friday quotation

Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.

I've had this quotation in my "friday quotation" stash for a while now. And I promised myself that I wouldn't post it until I'd lived it (well, recently lived it) in a way that mattered. Like today. I speak my mind regularly (always?), but sometimes my voice shakes more than usual. I always worry that it will crack. It sometimes does. But I always seem to finish whatever I have to say. And even if my whole body is shaking at the end, it feels good.

yoga Monday

Back to my usual tricks with yoga Monday...and realizing that it's been at least a year (if not a few more weeks than a year) that I've been at it. Going to yoga regularly on Mondays. Except for when I've been out of town. And I love it.
I'm not always good at it. I know, that's not a very yoga-like attitude. I'm supposed to leave all judgment at the door but when you're surrounded by human pretzels how can you not think, "Hmmm...I'm not all that good at this." I am getting better at corpse pose :)
But the cool thing for me is that I ALWAYS look forward to yoga. And not because I think one day I'm going to wake up and be amazingly flexible or strong or "good" at it. But because I feel like there's always a little "gem" in each class...a learning...a take-away...sort of like a yoga Monday party favor to thank me for showing up to the class. (And our teachers always DO thank us for showing up to class!)
Today's class was full of little messages, but the one that I cannot get out of my mind is: "Look into your heart and find something to strengthen and soften at the same time." Oooh...this I'm good at. Okay, well not so good (yet!) at the follow-through but good at finding what that thing is. Always subject to change. Subject to being replaced and renewed. But I know just the little piece of my heart that will be softened when it's strengthened...or strengthened as it's softened.

podcast junkie

This summer...especially post-Ironman...I have discovered a new obsession. Podcasts. Some are shows that I have listened to regularly for a while now - StoryCorps, This I Believe, and This American Life. Others are relatively new to me - RadioLab, Selected Shorts, Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me.
Summer days are so quiet at school and I'm usually entering data, doing some form of paperwork, clearing out files, cleaning my office (or the faculty lounge!), etc... that it's been really easy to start one of these (often one hour) programs and listen to it from start to finish with very few interruptions. It's gotten so that I look forward to it each day. Will I learn more about sleep? or famous tumors? or parasites? or limits? or the secrets of success? or Lucy (and other chimps)? Maybe I will hear a great story or a touching exchange between a father and a daughter who have been separated for five years and reunited in a painfully honest conversation. Sometimes I cannot listen to one in its entirety because I lose focus or because it's too difficult (too sad, too painful, hitting too close to home). Sometimes I find myself laughing out loud at my desk - hoping no one else will come in and wonder why I'm laughing when I'm all alone in my office. From tears of sadness to tears from laughter, these shows will be vivid memories from this summer.
They offer me random bits of information, food for thought, feeling odd connections with people I don't even know because we're all experiencing some commonalities of humankind, chances to explore things I had not ever thought about...oh, and in case you think they are too "heavy", sometimes just pure entertainment! They also remind me of just how much I have to learn in this world and of all that there is to experience. But it's been a true pleasure to listen to all of these stories and let them bounce around my head the rest of the day...and night...and weekend. So if you find yourself bored with the usual stuff on the radio, check them out. They are well worth whatever time you dedicate to them whether it's an entire road trip or just a commute to work! Oh, yeah, and one of the toughest things about school starting up is going to be shifting my podcast listening to evenings and/or weekends only...

friday quotation

If you aren't pushing your limits, you aren't going far enough, and you still don't know who you are.
~Paulo Coehlo

decision made!

There comes a time in the life of every car when it has lots of miles, needs some repairs, has lived a good long life...and yet the owner decides she cannot and does not want to part with it!!!
For those who've been along for the ride of my car as it's hit 100,000 miles and celebrated its 10 year birthday, I've finally made a decision. Repairs shall be scheduled.
A detail job shall be given to my trusty Subaru for its 10th birthday.
And I shall drive it for many more moons...or suns...or however long it has left in it.
Or until it starts acting up or leaving me stranded or making me scared or sucking so much money from my bank account that car payments seem like a more favorable option (right...it's gonna have to get bad!). But so far, there's been NONE of that...except for some routine repairs (oh, and the little incident with the deer...see there, it might be 10 years old but it has a brand new driver's side!!)...and it's paid off...really, how can I part with it? Besides, it really does make me smile. In all of its "rough around the edges"-ness and with all of its dings and scrapes and all of its imperfect glory, I feel like this car is perfect for me. Not sure what that says about me, but I'm a tad loyal when it comes to cars. Might be relatively easy for me to part with clothes from my closet...but not my car. Funny I didn't even know I loved it that much...and have never considered myself a "car" person. Guess it's about the comfort, familiarity, and some weird commitment to it. Keep on truckin' little Subaru, keep on truckin'...

yoga Monday

Our yoga teacher (not Malia or Deralyn...and she never said her name...but I liked her...especially her appreciation that our bodies don't move in quite the same way at 6:30 a.m. as they do at 6:30 p.m.!) started class today with a reading. I have to admit, it's one I've heard before and it's not one of my favorites so I had half a mind to just tune it out and try to come up with my intention for the day. But I decided that wasn't a very open or zen attitude, so I decided to listen. Much of it seemed just as silly as when I saw it the first time, but a few things stood out to me. The main theme was all of the things that we lose as we become adults and how the author would like to return to a simpler life. And maybe it just struck a chord with me because I've felt very "adult" lately...or I'm trying to be. And sometimes it feels really big and heavy. And sometimes it feels okay. And I've found myself looking for ways to remind myself to be a kid again...at least every once in a while...even if it's just by being fearless in yoga class...to believe in the final statements of this passage. Because in my heart I do.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks....
I want to return to a time when life was simple;
When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,
but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know
and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware
of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair.
That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork,
depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank,
doctors bills, gossip, illness, and the loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams,
the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

smile day!

It's August 1 which only means one thing to me...SMILE DAY!
I honestly think the whole world needs to celebrate August 1 the way that we did (and they still do) celebrate it at Camp Monterey. August 1 was Miss Dollie (camp director)'s father's birthday and one year, Miss Dollie decided that everyone in camp should celebrate by wearing brightly colored shirts and doing special skits, singing songs, and basically entertaining him all day. Well, the idea stuck and eventually morphed into the day that everyone in camp wore their "loudest" shirts (and hats and socks and shorts and sunglasses...) to celebrate the day as camp's birthday with a BIG cake that everyone could enjoy. In general, it was just a really festive day at camp where we sang "smile" songs all day and it was impossible to be in a bad mood. Somehow that carries over to my life outside of camp and I always remember to smile on August 1! Maybe the world needs a reminder of this everyone once in a while...
P.S. The weekend brought plenty of other reasons to smile, too...a WONDERFUL visit with Elizabeth and her new little girl Kate...my car reaching the 100,000 mile mark and me deciding that I really just want to keep it (in spite of the needed repairs and the upcoming troubles I might have...I'm just not ready to part ways with it. I know, I have loyalty issues. It's a car. I get it. Don't worry, just smile and be happy for me.)...volunteering at Jack's Generic today (always uplifting! LOVE that stuff)...cooking up a storm of veggies tonight...and looking forward to a new month...that started off with a great day!