friday quotation

Never allow yourself to become one of those people who, when they are old, tell you how they missed their chance.
~ Claire Ortega

hanging on to things AND yoga Monday

No, I am not the next person who is going to be on the TV show "Hoarders" - or at least I don't think so! Maybe my friends have something they want to tell me?!
But a few weeks ago, I wondered if I needed a little intervention in my life. I tackled a project I'd been putting off for too long...cleaning my closet(s). The result - about 5 bags of stuff to go to Goodwill. And still probably way too much stuff still here in my house, but it's a start. In my defense, I was a careless bag packer. I could have been more efficient with the bags. I did not fold clothes; I didn't bundle up the many shoes that I had lived on the floor of my closet for way too long. And I had LOTS of sweaters that I'd been hanging on to since college...umm...that was in Virginia...a few handfuls of years ago. One word for them - BULKY. (It was a tad colder there than it is in Texas in case you didn't know...you don't really NEED all of those sweaters if you're hanging on to yours.)
Anyway, I could have MAYBE condensed the piles to 3 or 4 bags, but a round 5 (because things are better when divisible by 5...right Katy?!) was the number that got loaded into my car to go to Goodwill. It felt awesome. And it really didn't take too long. And it wasn't as painful as I had imagined it would be. As suspected, the most difficult thing to get rid of were the articles of clothing that held some sentimental value - mostly t-shirts from events or that I bought in a place that I visited. And I held on to some of those. But, honestly, someone in Austin will get better use of them than I will. They sit year after year on a shelf in my closet wondering if they are ever going to be worn again...perhaps dreading that they might end up as a rag in my dust rag bucket or as part of a t-shirt quilt. (Nothing against those, but I just don't really think I'll ever have one made out of my t-shirts.)
Somehow clearing my closet also left a little extra space in my mind...to think. To think about what I hang on to and what I can let go of. In both the literal and figurative sense. That was a little over a week ago. And then just this Monday, a song was playing as I walked into yoga and it was all about letting go...which brought me back to its opposite - hanging on to things. Yes, a very "zen", "yin and yang" balance moment.
There are things that I want to hang on to - sweet memories, dreams, special gifts from people, loved ones themselves, moments in my life, objects given to me by loved ones, a letter or email from a dear friend or family member, a book that speaks to me as if the author had me in mind when s/he was writing it...to name only a few things. And there are also things that I might not want to part with because they are familiar and comfortable, but that I should get rid of. For example: that thing that someone else really could be using; the thing that doesn't let me move forward relationally, professionally, personally, emotionally, athletically, medically...whatever it is, (we all have an obstacle somewhere in our lives); those words that echo in my mind and bring me down or undermine who I am or hold me back...again, to name just a few things...the things that weigh me down and clutter my house, my life, my mind, and my soul. It's so freeing and so scary to let go of these things. You never know the ways in which you'll miss them...you never know what is going to come in and take over that space.
I suspect I'll tackle another closet or shelf or drawer (goodness knows, I still have plenty of "stuff" around!) before I figure out this less tangible part of letting go, but it's been quite a journey since the clearing out process started. I came across this great quotation last week, too, that really spoke to me - "things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. Getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place." (Paulo Coehlo) And with that, let the cobweb removal continue, let the house cleaning continue, let the mind/heart/soul-clearing continue...and to think it all started with me just needing to sort through a bunch of old sweatshirts?!

friday quotation

Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
~Richard Bach

yoga on Monday...but thoughts created on Sunday

I did go to yoga this morning. And Amy and Jerry were there and that was a treat. And I was tight and sore in all sorts of random places...and damn those hip-opening exercises. Ugh. BUT the nicest surprise was that I actually felt refreshed. Not my usual, "What, I actually have to get off my back and move in class?" feeling. I have no doubt that my weekend had something to do with it.
Although there wasn't a lot of downtime in New Orleans...Gran keeps us busy (with all sorts of wonderful things that we LOVE doing for her...but I did get AWESOME sleep each night. We're talking 9-10 hours friends. For three nights in a row. Nice. I might be a convert :)
But the weekend was just one of those "good for the soul" weekends. Gran and I laughed. We came close to tears, but she actually didn't cry this time when I left which was a huge blessing. I can't handle it when she cries. I giggled each time she talked about the Cube and how much she liked it. I had a few "tough love" conversations with her trying to convince her that it was okay if she didn't finish every "to do" list each day. (She's going to work at being a little more of a 93 year-old rebel!) And I got to work on my grandfather's war journal (more about that later) a lot, get some questions answered, and see just how much he loved Gran. It's pretty amazing to me.
At any rate, Gran sent me an email today to thank me. So unnecessary. So Gran. Oh, and if other parts of it sound familiar because you know me, all I can say is that perhaps some of who I am I come by quite naturally!

