friday quotation

Owning our stories and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.
~Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

baby, it's cold outside

Really cold. (Okay, Amy is colder in Lubbock and those in other parts of the country are colder, too. But it's cold for Austin.) It's going to be in the 20s tonight and will barely get out of the 30s tomorrow...and even then, only for an hour or so. But I'm warm and cozy in my house. And I have extra blankets. And I have a heater that I can crank up. And I've been enjoying a fire (and hot chocolate and graham crackers). And I have sweaters and hats and gloves and scarves and jackets and wool socks and boots to wear tomorrow. And that's all good and well. And I'm grateful. And also conflicted. Because I realize that I take these things for granted. And today and yesterday as I drove past homeless people in Austin my heart just ached. Honestly, my heart aches every time I see someone without a home, but the ache feels even more pronounced when it's cold outside. Because I know how miserable it is to be cold. And I can't imagine knowing you are going to be cold, dare I say freezing, all night. And into the next day. And possibly the next night. It makes me wonder what I can do. Maybe say a prayer for warmth and shelter for those who might be cold tonight. Maybe give up that $ that I usually hang on to as I only offer a smile. Remember that "there but for the grace of God go I..."

I get by with a little help from my fins...

...and my pull buoy and my paddles and my swimming friends! My favorite swim workout of the year was on Sunday - 100 x 100. Yes. That would be 100, 100s. It's not as overwhelming as it seems because you break it into 10 sets of 100 (in each set you swim ten 100s). And it's every bit as overwhelming as it seems because 100, 100s is A LOT OF SWIMMING. Actually it's a 10K of swimming. Which means it's 6.2 miles of swimming. And even for someone (like me!) who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES swimming, it's a lot of swimming. But we were ready for it last Sunday. Together, Nancy, Jim, Kevin, Jennifer, and I (and others but those were my lanemates) braved the chilly morning air and warm waters of Lost Creek Pool and swam. And swam. And swam. For about three hours. We pulled; we did drills; we kicked; we swam at a faster pace; we slowed it down. I think with the exception of strokes other than freestyle we pretty much covered all of the swimming basics. With Sara to guide us and Mo on deck with pancakes when we finished, we made it through the full workout...with the help of our fins in the second to last set (oh, and paddles, too!). I think nearly every muscle and bone in our bodies was tired and worn out but there was a certain sense of satisfaction at having tackled something BIG. And even though I've done it three times before, it still feels big. I don't have much in the way of races on the calendar for 2011, but Sunday's practice reminded me that I don't have to have a timing chip and a race number to keep pushing myself to new limits and taking myself to new places...because even places where I've been before can feel very different each time I visit.

artist of the month!

So I've been shockingly more cultured this past fall and apparently it's carrying over into the new year. I thought maybe if I had an "artist of the month" it would ensure that I actually went to a museum each month or to an art gallery or to hear live music. There's SO much here in Austin that I don't take advantage of...well, I'm going to see if I can change that!

My new favorite artist (which, of course, some snazzier friends of mine already knew about...) is Angie Renfro. I stumbled upon her work because I am on the email list for the Wally Workman gallery in Austin and Angie has a show there now. Mostly her factory works - which would make sense since the show is called Industry. So on Saturday night at the opening reception, we saw lots of pieces that look like this one: But I think I'm an even bigger fan of her weeds and nests collections that look like...

Can't wait to see what new artist (or new-to-me artist) I discover next month...suggestions are always welcome! But for now I'll continue to enjoy the colors and vision of Angie Renfro.

friday quotation

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.
~mary anne radmacher

epiphany!

