shout out to Landon and Nancy for being on Escarpment @ Davis to give us ice and water - I don't know what we would have done without them! (And Alisa was on Beckett but I didn't go that way...bummer!) And a shout out to all of my teammates out there who kept me going with a thumbs up or a smile or a kind word.
As I rounded the corner on Lacrosse I peeked at my watch...hmmm...I was cutting it close if I wanted to finish in less time than the first out & back. Got to the parking lot and stopped my watch to reveal a negative split of 10 seconds. I asked Chrissie if that counted...she sort of laughed and said, "Yes." I laughed at loud. It's like my time at Lonestar...can I go under 6 hours? Yes but only by a few non-seconds. Too funny.
Anyway, I felt GREAT about my run (and ride) today. I really pounded it on the run. Had a faster pace than I know I'll have at CDA. But it felt good to really push it...and see some good results. Feel lucky about that.
Post-brick activities included a massage from the Performance Wellness girls, lounging on my yoga mat under the T3 tent (and almost falling asleep), eating & drinking, hanging out with teammates...it really was wonderful. I was cut out for this lifestyle.
Met up with a former student after I got cleaned up...then met up with friends at House Wine...and finally took myself home to put my feet up and get some dinner. Not very much time for more than a 30 minute nap...will probably pay for that tomorrow. But going to bed with a big old grin on my face. Happy and grateful to be alive and to be living this wonderful life that is mine.

friday quotation

"There are no short cuts to any place worth going." (Beverly Sills)

Something to keep me/us going in these last weeks headed toward June 21...and in the days and years beyond June 21. Something to remember in life!

and now for something completely different...

...and non-triathlon related. Because even a month from the race I can...and do...think about other things! And because my posts have been verging on "deep" lately and I wouldn't want everyone to think I'm that serious all of the time. (Not that there's anything wrong with being deep, but I'm just not all the time!)

...nothing like teenagers to lighten the mood! So for today, a picture of spring on a high school campus...and what I learn from my students about life through watching them live theirs.

- students playing frisbee on the lawn during the break between AP exams...because even in the midst of stress we have to find time to play
- students asking to play a song during study hall (ummm...generally a "no no")...and a teacher not being able to say no because the song was from "Les Miserables" (the show our students are doing next fall)...yes, showtunes make us all smile

- a high schooler dropping his notebook on the ground and all of the papers spilling out...and four of us rushing around like fools chasing papers down in the wind (three students stopped without even having to be asked to help!)
- SAT scores that move a student to tears...that are quickly dried with a hug, a little perspective, a pep talk, and the humbling realization that this student trusts me, believes me, and finds comfort in what I'm saying

- and from another school...a senior prank that involved students letting ducks run free on campus...I would have holed up in my office for fear of being pecked to death!

And some things that I've done that have made me laugh...
- happiness in discovering that you did actually pack the right shoes for the day...and the funny thought that my only other option was a pair of Crocs! (What a picture!)
- when I am on the verge of getting sick, I attack those germs with a vengeance...and it looks like 12+ packets of Emergen-C in one day (if this has some terrible lasting effect, please don't tell me...it's too late...and I know there's probably not much use after packet 3 or 4 but it makes me feel better - at least mentally!)
- and finally, I made my film debut on Wednesday night at the SAS Film Fest...and I missed it! (Didn't even remember one of my students shooting the film last fall?!)

