(different sort of) yoga Monday

Evidently I was a little more wiped out than I thought from our camping weekend...or so my body told me when my alarm went off for yoga this morning. So instead of enjoying Deralyn's class at Yoga Vida, I enjoyed my old Ali McGraw yoga video on my living room. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just different. But I had some breakthroughs this morning right here in my living room:
1 - I was actually able to focus on the video and not the cobwebs that desperately need to be wiped away from the corners of my living room
2 - the postures still felt like they were giving my body a good stretch and a good work out, and I knew what modifications to make to make things easier or more difficult...whatever was needed
3 - maybe being on my own doing yoga this morning was a good thing because it reminded me that I can practice myself, that you can do yoga at your own pace, and that even though you might not prefer it, you really can have a meaningful practice in your own living room
I didn't read myself a quotation or find some "thought for the day" but I was giving a lot of thought Andy Rooney's blurb about the passage of time last night. He talked about how we're always looking forward to things tomorrow instead of enjoying things today...about how we need to slow down, stop planning for the future, and savor every moment. Thought it was good advice and seemed very appropriate as I was returning from a weekend where I wanted to stop time, stay in camping mode, and live wholly in the present as I'd been able to do while camping. Yes, maybe that was the real gift of the weekend - being able to be still, living in the moment, not worry about what was happening (or not happening) at home... I'm not terribly good at these things but I'm trying to learn them by practicing them.

corners and curves...

...and rounding them both.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the twists and turns of life. About how what is just around the next bend is unknown...which is both exciting and terrifying. Like last weekend just around the bend in the road was a cattle guard and a low water crossing with A LOT of water. That will get your adrenalin pumping as you hydroplane across the low water crossing because you didn't have a chance to stop, hop off your bike, and walk across. Phew. And this past weekend, riding on a route I've only ridden twice before, hitting high speeds on the downhills and hoping that nothing like that low water crossing from last week was at the bottom...or climbing up a hill and wondering just exactly when it would end. And even on our run today (up and down many of those same hills), Jess and I were talking about how time passes so quickly on a run when you're in new territory. I remarked that I thought since you weren't sure what was coming up, you didn't worry so much about where you were or where you were supposed to be according to your usual pace, etc...and because you really didn't know what was around the next bend, you couldn't dread it or relax into it too much. And so I feel like I eased around these unknown curves of training this weekend. But I also turned some major corners. Which is a bit reflective of my life in general right now. Funny how that sometimes works.
It was wonderful to get out of town with my T3 teammates and friends this weekend. About 15 of us headed out to Bastrop State Park for a weekend of camping, training, and general enjoying one another's company. And we did all of those things. With Logan's pop-up as our T3 headquarters, we cooked and got camp set up on Friday night...oh, and ate some s'mores. Saturday brought a beautiful day plus some more teammates from Austin who wanted to ride the Pedal Through the Pines routes that we were doing. 60 miles was the plan for the day...ended up riding about 63-64. My plan was to "ride my own ride" and to see what I could do. Since it was a shorter ride with a particularly wonderful stretch of smooth road on the tail end on 71 I decided I'd just see what I had in me. The first part of the ride was through the park. So pretty but incredibly twisty and turny and hilly. It took us a while to get out of the park but soon we emerged and hit more open road. I felt strong after that little park warm-up and so I politely passed a couple of folks and then found myself with long stretches of road in front of me and so I just let my legs go. I pushed up the hills and stayed strong in between. And much to my surprise when I looked up while looking for the turnaround point, I saw Logan, Jim, Jess, Booher, Dustin, and Suzanne at a church where they were clearly pausing for a moment to get water...and, as I discovered, turn around. (I would have ridden further as I was looking for a different landmark...oops!) This was awesome. I was expecting to see them, but more as they were headed back the same way I was coming as this is usually the pattern with the super fast folks. So it was cool to not be too far behind them. Really cool.
We all pulled out together and again, I found my groove and pedaled away from one or two folks and found my own stretch of the road. At one point, Jim (who was saving turtles and so he ended up behind me for a moment) remarked, "Wow, you're really having a great ride. What's changed? It seems like you've really turned a corner." I laughed and said, "I really don't know...and it might not last so I'm clinging to this ride and giving it everything I've got." Now people have been telling me that some cyclists really do turn a proverbial corner in year #2, but I was beginning to believe I wasn't one of them. However, the past two weeks have made me start to believe that perhaps I'm going around a curve with my cycling...not necessarily turning a sharp corner yet but easing around a curve.
And somehow after a night of s'mores, chicken sandwiches, french fries, beer, and sleeping in a tent with a floodlight we all got up to run on Sunday morning. Through the hills. With Logan saying it was a better road to run than it was to ride...ummm...I don't see his reasoning, but, okay. Jess and I took off with the rest of the crew that was running and soon settled into a groove. The idea was a 2 hour run and after numerous hills we were suddenly at our hour mark. Quick turn around and somehow I was thinking it would be fairly flat on the way back...not so. Jess had on her speedy shoes on the way back and my idea of keeping up with her quickly gave way to negative splitting. Which I did. And I felt strong as I rounded each curve and crested each hill. And my legs felt tired, too, and so I turned some mental corners. And somehow, miraculously, I did negative split. It was a great lesson for me in what the mind can do. My legs were a little more than shot from the ride...and then the 1st hour of hills...and yet somehow I was able to will them to go faster than they wanted to go. And that felt very cool.
So how does all of this relate to my life? Well, I feel like I've started to draw some healthy boundaries to make sure I'm living more authentically. To make sure that I'm being me and following my heart and living in a way that feels real and genuine. And that has meant sometimes saying "no" instead of always/usually saying "yes" and trying to be a better communicator and speaking my heart. And that involves rounding some curves and corners and not being sure what's around them...and it's a little frightening and a little exhilarating. Which is sort of the way in which life is reflected in training...and training is reflected in life.
P.S. When I came home from the weekend, my neighbor said, "You look very relaxed." And I thought...I am. Thanks to a weekend in the woods.

