full moons and new months

Tonight is a full moon and it does indeed look like there is an extra moon tower in Austin tonight. Shining down on a month that's about to end...welcoming in a month that is about to begin. I know that February is a short month, but it really does seem like it flew by. I covered lots of miles on the bike and in my running shoes...I had many moments for quiet reflection and times to learn more about myself...and I have wonderful memories with friends of celebrations and support through hard times. I've felt both calm and frantic at work...confident, excited, and questioning about my training...secure in who I am and wondering just where I'm going in this world.
Yes, I think that's what February was - a month of being a bit all over the map. Energized and tired. Enthusiastic and complacent. Feeling like I've learned so much about myself in the past few years and realizing I still have a lot left to learn. Having a great run one weekend and a crummy one the next. Spending one day in the bright sunshine and then taking pictures of the snow that fell in Austin two days later. Feeling both very social and also in need of time to myself.
And all the while, having certain things in my life as constants - my friends, my family, my teammates, my work, my health. For these things I'm incredibly grateful. I always appreciate them, but even more so when I look back on a month like this past one and realize how so many other things are in flux.
Speaking of...I now hear rain against my window, which is a sure sign of good sleeping weather for me...and a seemingly appropriate way to usher out what was otherwise a beautiful, sunny day. Good-bye February, hello March.

Sorry, Mother Nature...

...for all the things we've done to make you cranky. Please no more earthquakes or tsunami warnings or other natural disasters. What can we do to make it up to you?

Thinking about everyone who's been affected...

sweet 16

No, it's not my birthday. Certainly not my 16th birthday! And I didn't celebrate my great bike ride today with cupcakes...although that would have been fun. But I am celebrating my third week in a row (or so) of averaging 16mph on the bike.
I know, this isn't super fast to most people. And it still puts me somewhere near the end of the T3 train. But it's a heck of a lot faster than where I was a little over a year ago. And it doesn't drain me like it used to. I'm doing bricks each week (between 10 and 20 minutes unless we're supposed to go longer), and I'm able to hold a steady pace without my legs feeling like they are about to fall off. Good stuff. Even though I'm still working out some hip issues (Dr. Sellers used the infamous ART tools on my hip Thursday...I shall call him Count Scrapula from now on. Ouch.) But I'm learning how to strengthen them and get greater range of motion in them so who knows where my biking might go from here...exciting. And feeling grateful for my health, teammates, coaches, and friends who have encouraged me along the way. I wouldn't get out there week after week without them.
Next bike challenge...a new seat. Some weeks mine is just fine. Other weeks it is almost as uncomfortable as the one that came with the bike. So I'll go see my friends at Jack and Adam's to see what ideas they have for me.
Awesome day overall...beautiful weather (and I got to spend at least 5 hours of it outside - what could be better?!)...great riding buddies...helpful nutrition seminar with Jess and her classmates...a little downtime (could have used a little more of this but will get to bed early)...and a leap-year baby birthday party for my friend Robyn (I can't wait to have some birthday cake!! And, yes, I can...because I rode 70 miles today and will run 15 tomorrow...cake counts as carbs, right?!)

friday quotation

I'm stealing this one from one of my students who spoke in chapel today because I couldn't have said it better myself.

"I don't have the answers to all of the questions of life, but I do know that life is a lot better when you have a passion."

practice makes perfect?

So I've been trying something new lately...saying "no".
Some toddlers learn this word quickly and use it frequently...perhaps too frequently. I think I missed this lesson in pre-school and used its opposite ("yes") too frequently! As I got older, I never really learned to say "no". Okay, that's not entirely true. I learned to say "no" to drugs in my health class and I learned to say "no" to strangers if they were to ever drive up beside me as I was walking home from school and offered me candy (except for that I took the bus home from school so this never really applied!). And I learned to say "no, thank you" if someone offered me something to eat that I didn't want or when someone offered me help that I didn't need. But when it came to helping people or doing a favor for someone or saying "yes" because it kept the peace (especially when it came to my family), I was the last one to say "no". And it's taken me the better part of 36 years to finally be at a place where I've started to add that word back in to my vocabulary where those things are concerned...with others and with myself.
I have been working on this consciously for about 10 years (I know...some of you are thinking, "she's a slooooooooow learner"!), and it's gotten easier. But in my weak moments, I'm back to being the "yes" girl. Saying "yes" feels good (usually), and it makes me (extremely!) happy to be able to do things for others and to make others happy. But some switch flipped in me about a year ago and I realized that always saying "yes" to others meant that I was often saying "no" to myself (tangibly) and sometimes even to my heart (intangibly). Honestly, up until maybe three or four years ago, I don't really remember doing something to help others. This is not a good pattern, friends. Being there for others is one thing, not looking out for yourself as a process is not.
Sadly, I think it took extenuating circumstances and a great opportunity at work for me a few years ago for me to re-learn this lesson...and I pretty much discount that year because I knew I was giving my life up to my work! I don't regret or resent that year at all. In fact, I'm grateful for it for a million reasons, one of them being that it taught me a thing or two about what I wanted my life to look like.
I'm not saying that I have it all figured out now, but I know that in order for me to live a meaningful and fulfilling life, it doesn't involve saying "yes" all the time...although that's still really tough for me.
I had to say "no" this week a few times and while it pained me to not feel like I could/wanted to just jump in and help, I knew that it really wasn't the best thing for me to do (and it really wasn't the best thing for our system here at work either). My head said, "Help...do what you can...even if you're going to be writing your life away" but my heart said, "You aren't going to be seen as any less of a person if you draw a personal boundary around your time, sleep, health, friends, family, training, etc..." That makes total sense, right? So why is it so hard to say "no"?
Maybe because I'm out of practice. I don't think it's like riding a bike and that it will just "come back to me"...partly because I'm not sure I ever really had it!
Maybe because I have lots of old tapes playing in my head that tell me that I have to be the one that fixes everything or says "yes" all the time to make everyone happy. I know. In this day and age of CDs and iTunes downloads, those old tapes should no longer be around but sometimes they are.
I know I will have to keep working at it; and I'm in for the long haul of that journey. But I'm grateful for everyone in my life currently and in the past who has modeled saying "no" to me and who has been an encouragement to me that taking care of myself, that not over-extending myself, that drawing healthy boundaries is a reasonable and good thing. And ultimately better for all around me! (It's the whole put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on the person next to you deal...) It doesn't mean I won't still cross those boundaries or say "yes" one too many times, but it means that when I do need to say "no", I have some sort of peace that it won't be held against me in some way - either literally or in the cosmos.
P.S. I know that sometimes it means saying "no" to fun stuff, too! Like adding an extra practice in or staying out too late before a big workout or eating all the wrong foods before a long run/ride! Discipline...discipline...discipline...that's something I have to continue to say "yes" to. At least some of the time :)