I'm not a countdown type of girl

I discovered this the other day when someone asked, "How many more days until school is out? How many more days until CDA?" My answers, "Well, we have graduation on a Sunday and a faculty retreat the next Tuesday - in about a week or so...and CDA is on June 21." How's that for NOT answering the questions?!
The truth is that I'm usually scared to countdown to something because as soon as you get to "zero days left" it means that whatever you've been looking forward to has already started to end.
In all honesty, I'm okay with the school year ending. I love my work. I love my colleagues. I love my students. I love the families here. And I'm really lucky to have the job I do...seriously, I give thanks each day. BUT, I'm ready for summer and a change of pace and a time to regroup. I didn't really do that last summer because I was SO in need of a break that I skipped town for a few weeks and therefore didn't get a few big school projects done. It will feel good to tackle them this summer and "get my house in order" before the 2009-2010 school year starts.
But as far as other things in my life that I could be counting down whether it's counting down the days to CDA or counting down the number of days we have left of training, I'm not really eager to do that. I've said it before and even this far into training I'll continue to stand by my words...I love training! I love routine. I love having something to look forward to each day (even if it's just seeing my friends or coaches and not the workout itself!). I love feeling healthy and fit and energized - even when the workouts deplete me. And I love the outlook that this sort of training has given me. I think I'm a better person for having taken on this challenge.
Yes, I will be glad to have more flexibility in my schedule...to get to choose which workouts I want to do and how many...to opt for couch time or a nap or sleeping in every once in a while instead of a workout. But that doesn't mean that I'm really ready for this to end.
And my lack of knowing exactly how many days until the race isn't about anxiety about race day either - although I did question that. I'm not really nervous about the day...oh, there are a MILLION things to be anxious about but I can't even go there yet. Maybe I won't because so many of them are out of my control? I'm not trying to avoid thinking about June 21, it's just that I don't really know what to expect so I'm ready to be surprised and soak it all up and smile and be glad to be doing such a neat thing...with so many people who've come to mean a whole lot to me.
So when people ask me, "How many days until CDA?" I think I will continue to say, "It's on June 21...which is not today or tomorrow or the next day..." and leave it at that (until June 19 or so when I'll have to start rephrasing that!) and enjoy each of those days between now and then. And, of course, I'll enjoy June 21, too.

I don't know what it all means...

...but I'm accepting it all with open arms and going with it!
So the past two weeks have been sort of crazy...busy...a tad stressful...intense...but also just really wonderful. Or maybe that's my take on things since I have a new "free of being a juror" outlook on life! Let me tell you, go into a week thinking that at least three days are going to be spent in the courthouse and then discover that it's only one day and you suddenly have a great sense of freedom and appreciation for whatever you do outside of that duty.
Work has been WILD with more AP exams than ever as well as other demands on my time. Training has been intense since we're in our final "peak" in this 6 month process (has it really been six months?!). Summer is around the corner but everything seems to be a "sprint" to the end rather than an casual easing into it. And yet, all I felt on Tuesday was energy and happiness...no, joy - deeper than happiness. Sort of like that feeling you get when you're camping and you open the tent flap to a beautiful day and you think, "Ahhhhhh, yes...this is good." And there's no real reason for it. Sure, the sun is out and the air feels cool on your face and that's adding to the goodness but you get the sense that there's something more than that to it. Like the world is just out there waiting for you to step into it and LIVE.
My day started like that with a great swim practice (and patient Coach Suzanne who put up with our pre-dawn antics and negotiations!) and only proceeded to get better. It was good to be back at work - maybe I needed jury duty to remind me even now at the end of the year to be thankful for my work! The day went by quickly and then I was off to spin. I thought my legs were going to be lead pipes that wouldn't bend or move swiftly around the pedals but I was wrong...and even through a tough workout of three long sets and only 6 minutes of rest coached by Chrissie, I was able to keep up. (Perspective...up until two weeks ago I was NEVER able to hit the correct cadences on the assigned gears...maybe I'm just grabbing the right trainer now or maybe, just maybe, my legs are catching on to this whole spinning action?! Maybe that explains two outdoor rides at 16 rather than 15 mph recently...just thought of that!) After class I threw on my running shoes and headed out the door and knocked out almost 2 miles at a 9:17 pace. Nice. The cool weather helps. And the energy of the PTC shoving me out the door and then bringing me back again helps, too.
Finally caught up with my mom on the phone...exchanged/answered/sent some emails...packed the bags for Wednesday...and am heading to bed. With a smile.
Really...life feels really sweet right now. It's not that monumental things are happening or that I won the lottery or that I had some lifelong dream come through or that everything that is slightly amiss has fallen into place or that my house is in impeccable order and my "to do" list has vanished. But there is a certain peace that things are just as they are supposed to be right now. I feel like I'm striking some healthy balance between work and play (play = training + time with friends...the latter will get a tad more attention post June 21!). My training has taken some unexpected uplifting turns after a couple of lackluster weeks. My friendships and relationships feel better than they have in a long time. And I just feel alive. And I'm really grateful for that. It certainly don't deserve this joy any more than the next guy or gal. And I don't think I've done anything to make it happen in my life except for maybe be open to it. And maybe that's the most important first step...open that tent flap to the new day and say, "I'm yours...where shall we go? What shall we do? How shall we do it? Who else should be part of it?"