No...I haven't really had any epiphanies lately. Well, not any that I think are worth blogging about! But I had to blog today because it is the beginning of the season of Epiphany and while I'm not sure that Epiphany is my favorite season (although the more I learn about it, the more I think it could be), I do know that it's definitely my favorite word. In the English language. Of all time. It's fun to say. It holds all sorts of promise. And it is full of energy and possibility and hope. One of the definitions of "epiphany" in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is "a moment in which you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way." The dictionary also defines "epiphany" as "an appearance or manifestation especially of a divine being" and "an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure." I think those first and last definitions are the ones that usually come to mind. We say things like "I had an epiphany..." and then we go on to describe some entirely new way of thinking about or doing something. I'm open to and hopeful for some epiphanies in 2011.
And as far as the church season, well, it's sort of lovely idea of having the divine come into our lives. Not because we did anything to deserve that sort of grace and forgiveness in this world. Which is actually a really hard thing for me to wrap my head around as I usually think in terms of "earning" whatever we receive in this world. Of karma - things coming back around. Of getting what you put out there. (Even though there are many, many instances in my life where I feel like I got more than I deserved!) So it makes me feel very small to to think that sometime a long, long time ago, Jesus was born so that we could live a more free, unburdened, gracious, humble, non-judgmental, loving, full life. I can't get too philosophical here because I'm really not qualified to do so but I do know that in this season of Epiphany I'm going to try to love a little more, show a little more charity, and be a light in my small, small little corner of the world.

in 2011, I resolve to...

...do less.
Yes. That's right. I'm going to attempt to create more space in my life by doing less. I realize that it will not always look like I'm succeeding (take tomorrow, for example...phew...it's a packed day for a Sunday), but it's my overall theme for the year. And it sort of terrifies me.
I'm a planner and a scheduler. My heart beats a little faster (with excitement!) when I see a training plan on a spreadsheet just waiting to be transferred to a calendar. Give me a time line for a project and I'm suddenly feeling very at ease. And I have to admit that there seems to be some affirmation in our culture when we say "oh, I'm so busy...I'm doing this and that and, and, and..." And, let's be honest, who doesn't like to feel affirmed?!
So, yes, this is uncharted waters for me...the girl who's been on a very full, rich, wonderful albeit a tad bit frantic schedule for, well, at least the last three or four years. And really probably much longer. And that is why my heart is again beating faster - but this time with nervousness - because I'm not sure I know how to do this "less" thing! I know how to manage a packed schedule. I know how to live from "thing to thing". I know how to multi-task. I know how to keep my heart rate low and look composed even when I'm frantic inside.
Honestly, I don't know if I know how to do "slower". If I know how to handle more free time in my life - well, in a meaningful way. Or maybe that's the point. It doesn't have to be meaningful. See what I mean...I might fail at this resolution before January is over!
But, by golly, I'm going to try to do it. And here's why - there had to be a reason for leaving that comfortable frantic life, right?! Right! And for me, it's because I'm curious about what else is out there in the world around me that I can't even see because I'm rushing through life so fast. What song am I not hearing on the radio because I'm so busy station surfing? What person in need am I missing on the street corner (or somewhere else in life) because I'm so focused on getting to my next workout/appointment/etc...? What relationships am I missing out on because there really is no space in my life for anything else under the current frantic schedule? What art (natural or man made) have I passed by rendering it to no more than a blur because of my pace? What blogs have I not written, what recipes have I not made, what phone calls have I not placed, what new hobbies have I not explored, what books have I not read, what dreams (literally and figuratively) have I not dreamt...because my life has been moving too fast?
I'm not really sure what this all looks like, this doing less thing. But I'm imagining something like this:
Less planning. Less scheduling. Less frantic running from thing to thing. Less structured time. Which ultimately (hopefully!) leads to...more free time. More time for friends and family. More time for spontaneity. More time for stillness. More sleep. More space for things that I don't even know that I want in my life to enter my life. More freedom to say "yes" when things come up because there will be less on the calendar. More of what really feels right in my heart (or the converse: less of what I think I "should" do to follow some intangible rules that someone - usually yours truly! - made up). Less clutter and more literal space in my life (yes, this will mean cleaning up the dreaded study more often!). Less worry and more faith. Less self-guilt and more self-compassion. Less for me and more for others. Less seriousness and more laughter.
I suppose all in all it's about more balance. I know, that's a lifelong search and I'm almost certain to not find it completely in 2011, but why not go ahead and start (or continue) the pursuit?
And along the way, my theme words for 2011:
- honest
- loving
- willing
- open
- courageous
- compassionate
- generous
- adventurous
- silly
- thoughtful/reflective/mindful
- passionate
- introspective
- confident
- learning
- simple
- inspired

Into the wide openness of 2011 I go...I better hang on because I think it's going to be one heck of a ride!