yoga Monday

Life is a series of holding on and letting go.
And I was reminded of this in yoga in this morning as our teacher talked about our practice and our lives as a dance between holding on and letting go.
Holding on to the things that are dear to us, the things that build us up, the things that make us better people, the things that help us leave the world a little better than we found it (or at least some small part of the world)...
Letting of the things that hold us back, weigh us down, tell us that we're less than we are...
And so the dance continues...
P.S. Happy birthday, Kimberly!

sunday evening post

The summer ragu is simmering ("summer" because I made it with ground pork and white wine...a little lighter than the "winter" ragu usually made with ground beef and red wine). I'm wearing an apron that Gran gave me that takes me back to her kitchen (and will save yet one more shirt from a kitchen splatter!) The laundry is nearly done. My house is clean. My packing for CDA has begun. I've just had a nice phone catch up with different friends. My grocery shopping for the week gave my basket a very colorful look (see photo) and plenty of stuff to make "real" meals from (note to self: do NOT skimp on nutrition right now with two weeks - YIKES - to go to CDA). I'm prepping for the week, enjoying a trout salad with asparagus and other veggies and some goat cheese and the last of the wonderful bread that Jess made last week for Erin's party, and listening to some country music (because, really, sometimes that's just what the mood calls for)...and sometime tonight I'll watch "Up" as I head to bed at a pretty early hour. Life feels very sweet. (Sure, there are always things that I could dwell on. But overall, when I think of the tragedies around the world and the sadnesses and worries in the lives of some people - floods that take people's lives, the BP oil spill, cancer that won't give up, heartaches for other reasons - I have no problem admitting that my life is very, very blessed.) And I'm soaking up the lazy days of summer.
I actually haven't been that lazy, but I do love the different pace that summer (and TAPER!!!) provides. In terms of work, I have really tried to hold myself to the motto that "things can wait until Monday" during the summer so as to preserve a little sense of vacation even when I'm in town because I don't think I'll be getting away for all of my vacation time this summer. Of course, I will always respond to emergencies, but I'm trying to really be better about defining those emergencies. And I'm hearing Hilary's wonderful words, "Elizabeth, we really aren't dealing with life or death matters here...there are VERY few real emergencies in our line of work." True. True. And taper has allowed me more time in my weekend and more energy overall (although that did not stop me from taking a nice nap today!). More time to get together with friends, to do stuff around my house, to take a long overdue load of recycling to school, to make a dent in the big stack of magazines and books that has been growing by my bedside, more excuses (like 95 degrees of them!) to eat popsicles and snocones... Even though summer brings heat and BIG TIME humidity, it also brings these good things. And heirloom tomatoes...and grapes...and peaches...and cherries...and summer squash...and watermelon...and mangoes...and excuses to eat "light" (read lots of salads and smoothies) because it's so incredibly hot!
I also love how the days sort of blur together in the summer because our routine at school is so delightfully altered...I had to remind myself that today was Sunday and that tomorrow is Monday and that I should show up at work! Maybe I have entered "vacation mode" even though I'm still working...that would be a miracle. But miracles do happen. I believe it!

friday quotation

"Whether you are geographically a resident or a transient, always try to remain a resident to yourself, be true, and find a home in you."
~one of my students

yoga Monday

It's funny to me when life and yoga intersect. Saturday I was talking to a friend about feeling grounded, or not grounded as the case may be. And today in yoga, that theme comes up again.
We were doing crescent lunge...or I was trying to do crescent lunge. This pose gets me every time. It's sort of like mile repeats at track or certain tasks at work. I'm well aware that it's as much of a mental game as it is a physical thing. But this morning my work was cut out for me as I tried to engage both mentally and physically. Mentally, I was elsewhere. A place that is not helpful to be when you're supposed to be in yoga class! Physically, my legs were tired and tight from our weekend's workouts. I was hoping that yoga would help but I wasn't sure that crescent lunge was the answer!
So as I was mapping out the most graceful way to fall out of this pose without taking out my neighbor should it come to that, our teacher Malia says, "Ground your back leg and let your heart open up and lead the way." Inner dialogue: "That's a lovely thought but really, I'm just trying to stay upright here." But something must have sunk in because I kept thinking about it all day. And as I looked into this pose a little more, supposedly one of its benefits is that it gives a sense of freedom since the heart is open and lifting upward but all the while you are grounded and rooted in the earth beneath you as you seek to maintain balance.
And maybe that's the message to me...I can still feel freedom even if I'm grounded. I can still be grounded even if my heart is open and free. The question for me is always - what am I grounded in? And what is my heart opening up to? I guess the latter , and maybe the former, will reveal itself in good time. Although I think I know more about my grounding than I do about what I'm opening up to...but I'd like to trust in both what's beneath me and where my heart is taking me.
In the meantime, I'll feel victorious at not having made this a "falling moon" lunge!

each year, one doctor's appointment reminds me...