Austin's favorite juror

Quick background on this self-appointed title:
- I've lived in Austin 13 years
- I've been called for jury duty 5 times
- I've served on a jury 2 times
- right after I served the first time I was called to serve again within 6 months (which, by the way, if you have served you can get out 0f serving again for two years)
Even the judge today agreed that my definition of "random" might be a little different than the court's definition of "random" when it comes to jury selection. Uh. Yeah.
Anyway, I don't mind serving. I know it's what makes our judicial system "work" and I know that it's a privilege. But sometimes the timing is just not convenient! But even after I blocked off a bunch of times, I was asked to show up at the courthouse today and here's the chain of events...which will confirm what Amy said, "Well, you are sort of the perfect juror."
I arrived at the courthouse and was given a form to fill out and a number. Number 13. Awesome. Lucky #13? Unlucky #13? In a pool of 26 where they needed 6 jurors I wasn't feeling too good about #13 - way to easy to weed out 7 other jurors. Oh, well, nothing to be done. Filled out my form and sat down to wait to be called in.
At this point, when they lined us up we got different numbers...yippee...I was suddenly #20. Things are looking up, folks. Into the courtroom we go for the voir dire (lots of questions to help choose the jury). It's a funny deal because you have to tell the truth and yet a part of you is thinking, "Wonder if I'd be tossed out if I said this or that..." With so many people in front of me and so many of us answering the questions in the same way, I actually thought I was in the clear. Third row back...heck, they lawyers could barely see me!
When we filed back in they explained that they'd chosen a jury and that everyone else would be able to leave. The first four jurors were from the first row - nice. Two men and two women. Then another woman from the second row. At this point, I honestly thought, "Phew, surely they will choose one more man to balance things out." And then I heard it, "And our last member of the jury, #20 - Elizabeth Guice."
Now, sometimes when you hear stuff like that, you've won the lottery or you've crossed the finish line in a race or something. Not today. I didn't feel like I'd won anything. But I did actually laugh inside because I thought, "They must really want me b/c they passed up 15 other people to choose me!" (I would have been okay had I NOT been chosen!) Seriously, what are the odds? I don't know but all of this has given a new meaning to "your number is up"!
Good news...I'm off the hook for another two years...and you better believe I plan on using my "get out of jail free" card between now and then if I'm called. Everyone should know this joy of being a juror! But I figure I now have one more thing to add to my list of hobbies...right after triathlons, I can list "being a juror"!

yay today!

What a great day! Sort of like yesterday, it was full of nice surprises. A 17 mile run with Laura, Jim, Blythe, Amy, and Liz that turned out to be stronger for me than I had anticipated. My voice is still croaky, my chest was a little heavy with some crud, but still I was able to muscle through it. The 10 mile loop was tough but we kept a solid 9:30 pace. On the 7 mile loop I came to the realization that my legs were fine even if my breathing wasn't. So...no choice but to run strong and try to push it a little. Dropped my pace to 9:25 and finished...not a moment too soon! Felt good to do this run feeling only about 70% health-wise. I can only imagine how I might have felt if I'd been 100%...and I kept thinking about our taper. Just what will I be able to do after a taper?! (Provided I'm successful at the taper...I will be, I will be.) I also ran most of the 7 mile loop by myself which was a confidence boost. I was afraid that I'd become dependent on Blythe to set our pace so it felt good to do it on my own and realize that I could hold a steady pace...and not walk.
The trail was hopping with people...lots of St. Andrew's folks, lots of T3 athletes, and even an ex-boyfriend (very strange since he never runs the trail...not sure he recognized me...probably b/c I was going to by so fast?! HA!).
Finished up the morning with our typical Whole Foods breakfast trip...yum. Ice bath. And then nap time. Long overdue...needed one yesterday. Felt really good even if it was just for about 45 minutes.
Then it was off to meet Rebecca for coffee...yeah! Such a nice surprise to be able to do this today since I finished up the AP packing yesterday. We spent a leisurely afternoon at Lift - smoothies, coffee, conversation...each a treat. It's always great to catch up with Rebecca and it had been waaaaay too long.
Quick trip to school for the finishing touches on AP stuff...grocery...failed attempt to pick up items at REI...and then home. Laundry. Dinner. Prep for the week.
And final prayers for my appearance for jury duty tomorrow. This is one team I'd be just fine not being chosen for... Oh, well, no sense worrying about it. Going to take whatever comes my way in stride. And go to bed smiling about a great Sunday...

rainy day ride T3 style!

