farewell to 2011...

2011 was all about "less" - doing less, accumulating less, feeling less guilty, and so on... You might remember my post from the end of last year (although I had to refresh my memory!). And in many ways, it was a year of "less" and, as predicted, also a year of "more" since the notion of "less" gave me room for "more".
Naturally, as 2011 draws to a close, I'm looking ahead at 2012 and thinking about themes and resolutions. And the one that keeps rising to the surface is this:
More about what exactly that means to me, more about what that means to the 38 year-old me, more about what that means to the 38 year-old me as I enter 2012 in my next post. Farewell, 2011. It's been a year. It's been full and empty all at the same time, in all of the right ways. It's been monumental and ordinary all at the same time, and perhaps in the right balance. It's been full of joy and sadness all at the same time, and not just for me but for many close friends and family members. It's been confusing and absolutely clear all at the same time, which often seems to be the way that life comes into focus. So in many ways, 2011 has been a very typical year. And in other ways, it's been completely atypical. I love the messiness of that. I'm not sure I'd know how to live my life any other way. And perhaps that is a good thing because I have a feeling that re-defining myself in 2012 (or at least parts of myself) is going to create a bit of messiness!
P.S. I love the word clouds that NPR creates from time to time. Here's the one for 2011, What It's Been A Good Year For.

friday quotation

"Everything that makes more of you than you have ever been, even in your best hours, is right. Every intensification is good."
~Rainer Marie Rilke

YES(terday)

No...that is not me doing some new modeling gig. I wish. Not really about the modeling, but for the body! Anyway...
I did get to look at the message on the front of the tank top during my yoga class yesterday. I went to my second yoga class at Breath and Body and Desirae (the owner and teacher of this particular class), was sporting this top. What a great message. And how appropriate for my day. I came back from New Orleans, where I had a lovely holiday with mom and Gran - lots of movie watching, meal prepping, walks and runs in the park, too much rich but delicious food - on Tuesday. I really wanted (needed?) one day in Austin without a single thing on the calendar. No appointments. No "must do"s. Not even any scheduled lunches or breakfasts or fun things. Just a day to say YES to whatever struck my fancy. And that is exactly what I got. SO thankful for it.
I answered my body's request for extra sleep...and then rewarded it with yoga, a run, and two walks with friends. A glorious celebration of the tail end of a cold and a glorious winter day. Days like yesterday are part of why we live in Austin. 30s-40s in the morning...mid-60s by the afternoon...BRIGHT sunshine...a crisp evening...the world felt very alive. Perhaps it was because I was able to be open to everything. I know not every day can be like that in that literally I was able to say "yes" to nearly every fun request that was tossed my way. Sleep in? YES! Morning run by the lake? YES! Yoga? YES! Coffee with a friend? YES! An afternoon walk with another friend? YES! And an evening walk with another? YES! A movie and some downtime on my couch as the sky faded to dark? YES! Lovely, lovely, lovely...
As I said, I won't be able to always say YES! to so many things in one day...but maybe if my mantra for each day is that it's going to be a YES! day then other things will follow. (I know, saying 'yes' is in some ways not my problem...I say it far more often than I say 'no' and that sometimes gets me in trouble. But I think if I remember that sometimes saying 'yes' to myself is part of the equation then I'll be open to life and open to showing up for myself, too.) So here's a big old YES to YESterday and to the idea of being a complete YES just by being and showing up in this world.

on a more positive note

Here's the mirror image of the list of "things to START doing" from the same source - Marc and Angel's blog (where the full list is posted). Here are their ideas about things to START doing for yourself. Which has me thinking about New Year's Resolutions...which I will be formulating over the next few days. And I think this year they shall be in the positive, affirmative form. Rather than "stop eating badly", for example, I would say "start eating more veggies". Or something like that. So here's a start, thanks to Marc and Angel. - start spending time with people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. (I'm 97% good at this...not to make it 100%...or pretty close to it!)
- start facing your problems head on (blech...I'm a constant WIP where this is concerned. I hate confrontation. But I'm working on it! And getting more comfortable with it!)
- start being honest with yourself about everything (it's that last little bit "about everything" that is the clincher for me!)
- start making your own happiness a priority (yet another thing I'm already working it...it involves "deleting" some age-old messages that run through my mind!)
- start being yourself, genuinely and proudly (LOVE this one!!!)
- start noticing and living in the present (it's SO easy to get caught up in rehashing or lamenting the past or fantasizing or worry about the future...more difficult to simply BE in the present. Probably much more rewarding though...)
- start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you (for me, the translation here is to make sure that you're taking enough risks to make mistakes so that you have lessons to learn)
- start being more polite to yourself (which basically means, more self-compassion)
- start creating your own happiness (enough said)
- start giving your ideas and dreams a chance (hmm...what are my current dreams?)
- start believing that you're ready for the next step (yep. So many things that will try to tell us that we're not...what if we just knew that we were?)
- start entering new relationships for the right reasons
- start forgiving yourself and others (I'm better at the latter than the former...)
- start listening to your own inner voice (which means I need to create some quiet space in my life...)
- start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks (hmmm...notice this says "take short breaks" not "go do something to relieve it". Breaks, ETG, not stress-free activities...although those might be appropriate at times.)
- start noticing the beauty of small moments
- start accepting things when they are less than perfect (especially within me!)
- start being more open about how you feel (and, for me, focus less on how I think I should feel)
- start taking full accountability for your own life
- start actively nurturing your most important relationships
- start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes (focus on what I want to happen rather than on what I don't want to happen!)