Dearest Elizabeth,
I really enjoyed your visit and it perked me up. Get discouraged over how little I can do and how much I want to do.
Thanks for all the work on the book. Think it will be appreciated by a lot of people. At least, it will be a record of a wonderful man who cared about us all.
I feel like "My Cup Runneth Over" when I look at my freezer. Thanks so much for the freezer food. Will enjoy it. Today for lunch I ate the last of the chicken salad. I love it.
My therapist came today at 11 and said I am doing great. She will call tomorrow to let me know when she will be here Wednesday. My blood pressure was 123/55 and my pulse 65. My blood pressure seems to vary a lot but all is within range so no problem.
I assume you took Chris' pyrex container. Thanks for putting something in it and getting it to her.
I know I will love The Help. Everyone seems to have read it.
Jack called yesterday late. We will go out Thursday night.
Thanks for caring for me. I do appreciate it.
Lots of love,
Gran

Tough as it was to leave Gran, it was also very sweet to come home. To a rainbow in the sky as I drove away from the Austin airport. To yoga. To my Monday morning Whole Foods coffee routine (complete with time to sit with Amy and a Jess sighting!). To my friends and colleagues at work. To seeing Praveeta in her new place - looks SO good and I'm SO happy for her. To helping random men by lending them my jumper cables. To my first run practice back since CDA...and I didn't die! To all of these wonderful reminders that Austin is home. Gran may be in New Orleans. Mom may be in California. Dad and co. may be in North Carolina. But Austin feels like home to me. And there's something very comforting about that. (Now to get back on this sleep thing...)
P.S. Happy birthday, Blythe! Miss you!!

latest reason...

...why you don't want me to get you a rental car:No offense to any Cube drivers but this is not exactly what I was expecting when I asked for a standard car (or a compact car...can't remember which).
And to add to the humor...just what every car needs on its dashboard:Guess Nissan thought this added that "je ne sais quoi" quality to the car.
"Je ne sais quoi" is right...quite literally "I don't know what would have ever possessed a designer to add this to a car?!" I have four days with it to figure it out.

it's on...

...the nutrition challenge that is.
Jess and Chrissie came up with this great idea of a 3 month program "to help you reach your individual nutrition and wellness goals in a supportive team environment." LOVE the idea. We're not challenging each other. We're challenging ourselves...and we're using one another as support. The cool thing is that we will all have slightly different goals - at least I'm pretty sure of that - but we all struggle with some similar things. Or at least I assume we do given the questions that people asked at our first meeting on Monday night. From beer to cheese to chocolate, we've all got our temptations. We all want to be social creatures and not be ruled by our food/drink choices. Yet we all care about our bodies and we know that given what we do (all our training) that we need to take care of our bodies. We have to pay attention to what we eat if we want to perform with any "success" (not defining that in terms of race times...more in terms of surviving training day in and day out!), we generally know our bodies well, and we pretty much know what we should be doing...now to make sure that we're doing it.
Monday night was our first meeting and I'm super excited! Of course, having Jess as our "nutrition guru" and Chrissie as her (self-described) "helper" means that we have a dynamic duo leading the way. In even this initial meeting, I picked up a thing or two that I didn't have a clue about. And Jess has already given me some personal feedback that will let me get started ASAP. Like today...because the challenge runs July 12-October 2 (well, really July 13 if we want to start on the date we had feedback). I know this won't be easy. But when have I been one to go the easy route when it comes to...well, just about anything? And as Gran said about me in the middle of the marathon when Chris called to update her, "My granddaughter does not quit." She's right. I might slow down. I might question myself. I might take a detour. I might get frustrated. But I don't quit. And I won't quit this either.
Even though I know it's going to be tough to get some of my numbers to budge (why does seeing those numbers ALWAYS make me gulp a little?!).
I don't have major, major things to change. And I guess that is something to be grateful for. On the other hand, I don't have major, major things to change because I'm pretty disciplined about this food stuff already. So it's a little daunting to think about being even MORE careful and disciplined. But I can do it. I'm sure of it. And when I'm not, I'll just call Gran and she'll remind me that her granddaughter does not quit.
(P.S. Also very excited about the people who will be by my side through this journey these next 3 months and already looking forward to our weekly meetings...even though I have to miss the first one!)

yoga Monday

Sleeping in on Saturday followed by a trip to the Farmers Market and Costco (slightly different worlds...and in a wonderful way I feel at ease in both of them!) and an afternoon full of friends, cleaning, and baking. Volunteering at the Couples Tri on Sunday followed by more cleaning, laundry, and cooking. Result of the weekend: feeling refreshed and rejuvenated by sleep, a VERY clean closet (finally...this project was LONG overdue and resulted in an embarrassing number of bags going to Goodwill), some yummy food, a happy heart from time with friends, and being inspired by people at Couples.
How do you top that?
YOGA first thing on Monday. And the message for today - "leave your expectations at the door". Um yeah. For yoga. For people. For ourselves. This is a delicate balance. How do you have high standards for yourself, for your relationships, for the work that you do, for how you live your life, for the world that we live in...and yet not go into all of those situations with expectations. Expectations that make you force something onto a situation so that your expectations are met. Expectations that are sometimes unrealistic and therefore leave you disappointed. Expectations that are ridiculous and unfair to place on anyone or anything.
A long time ago with some people I really love in my life I switched from having expectations to having hope. Hope that I would be able to have the sort of relationship with them that I was meant to have. Hope that we might not continue to disappoint one another. Hope that things might get better. This doesn't mean that I stopped working and lived on hope. But it did mean that I was less disappointed because I wasn't painting unrealistic expectations on the relationships. I was more able to accept these wonderful people for who they are instead of being disappointed about who they are not.
This morning's class and the message from it was a good reminder of that lesson to leave my expectations at the door and that doing that doesn't mean lowering my standards or letting go of my hope, but it does take the judgment out of things and that feels good.