friday quotation

Time doesn't stand still, and you don't stand still. Things change within yourself, within your life, and within your sport.
~Priscilla Welch, British Marathon Runner

a "too much" tuesday

Well, four days of intense workouts. And three workouts on Tuesday. So maybe that's too much "Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday"!
It's not anything unusual for me this training cycle. But coming off of a BIG training weekend and following that with a tempo run in the hills on Monday (oh, and yoga, too), well, by Tuesday night's core + spin workout, I was fried. Done. Spent. Exhausted. Drained. You get the picture. And those of you who have ever trained for anything know that I'm not unique in being in this place and feeling like this.
But what struck me as I was leaving the PTC Tuesday night was that I was oddly invigorated, too. At least mentally, and here's why.
ADRENALIN: I'm afraid I'm becoming an adrenalin junkie. And the only thing bad about that is that I'm not convinced it's that good for my endocrine system! That being said, I get a total adrenalin rush with each workout. Even if it's not a super strong one. But there is something amazing at a very physical level about pushing your body in this way. All sorts of feel good chemicals are released...stress is released...you feel empowered even if you're worn out.
INSPIRATION: Monday as I was running the hills by myself - no coach to yell (I mean, encourage me), no teammates to try to keep up with...just me and the hills and the stone delivery guy who saw me pass twice and looked at me like I was nuts both times - I asked myself (only once or twice?!) what the heck I was doing out there at 2:00 p.m. (having rearranged my workout schedule to accommodate a school function at night). Running the hills when it was hot and humid and I'd run 20 miles the day before. So back to my original question, "What was I doing out there?"
Getting my workout in, of course. Making my legs do something they really didn't want to do. Pushing myself past the point of comfort into a steady state of discomfort. Doing something that two years ago I never imagined I would do. And on this day, putting myself through both a physical and mental workout - the latter being just as tough as the former - and proving to myself (because really even the stone delivery guy wouldn't get it!) what I was made of. As I ran the last mile pushing much harder than my body wanted to go and willing myself to make the interval I had set on the first mile, all I could think about was "this is how you will feel in that/those last mile/s of Ironman and you will remember this and you will tap back into this workout and you will finish strong - or at least know that you can." And with that silly message I smiled and pushed myself up the hill at Meriden and down the hill on 12th Street, around the corner on Possum Trot and to my finish line. Yes, the workout was about much more than a 5K tempo run that day.
TEAMMATES: they really a priceless. And when you do some workouts without them...or when you make it through 20 miles on the trail after 100 miles on the bike the previous day with them...you realize just what a difference it makes to have them around. The support we provide one another is amazing. The encouragement unparalleled. And the shared experiences and emotions incredible. Beyond that, having the chance to see someone fulfill a dream is just one of the most wonderful things in the world, in my opinion.
Tuesday's triple workout ended up being more than my body really wanted to deal with on Wednesday morning when I ignored my alarm, slept an extra 10 minutes, and went to Stacy Pool to swim on my own instead of swimming at Circle C. Missed a practice with Chrissie...boo. But ended up having a great swim. Pretty much a non-stop set that I made up with different intervals and equipment. And again, as much of a mental challenge as a physical challenge. No one to "race against" in the next lane. No teammates to try to keep up with. No interval handed down by a coach. Just me, the 33.3 yards of lane, the dude next to me who was doing backwards butterfly, and my watch...and it was good training time. (And seeing Michelle in the parking lot after my workout was an added treat!)
Now it's Wednesday night and I opted out of our track workout tonight...trying to be "smart" about my training, taking advantage of a "rest" week, and needing to get some errands run! I'm appreciating the rest, the balance in my life, and feeling a little more on top of things other than my training. That being said, whenever I'm not at a workout I know I've missed out on something good...so I'll be back on the bandwagon tomorrow!