Well, this was supposed to be our last long ride before CDA...100-120 miles depending on the route you chose. We were doing what can best be described as the "Austin Bike Route Sampler":
- Kiker to the Kyle Valero
- right on 150 to RR12
- right on RR 12 to Fitzhugh
- right on Fitzhugh to 290
- take 290 to the roads that wind you back to Southwest Parkway
- left on SWP to 71
- right on 71 to 620
- right on 620 until you hit Anderson Mill and then the maze through the neighborhood and eventually hitting 360
- south on 360 to MoPac to SWP
- and finishing it up with William Cannon + Escarpment + 1 loop of south MoPac if we wanted
Turns out that what we wanted ended up having very little impact on what we actually did today!
Amy and I were trucking along at the back...the two caboose cars for the T3 train today. (Couldn't ask for a better caboose buddy! As Amy said, we think alike AND we both have great internal GPS's...translation, you could get lost in the woods with either of us and be okay! Besides, Amy inspires me to work harder and pedal faster by the example that she sets on her bike...usually a little ways ahead of me.) Anyway, we were averaging just over 16mph (this is fast for me, people! I usually average about 15 and a year or so ago was easily more around 14 so I was pretty darn happy about the 16!). We'd covered just over 50 miles when the rain started...and kept going...and got harder...and turned cold. Thankfully we were just about a mile from the gas station at Fitzhugh and 290 and as soon as we pulled in we saw Jane, Val, Heidi, Alisa, and Karen all shivering outside. They had already made calls to be picked up; I was amazed at how quickly the troops were mobilized. Amy called a friend (thank you, Spencer!), too, and within about 20 minutes we were all headed back to Kiker. Other T3ers were stranded all over the route so we hopped in our cars and headed out to "rescue" them. I say "rescue" because it turns out that a bunch of them had made their shelter at Fion - a wine pub on Bee Cave! They needed us for rides at the end of our time there but first they needed pub buddies! The energy was high - it was like we'd just been told there was a snow day and we didn't have to go to school!
Phone calls and text messages checking in on everyone filled the next hour or so...what a team. "Just checking to make sure you are safe" were very sweet words today. Thanks to everyone who called me - y'all are the best!
A group of us had a fun afternoon of beer and tacos (thanks, Chris Quirk, for the tacos!) after we realized that no other outdoor riding was going to happen today. I sort of have a sense that Mother Nature saved me from myself...poor Amy was trying to but I can be pretty stubborn sometimes. Anyway, I have a feeling that with the frog that has decided to live in my throat and steal my voice and make me feel a little less than wonderful, I probably had no sense riding 100+ miles today. But I was going to do it. I had made a deal with myself that if I felt at least 70% I was going to go for it. And then the rain came. And then our coaches told us not to worry about the mileage. I have already done 3 rides of 100 miles or more so I'm confident that I can go the distance in CDA.
And what I gained today was probably way more valuable...good reminders about safety on the bike (ummm...it comes first...before any training schedules!), great reminders about how wonderful our team is and how great the individuals are, and a reminder that sometimes just pulling a big switch-a-roo and changing up your plans and hanging out without an immediate care in the world is a REALLY good thing. In a funny way, this afternoon was exactly what I needed after a looooooong two weeks of AP exams and other stress at school. (And after all the fun I packaged up those bad boys...yeah! Off they go on Monday!)
Resting up the throat some more tonight...cleaning the house a little...and getting some sleep for our 17 mile run tomorrow. Actually looking forward to it!

friday quotation

As we head into one of our last long training weekends (100-120 miles on the bike + 30 min run on Saturday and then a 17 mile run on Sunday), I'll take these words with me:

"Believe you can do it. Think no other way but 'Yes you can.' The human body is capable of considerably more physical endurance than most of us realize."
- Paul Reese

Let's hope so!

I'm kidding...T3 teammates and friends, believe that our hours of training have not been in vain. Believe that our coaches have structured a plan for us that is solid and has prepared us for what's ahead. Believe in yourselves - that you are strong and capable. And when that voice of doubt creeps in, look to a teammate or coach for reassurance. We can do it, T3! Yes we can! Believe it! (And, yes, I write this for myself as much as for anyone else!!)

question...