truth be told

Sometimes I get impatient...like today in chapel. (Sorry, advisees.)
Sometimes I just want to daydream instead of working...like yesterday when it was snowing. (I think this is allowed from time to time.)
Sometimes I have to remind myself that when people offer to help they are not saying that I can't do the job...must repeat this one to myself. (And remember it as we plan for next year at school.)
Sometimes I'm really grateful for a day off from exercising when I'm just plain tired for no very good reason...like today. (Thank you, Mother Nature, for giving me an unexpected day off in the middle of the week.)
Sometimes I wish my heart just didn't care so much...but I've come to accept (and usually love?) this part of me.
Sometimes (especially when it's cold outside) I work in my pjs and wool socks in my bed...and eat dry cereal (or drink hot chocolate with a graham cracker) while I work.
Sometimes I look back on my blog and think...why the heck did I write that?!

mashed potatoes in Austin

I certainly didn't really believe it when on Sunday the weathermen/women first started spreading this idea of a wintry mix with snow when it was in the 70s here in Austin. Oh me of little faith in our meteorologists. But really. We get ice here...and sleet...but it hasn't snowed in at least 6 years.
This morning on the drive to Lost Creek for swim practice it was raining...and sometime while we were swimming that turned to sleet. Yes, a sleet-swim...try it, it's fun. Except for when you have to get out! By the time I left Lost Creek, a little sleet had even built up on my car.
The drive in to work was uneventful and easy...no real problems on the road. Thankfully. Everyone seemed to be paying the appropriate amount of caution to the wintry weather. And by the time I got to work, the rain-sleet was coming down pretty steadily. All of the students were bustling around as if they were doing some snow dance that they hadn't practiced in years...no kidding. Yet somehow their amateur efforts worked and mid-way through first period it was snowing. A colleague still called it sleet at the point but by my standards it was snow - it was falling quietly and not pelting the roof of my office and it sure looked like flakes to me. The students all rushed out of the classrooms to continue their snow dance, this time with mouths open to the sky to catch snow and lots of twirling going on. They were hysterical to watch.
Teachers tried to keep everyone on task...many were taking History exams after all...but it seemed like a rather fruitless effort. By advisory, it had legitimately snowed in Austin. A light dusting on the ground, enough to gather and make snowballs (which we did), and even enough to make a snow angel (albeit a very faint one...which we did). Of course the million dollar question was whether or not we'd be dismissed from school early - something that the students (not surprisingly) were gunning for. I have to admit that at least a few of us teachers decided we wouldn't mind it terribly either. And around noon we got the word...SCHOOL WOULD BE DISMISSED AT 1:30 PM! Excitement all around. Obviously, snow isn't a huge problem in terms of driving when you're getting the light dusting that we got; but icy roads are a worry. And with teenage drivers. Yikes. Of course, nearly 300 people leaving one place at one time fueled by the giddiness of a "snow day" isn't the safest idea either...but we urged them to drive slowly and cautiously (as if teenagers really know that language) and we sat back and do what we so often do where our students are involved...hope and pray for the best!
As eager as they were to get home and grab sleds or make hot cocoa or take a nap, they must have heeded our advice because I didn't hear any reports of accidents - phew. And, not wanting to be on the road with all of them and thinking that it would be a quiet afternoon to get some work done, I made myself a cup of tea, turned the music on in my office, and settled into my desk...enjoying the winter scene outside of my office, knowing that it would most likely be gone tomorrow.
More people made it to core and spin than I expected. (And the roads to get there were both clear and relatively empty of cars...nice!) And while it might have been a good night to spin at home, I never work as hard when I'm not spurred on by the energy of my teammates and a coach so I was glad that I made this stop on the way home. And I had the extra inspiration to work hard because Wednesday has become my day off from exercise this week...sort of by default. None of the pools in Austin are going to be open early enough for me to swim before work; our own swim practice at Circle C got canceled due to low temps in the morning; I have a faculty meeting that will creep into track practice; and, as a result of having to shift my Wednesday swim to another day...Wednesday has now become the day to take off from exercising. A little switch-a-roo in the middle of the week...not a bad thing. And crawling under my down comforter tonight with my flannel pjs knowing that I get to "sleep in" tomorrow is an even better thing. Maybe we'll even get a late school start?! Better consult my students for the dance moves for that...
Oh...and why "mashed potatoes in Austin"? Well, apparently when I was little and saw my first snow (I was maybe 3 or 4) I said that it looked like mashed potatoes. Either I had a fabulous sense of imagination or I was hungry! Either way, it was a day of a light serving of mashed potatoes in Austin today...but enough to give us all a little change of pace...which is always welcomed in my book.