yoga Monday

A few weeks ago someone told me that I was still on my path of self-discovery. That I was, in fact, really only now figuring out who I was. Slow learner? Late bloomer? It's taken me 36 years to start figuring this out?! Problem was that I really couldn't argue with her. I knew she was speaking the truth. She said it without judgment; it was a mere observation. And it was dead-on.
Then today in yoga, Deralyn read from a book she often reads from (and one I happen to own which makes it very convenient for me to "remember" what she said word-for-word for my blog!) and it was an entry about growth and change and how the two take time. So much for a "namaste, Zen, peaceful feeling class"...my mind is now racing. In a good way. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way. The words are good for me to hear: "Be patient with yourself. It takes time to work out issues, to worth through things. It takes time to learn lessons. The more important the lesson, the longer the cycle to work it out and work through it. We may live in a technical age, but our souls aren't technical. They're still connected to nature... The process of change is like planting a seed and watching it grow and bloom into a flower... Each stage of the process is important... It takes time for nature to change things in to what they're becoming. It takes time for things to develop. Be patient with yourself and life. Trust the process of growth." (Melody Beattie)
Hmmm...this has never been a strong suit of mine. Of course, I'm also not in very much control over it as nature seems to be leading the way...as I try to trust in what is to come and what already is.
P.S. Speaking of nature, a ladybug has decided to take up residence in my bedroom. Makes me happy each time I look to the ceiling and see it!

what's in a number?