Can you OD on Emergen-C? Just wondering because I might be at risk of doing it.
Pounding the water and Emergen-C and about to head to sleep to fend off whatever annoying little thing is trying to crawl into my throat and camp out there.
Ugh. This happens every year at this time. I'm not going to let it get the better of me this year. I'll show it who's boss...as soon as I cater to it and give it sleep, water, and Emergen-C!

catching up...

...with me. No, not a post so that you (readers...whoever you are) can get caught up with me - hopefully my daily blog helps you do that. This is a post about how "it" is all catching up with me. Not sure what "it" is exactly but it's some combination of work, training, AP exams, the end of the school year, not getting enough sleep, probably being dehydrated in spite of my best efforts, travel, etc...
I feel like this every May except for this time it's all more powerful because of my training. Would I trade that? NEVER. Seriously, this IM training has been one of the best experiences of my life. But I have to remember that I'm probably more sensitive to things because I'm more tired than usual. Not necessarily tired in the sleep sense (although a nap each day would feel wonderful). But more tired in the fatigued sense. But that's where we are in training.
We've been asking a lot of our bodies and, frankly, I have not been as good to mine as I should have been. Something good to focus on from here until June 21.
Mentally I'm in a really good place. Not freaked out. Excited and yet already a bit sad that this adventure will end. But there will be new adventures to come. Feeling the support of my teammates - both those who I train with on a daily basis and those who I barely see but who are part of T3 . We're really lifting one another up right now...and we all need it. Thank goodness for T3 - for our coaches, our workouts, and the friendships. I cannot imagine getting through this on my own. I need their voices of reason. I need their experience. I need their encouragement. I hope I say 'thank you' enough - especially when things get tough. This is when we need one another most; and yet sometimes times like this when we're tired and just plain worn out it becomes really easy to turn inward and either ignore the outstretched hands of others offering to help or fail to reach out to others who might be able to use your help. Here's to being open to both giving and receiving energy, love, and support...it's one of the best things we can do for one another.

words

I was thinking about words even before I went to see "Rent" with Erin tonight.
I sometimes find words coming from me that make way more sense than I ever thought I had within me! And sometimes as I'm speaking them to a parent or a student or a colleague or a friend I find that they are the very words that I need to hear myself. Today, for example, I was meeting with a sophomore and his parents. What a lovely family. All they wanted was to make sure their son was on the right track to pursue whatever dreams he chose at the end of high school. We talked about courses, SAT tests, etc... and then they asked about summer activities and other things that would be good for him to experience in high school. My advice: do what you care about. Think about what you love doing or studying and do more of it and find ways to do it with others or share your passion with others. Don't worry about how it might look on a college resume. If you don't have any energy behind it, it doesn't matter how many volunteer hours you've acquired or how many internships you've had. Find something (or some things!) you love and devote time and energy to them. Make sure what you do matters to you.
Hmmm...sounds pretty good, huh? Something for me to continue to strive for...And then I heard more words that made so much sense when I went to see "Rent". First, what a treat - both the show and the time with Erin (yeah, E!!!). Amazing seats (thanks, Dionn, for helping us get tickets!). Incredible set. Such talented actors and actresses. And the music. Oh, the music. It was breathtaking and inspiring and energizing and heartbreaking. The words that sit on my heart as I go to sleep tonight:

There's only us
There's only this
Forget, regret or
Life is yours to miss
No other road, no other way
No day but today

There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love or
Live in fear
No other path, no other way
No day but today

Let's get on with living!

training update

I realized after my Sunday post that I never gave a rundown of my weekend of training. Perhaps it's because I did a 20 mile run Friday morning, hurried home for an ice bath, packed my bags for Charlotte's graduation, threw on a pair of compression socks and other comfy clothes and headed to the airport for a flight to Raleigh-Durham via Orlando. Yeah. The things we do for Ironman training and family celebrations!

Our run was hot. And humid. The saving grace of it was Blythe, the Starbucks along the way that gave us water, and the fact that by some miracle although I was anything but fast on Friday morning, I felt good and strong. Better than I've felt on any long run in a long while. We averaged about 10 minute miles (okay...9:57 to be exact but I think I only made that happen on the last 2 miles of the run when I was on the trail and was so eager to finish that I willed my legs to move faster...wasn't sure I had it in me) over the course of 20 miles which is slower than we usually go. But in reality, I would be thrilled to hold something around that pace on June 21 in CDA! (Note: I also pulled a typical ETG and when I got home after our Thursday swim at the LWC and dinner at Jim Opre's, I decided to do some laundry and pack a little for my trip...translation: 4-5 hours of sleep. Really. When will I learn?)

