No, I am not the next person who is going to be on the TV show "Hoarders" - or at least I don't think so! Maybe my friends have something they want to tell me?!
But a few weeks ago, I wondered if I needed a little intervention in my life. I tackled a project I'd been putting off for too long...cleaning my closet(s). The result - about 5 bags of stuff to go to Goodwill. And still probably way too much stuff still here in my house, but it's a start. In my defense, I was a careless bag packer. I could have been more efficient with the bags. I did not fold clothes; I didn't bundle up the many shoes that I had lived on the floor of my closet for way too long. And I had LOTS of sweaters that I'd been hanging on to since college...umm...that was in Virginia...a few handfuls of years ago. One word for them - BULKY. (It was a tad colder there than it is in Texas in case you didn't know...you don't really NEED all of those sweaters if you're hanging on to yours.)
Anyway, I could have MAYBE condensed the piles to 3 or 4 bags, but a round 5 (because things are better when divisible by 5...right Katy?!) was the number that got loaded into my car to go to Goodwill. It felt awesome. And it really didn't take too long. And it wasn't as painful as I had imagined it would be. As suspected, the most difficult thing to get rid of were the articles of clothing that held some sentimental value - mostly t-shirts from events or that I bought in a place that I visited. And I held on to some of those. But, honestly, someone in Austin will get better use of them than I will. They sit year after year on a shelf in my closet wondering if they are ever going to be worn again...perhaps dreading that they might end up as a rag in my dust rag bucket or as part of a t-shirt quilt. (Nothing against those, but I just don't really think I'll ever have one made out of my t-shirts.)
Somehow clearing my closet also left a little extra space in my mind...to think. To think about what I hang on to and what I can let go of. In both the literal and figurative sense. That was a little over a week ago. And then just this Monday, a song was playing as I walked into yoga and it was all about letting go...which brought me back to its opposite - hanging on to things. Yes, a very "zen", "yin and yang" balance moment.
There are things that I want to hang on to - sweet memories, dreams, special gifts from people, loved ones themselves, moments in my life, objects given to me by loved ones, a letter or email from a dear friend or family member, a book that speaks to me as if the author had me in mind when s/he was writing it...to name only a few things. And there are also things that I might not want to part with because they are familiar and comfortable, but that I should get rid of. For example: that thing that someone else really could be using; the thing that doesn't let me move forward relationally, professionally, personally, emotionally, athletically, medically...whatever it is, (we all have an obstacle somewhere in our lives); those words that echo in my mind and bring me down or undermine who I am or hold me back...again, to name just a few things...the things that weigh me down and clutter my house, my life, my mind, and my soul. It's so freeing and so scary to let go of these things. You never know the ways in which you'll miss them...you never know what is going to come in and take over that space.
I suspect I'll tackle another closet or shelf or drawer (goodness knows, I still have plenty of "stuff" around!) before I figure out this less tangible part of letting go, but it's been quite a journey since the clearing out process started. I came across this great quotation last week, too, that really spoke to me - "things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. Getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place." (Paulo
Coehlo) And with that, let the cobweb removal continue, let the house cleaning continue, let the mind/heart/soul-clearing continue...and to think it all started with me just needing to sort through a bunch of old sweatshirts?!