So this weekend, among other things (like birthday celebrations and Easter and good times with friends), was about a lot of BIG numbers when it comes to IM CDA training. A 100 mile bike ride. Yes, Gran, you're supposed to drive distances like that, unless you're training for an Ironman. And then a 20 mile run. Another distance you really could drive. This is to and from work for me...something I would never think of running on a given day! By far, these were our longest rides and runs to date. I've done the distances before, a few times over now, in fact. But I think that perhaps no matter how many times someone might ride 100 miles in a lifetime, it's still a thrill. What's even more of a thrill is to have it feel even better than the last time you did it.
The Fitzhugh-Johnson City ride was the very first century that I ever rode. Last year when we did it, it was COLD and WINDY. But there was really nothing new about that given last year's training season. It was mostly COLD and WINDY. But I remember feeling particularly "spent" after the ride. I met up with Joe, Blythe, Laura, Yvonne, and Matt at Kerbey Lane when I finished, and I nearly fell asleep at the table. This year was a different story. For some odd reason, I felt incredibly strong from start to finish. I had joked with Jess that morning that maybe one day I'd wake up and just be fast on the bike and maybe that day would be today! HA! I wasn't quite fast but I certainly was faster than last year. Last year I averaged about 13.9 mph which is indicative of the wind but also makes me wonder what the heck I was doing and if I was perhaps pedaling backwards some of the time?! This year, I averaged 16.06 mph. If you know me, you will realize that this is like traveling at the speed of light for me over a distance of 100 miles...with hills. (If you don't know me, I don't really know why you care enough to read this...but you probably think 16 mph is pathetic...well, not for me!!) But the very best part of the ride was that I felt energized, able to keep up, able to push it, able to lead, and able to enjoy it. The day was ideal...cool in the morning and then plenty sunny and even warm (finally adding some color back to my arms, legs, and face after the winter!)...and the route is one that I love. It's something like 6,000 ft of climbing and is a lot like the CDA course so it's a great ride for us doing that Ironman. But it is also really pretty...lots of fields with animals (cows, antelopes with twisted antlers?!) and, in the right season, BLUEBONNETS and other wildflowers. And they were out in all of their glory this past weekend. And this time, we got the extra treat of crossing a low water crossing where there was actually a lot of water...next time I'll get off my bike and walk through such things. This time, I foolishly rode through and then willed my gears to work for me on the other side. Live and learn. But it was sort of exciting. And scary. Anyway, it's pretty much a ride that when the weather is good and you are feeling good reminds you of why you ride a bike instead of taking a country drive on a Saturday. And for me, Saturday was such a ride. Very exciting...and something that brings me both encouragement and gratitude.
Post-ride activities included a quick brick and then a birthday celebration complete with beer, ice cream cake, fajitas, guacamole, bocce ball, and good times hanging out with friends. Although nearly all of us were exhausted from the day's activities, it was just nice to be together without an agenda, enjoying a beautiful spring evening, hanging out in comfy chairs in a backyard with our feet up...pretty much, for me, the day doesn't get much better than that!
Sunday brought more numbers. Of note, a 20 mile run...broken up into two 10 mile loops around Town Lake from Barton Springs Pool. Of more significant note, the humidity was about 105%. Yes, that means what you think it means. It really should be raining, and sometimes it was, but mostly what we got was a veil of mist to run through. Every once in a while we caught a light breeze which we welcomed, whether it was a headwind or a tailwind. But mostly, it was a long, muggy run. And even though Jess and I pushed it and kept at what we thought was good pace, I have to admit I was disappointed to crunch the numbers post-run and see what our actual pace had been. And that is really the point of this post.
I've struggled (although not been 100% fixated) to not worry about that or count it as a "bad run" because of that pace. Really, what does it tell other than our speed over land? The bigger story to tell is how nice it was to run with Amy, Jess, and John...of how we pretty much looked like we'd already been swimming in Barton Springs before we even got back there to soak...of how we kept moving the whole time and even passed a few people...of how we were doing all of this after a 100 mile ride yesterday...of how we even felt like we were going faster than we were and might have even claimed to have felt "strong" at certain points along the way. THOSE are the more important parts of the story of our run and of my training.
And yet, I sometimes cling to the numbers. Don't we all?
When we're students, we look at our grades/GPA. When we're adults, we look at the salaries we're earning. When we're training, we look at paces and distances and calories. We always seem to be counting something in this world as if having more is always better and that whatever quantity we have of something (everything from college acceptances to job offers, dresses to cars...even friends) defines our self-worth. I talk to my students about this all the time these days. I would never let them define themselves based on college admissions offer, just as I know I should not define myself based on a pace or a time or a distance on one given day. Just because I didn't have the run I wanted to (well, I did...the pace just didn't confirm that!) doesn't mean that I'm a terrible runner. And just because I had a superb bike ride doesn't mean I'm an awesome cyclist. Both things just mean that at a snapshot moment in time, that's where I was...in my training...in my workout...on a given day. And like most other things in our lives, all of that could change in an instant, for better or worse.
SO, what's in a number? A lot. And nothing at all. Or maybe as much or as little as you want to give it on any given day. Which makes it all seem pretty darn relative.

friday quotation

Love yourself, for who and what you are; protect your dream and develop your talent to the fullest extent.
~ Joan Benoit Samuelson