...to be super grateful for my health.
I must admit that as the years go by and as my original diagnosis of a pituitary tumor (back in 2001) becomes more and more distant, I don't get as worked up about my yearly appointments with my endocrinologist. And yet, each year when I leave there with a clean bill of health (which, fortunately, has been a number of years in a row now) that includes good blood work and no need for an MRI, I find myself walking (er...floating?) a little lighter than usual. My hormone levels were all in check this time - and even better than a year ago! Now, hormones are very temperamental things so it really could have just been a good day when I got my blood drawn, but I guess the theory is that if you do the tests regularly enough and are in tune with your body enough, you'll catch the hormones on a bad day at least once and you'll be alerted to anything that you need to be alerted to. My cholesterol was picture perfect - to quote my endocrinologist, "These are the sort of numbers we hope to see after someone has been put on medicine to control their cholesterol." Thank God for small favors that high cholesterol doesn't run in my family. All in all, Dr. Blevins was very happy with my current health, inquired about my exercise and such (exercise and relaxation to relieve stress...okay, I do one better than that other..., were two of his original prescriptions for me) and told me to keep doing what I was doing. I joked that I wasn't sure I could keep doing an Ironman every year but that I promised I wouldn't slack off too much. He laughed and said, "You know what I mean. Your exercise is keeping you healthy in the ways it would for someone without a pituitary tumor; it just has added benefits for you." Nice.
So I decided I'd keep that tumor at bay and ride 75 miles on Saturday and then run 13 on Sunday as an "I'll show you, Mr. Pituitary Tumor" and as a sign of gratitude for my health - a "because I can" gesture. (Never mind that it was also on my training schedule!)
And on Sunday after my run, I came across this article in the NY Times called, "A Cancer Scare, a Scar, a Silver Lining", and while no doctor ever thought my tumor was malignant (apparently this type of endocrine tumor rarely is), I certainly understood the author's silver lining comments as well as his sigh of relief when he hears that the tumor was benign. I seem to know (or know of) a lot of folks right now who haven't been so lucky when it comes to cancer or tumors or illness in general so I'm saying an extra prayer of thanks. So many of these diseases/health problems are so sneaky that you can be feeling relatively fine and all of the sudden be knocked down for the count by some awful condition. And hormones are SUPER sneaky and subtle and often leave you just feeling "off" which you can attribute to anything from not enough sleep to allergies to a slight case of the flu to not enough caffeine. And I guess that's why I'm relieved every year to see good test results. It's just added confirmation to feeling good and living the very full life that I do. Perhaps I shouldn't need that affirmation, but I do. For all of the belief that I have in acupuncture and other forms of healthy living and healing, I am the granddaughter and daughter of doctors after all...we like seeing numbers and reading results as "normal"! Okay, at least the blood work is "normal"...even if the patient might not be deemed completely "normal" on any given day.
But for today, HOORAY for another year of healthy, clean living...it really is a great gift and I'm the grateful recipient.

friday quotation

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
~Rumi

My cousin Sarah shared this quotation with a group of us as a means of comfort just after the Morrow's new puppy (the one I posted pictures of a while back) died unexpectedly. And today is Sarah's birthday so I thought it was appropriate that my friday quotation should be one that she shared with me. Happy birthday, Sarah! And here's to all of us welcoming guests of all sorts into our human being home.

yoga Wednesday

It's usually "yoga Monday" but this Monday was Memorial Day and filled with CapTex and Wilke repeats goodness. Great day to be part of the tri community here in Austin...lots of inspiration from hours of helping people out of the water and then a little exercise of my own as Jess and I tackled Wilke...times 6. Possibly my favorite moment was when a random car pulled up alongside us and said, "20 of these, okay?" I responded, "Um...not today." He laughed and offered us an encouraging "you're looking good" as he drove away.
Oh, yes, and my first SnoBeach sno-cone of the season...YUM. It was so hot on Monday that I almost broke down and got two sno-cones...but I satisfied my craving for more icy, sweet goodness later that night with a popsicle instead.
Tuesday was the beginning of summer at school. Summer hours: 9-2. I AM SPOILED. It feels like vacation even when I am going into the office each day because the pace is slower and the atmosphere is more laid back. That being said, I am still really looking forward to the days of "true" vacation that I will take this summer. Swim + core-pin (Jim's wonderful name for core class + spin class at the PTC) in the evening. It was the first time I'd driven to Lost Creek since getting my car back from the deer accident. I was going SUPER slowly down Lost Creek Blvd. (translation - probably 25 mph) with my brights on as much as I could. And I didn't really relax until I got to the pool. I'm sure that feeling will die down over time. I sure hope so. Being cautious is one thing; feeling that tense at 5:30 a.m. is another! Core-pin was awesome Tuesday night...Katy had us laughing so hard that I will claim three workouts (the two obvious ones + the one we got from cracking up at Katy's commentary throughout core). So glad she's back around!
Wednesday morning brought another swim...WITH JESS :) We finally got to claim a lane - with Tennille, too. Our legs were all fried so we were a good match for one another. Lots of fast stuff with 8 x 50 about three times during the set. Talk about getting your heart racing early in the morning.
At work I got to be part of two interviews with students where I was once again humbled and moved by their maturity, poise, accomplishments, humor, self-awareness, and sensitivity. How many people get to be inspired every day at work...and by those MUCH younger than them?! Not too many that I know. I left feeling pretty lucky and definitely in good spirits.
Spirits that were only lifted even more when I met with Dr. Sellers at Performance Wellness for one last check-in about my hip, psoas stuff and got RELEASED! WOOT! And just in good time for this little race that I have on June 27 :)
Celebrated by going to yoga...which kicked my butt, by the way...so I got to end the day with a parting inspiration from the universe (via my yoga teacher). We were reminded as we left that at any given moment we have just that - one moment, one lifetime, one breath, etc... What I heard was to live in the present, realize that our life is precious (and perhaps fleeting), and live life to the fullest. I'm not sure that's exactly what we were supposed to get out of that message, but it was my yoga moment of the day. And probably one that I can never hear enough.