friday quotation (and Christmas weekend post)

Such a beautiful "manifesto"...or perhaps a Christmas wish for the world...to remember all of these things. It makes me feel more peaceful about the world. Which is, I suppose, a huge thing to hope for. But if we can't wish for big things at Christmas time...when something so miraculous happened so long ago...when can we wish for these things. Merry, merry...happy, happy...and all the joys of the season...that's what I'm sending out to the world. I hope the wishes reach you and yours.

right now: There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endless reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness. Someone you haven’t met yet is already dreaming of adoring you. Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.
Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God’s children. A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, “nourish them.” Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favorite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you—for free. Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals, and passes on.
The next great song is being rehearsed. Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their Heart Chakras and wrapping it around the earth. Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way. Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they’ll be thriving like never before. They just can’t see it from where they’re at. Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want—and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in its reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all “So worth the wait.” Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche—this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you. Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest. Someone is fighting the fight so that you don’t have to.
Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, that your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.
Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.

~ found on the internet...I think it's known as "the encouragement manifesto"...which would be an appropriate name. I'll add a source if/when I find it!

my next list

As promised...here's another one. Sent to me by my aunt, who received it from my cousin. It is full of wisdom and 30 items, although I'm just including some of them here. For the entire list from Marc and Angel, go here. I see they've also followed up this list of things to stop doing, with a list of things to start doing...you can see where my posts might be going! But I like stopping some things before starting new things so that I can have some space in my life to tackle new ways of thinking and being and doing.
An abbreviated version of Marc and Angel's list:
- stop spending time with the wrong people
- stop running from your problems (face them head on. No, it won't be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren't supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That's not how we're made. In fact, we're made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that's the whole purpose of living - to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us unto the person we become.)
- stop lying to yourself
- stop putting your own needs on the back burner
- stop trying to be someone you're not
- stop trying to hold onto the past
- stop being scared to make a mistake
- stop berating yourself for old mistakes
- stop exclusively looking to others for happiness
- stop thinking you're not ready (nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won't feel totally comfortable at first.)
- stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons...and stop rejecting new relationships just because the old ones didn't work
- stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break
- stop overlooking the beauty of small moments
- stop trying to make things perfect
- stop following the path of least resistance
- stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't
- stop trying to be everything to everyone
- stop worrying so much
- stop focusing on what you don't want to happen

long on lists these days

Lists of presents to buy. Things to do before Christmas. Books to read over the break. Last things to do in order to leave my work life in good order. Miles to run. Gifts to wrap. Yes, those sorts of lists. But also the lists that keep appearing in my life in the form of blogs or emails. And so I think this week shall be a blog-roll of lists.
Here's the first one from a blog/website called Positively Positive:
How to Make a Life
First - take everything you've ever learned and everything you've yet to discover and place it in a box labeled "Thank you".
Second - take a picture of your face and remember that in ten years time you will be amazed at how gorgeous you were. Be amazed now.
Third - Find someplace to live. Make sure it has the ability to let light fall across the room in such a way that every so often, you'll stop and mouth the words "Ah, sunlight." Don't let the books get dusty. Open them and reread your favorite sentences.
Fourth - fall in love. Touch. More than you think. Have a child if you want one. If you don't - don't. Let your child out into the world, discovering for themselves how magical it is. Or it isn't. It's theirs to decide.
Fifth - get a job. Remember this job is not who you are.
Sixth - do yoga. Let your body discover what it's like to move without your brain holding its hand. Tell your brain to take a hike. Let your body believe fully in its own powers. Let every person you've stored inside your muscles out to breathe now and again.
Seventh - do things that make you feel good. Let your joy be contagious and spread through your home, your job, your children. Let it spread through the world like a virus, so that when you forget it, every so often, you'll catch it from someone else.

I can't claim this "manifesto"; it was written by Jennifer Pastiloff, a yoga teacher and advocate for children with special needs. She admits that the manifesto was born from a place of sadness. But I find it uplifting and a good reminder of where to re-center when I'm feeling off-kilter in some way. Which can often happen during the holidays! One thing that re-centers me is sleep...which I'm off to capture some extra winks of so that I can be fresh for yoga in the morning. My time to tell my brain to take a hike - LOVE that image! Happy week to all...