Anyway, at 5:00 a.m. Blythe and I started off at Barton Springs with Liz, Jess, Jim, and David but as early as the Mopac bridge, we stopped to stretch & refill water and they were gone. No matter. Blythe and I are good company for one another. In fact, it's usually the two of us (plus Amy) on our long runs and one of us always seems to have just what the other one needs whether it's energy or Nuun or a smile or a good idea of how to approach a run. Besides, we laughed that we were the two who really knew the route for the day, so we were fine! (Still not exactly sure what route the others ended up running?!)

We headed out LAB to Exposition, took those hills and it 35th where we hung a right until we got to Jackson where we turned left to weave our way to Hancock. Quick water stop at the Children's School...thank you! Headed over to Burnet and turned north...all the way to Justin Lane (hoping to tack on extra miles so we wouldn't have to make them up back on the trail...didn't quite work but we were close!). Right on Justin to Lamar...quick turn south...and ready as ever for Starbucks on 45th and water...and a bathroom. I swear, one morning after CDA I'm going to go into that Starbucks and thank the nice folks who give use water each weekend when I'm NOT a sweaty mess. At this point, Blythe reminded me that the distance we had left to run was only as much as we'd already run...yippee!! We hit the road again, cutting over to Guadalupe, ran all the way south towards campus (buzzing with the excitement of the last day of classes), and at the Dobie Mall we cut over to Speedway. Right there and eventually hit Congress after winding around the Capitol. Blythe's knee was beginning to bug her so we made sure to stretch it out every once in a while (thank goodness for some well-timed red lights!). True to form, Blythe gutted it out. Seriously - she is one tough woman...maybe it's rubbing off on me!? One more Starbucks stop on Congress - everyone dressed for work and two sweaty girls trying not to touch anything or anyone...or leave a puddle on the floor! Straight on to the trail - yeah! We did a funky 1st Street/Congress Avenue bridge loop hoping to add a few extra steps to save us from doing parking lot loops in Barton Springs or something. Another water refill at 1st Street...get the picture? It was HOT and HUMID and we needed LOTS of water. Then the homestretch back to BS. We were only at mile 17 or so and knew we'd only hit 18 by the time we got back to our cars...how did that happen?

Blythe wisely chose to give her knee the TLC of Barton Springs but I had no excuse to stop so I headed back to the trail for 2 miles. I actually thought I'd turn around at the footbridge and call 19 miles close enough to 20 miles to count but once I got there a switch clicked in me and I decided to finish up all 20 miles. I was so close. I knew I was feeling better than I'd felt on our last two long runs so I really had no excuse. And for whatever reason, on that day, 20 miles needed to be the full 20 in my mind. So I ran to the Lamar Bridge...and back to BS...and then a little past my car just for good measure. Finished feeling strong - more mentally than physically but not too bad physically. Need to engrave that run in my memory for June 21 because I suspect that I'll have times of wanting and willing my legs to move in spite of their resistance. And I'll know that I can push through.

I think the run was tough for a lot of us who ran Thursday night or Friday morning. The conditions weren't great. We all noted consuming WAY more water than usual. And the distance, well, 20 miles is nothing to take lightly. I've been forgetting that lately. We've eased into our distance so gradually that I've found myself casually saying, "well, the day started with a 20 mile run" as it it were the same as a 5K! (Non-runner ETG is laughing right now!) Anyway, a special shout-out to all of us who are knee-deep in this training (or any training!) and are pushing ourselves to knew limits. I'm inspired by everyone around me...keep it up!

Quick trip to WF to grab a breakfast taco, coffee, two bags of ice...soak in an ice bath...hurriedly throw clothes in my bad (quick thought - please let something I'm bringing match)...and then off to the airport.

Saturday was my day off...yeah! So nice to be with family and not be worrying about how to work in a run or a bike ride or a something.

Sunday once I got back to Austin and took care of business at work I hit south MoPac for some loops. Chrissie had told me to listen to my body and only do it if I wanted to. Surprisingly, I wanted to! Did just over 40 miles and focused on something different each loop - cadence, pushing tougher gears, mixing it up. Good mental endurance and good to have some goals each loop. Ended up with a higher mph than I usually do, too, so that was exciting. Legs felt powerful today.

Phew...ready to start another week. No yoga so I got to sleep in a little. And then after work headed for the hills...well, the hills behind O'Henry. Can I say it again? I love Monday night run workouts!!! (I'm being serious.) Tonight was 1000m repeats behind O'Henry. The CDA folks had 7 repeats. Our goal was to do them at a 5K pace which pretty fast. I don't really know my 5K pace so I just tried to do them as quickly as I could. We weren't supposed to drop time so I dialed in after the third one and tried to hold the rest steady. And I did. Until I got to the last one. And I decided to shave off 4 seconds. That was fun. Felt good to have one last little something to add in at the end. Phew. But I was done. I had promised myself to give 100% to this workout since it's my only coached run workout this week. And I did. No regrets about this one.

I've been worried a little that I'm getting slower as this training goes on. But I think the reality is that I'm getting much, much stronger. And maybe that will slow me down but give me what I need for the long haul...and CDA is a very long haul. Truly, I'll trade a few seconds in time for feeling like I can keep going in a strong way! (Then finished the day with a looong chat with Amy on the O'Henry track while we were stretching...well, at least we were stretching at first...awesome way to end the day. Thanks, Amy!)

hopscotch

Gran said the cutest thing to me yesterday. I called her from Orlando to wish her Happy Mother's Day and I left a message. She called me back and somehow I missed her so she left a message. Here's what she said, "Elizabeth. Gran. We're playing hopscotch. Call me back. Love."
Maybe she meant tag - as in telephone tag? Tag? Hopscotch? Red Rover? Kickball? All the same?! It made me giggle out loud in the Orlando airport. Gosh I love her! Grateful to still be able to play hopscotch with her as she comes up on 92 this summer. Love you, Gran!

happy mother's day...and other Sunday thoughts

Every Mother's Day I buy three cards - one for Mom, one for Mor (my stepmom), and one for Gran. And I usually sent Mother's Day emails to aunt Mary, Kingsley (my mom's good friend and my second mom growing up), and sometimes to other "mother figures" in my life. I'm grateful for all of the incredible women who have raised, nurtured, encouraged, admonished, re-directed, challenged, and loved me over the years. I know it hasn't always been easy - is raising children supposed to be easy? I know I haven't always done as I was asked to do - but I do hope, in general, that I didn't give you too much gray hair! And I'm sure I've disappointed you from time to time - I promise that I didn't set out to do that. But even when we've been at odds, even through the silence that sometimes pervaded our relationships, even when you didn't understand me or my decisions and I didn't understand you or your actions, I have always loved you. You have given me the best model of love that doesn't always mean agreeing, love that doesn't always mean 100% smooth-sailing in the relationship, and love that brings you back time and time again and makes room for forgiveness. To all my moms...but especially to Mom...happy Mother's Day.

And those other random thoughts (mostly from my weekend of traveling):
- wearing compression socks on the airplane might be the way to go...always! I wore them on Friday because my legs needed to recover from a 20 mile run that morning. I wore them again on Sunday because my legs felt so darn good on Friday after wearing them!
- If you are flying in or out of Orlando, expect to have lots of children on your flight. Two words of explanation: Mickey and Minnie.
- Blackout curtains in a hotel room make for a might fine night's sleep...

And perhaps the best thought from traveling came from the security guard at the Austin airport who checked my ID on Friday. When he had finished examining my driver's license he handed everything back to me and said, "Do me a favor..." I fully expected him to send me to a special line. I'm notorious for being searched at airports. I must look suspicious or something. Anyway, he finished his sentence, "Do me a favor, keep smiling. The world needs more of that." Maybe he's right? Simple enough...I will keep smiling.

friday quotation

Last night I turned on the television (confession: I was thinking I might catch the end of the sappy season finale of Grey's Anatomy...which I haven't see in months...but I was in the mood for something like that?!) and I happened upon Michael J. Fox's special Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. It was a treat.

When I turned it on, he was in Bhutan and I was struck by a conversation that was happening. He was talking with some people about optimism and their community and they were describing how they support one another. And I happened to hear a line that made so much sense to me...thus, my quotation for the day.

(In Bhutan), our word for "help" means "to be a friend".


LOVE THAT!!!