I used to teach a class called "Identity and Community" and we usually spent the earlier months of class looking inward at the self, in an attempt to define ourselves. We would complete the sentence "I am..." and it was always interesting to see just how many of the ways we defined ourselves were connected to what we did or our relationships with others.
I am a daughter, granddaughter, step-daughter, half-sister, cousin, niece...
I am a college counselor.
I am a swimmer.
I am a triathlete.
I am a student.
You get the picture.
And then there was always another layer of "I am..." statements that delved a little further into our actual being.
The last "I am..." statement that I wrote was about four years ago (can't believe it's been that long since I taught that class!). I pulled it back out the other day because I have been thinking a lot about who I am lately. Funny that a lot of it still applies today. Funny the things that are missing from it...and some things that are on it that I would perhaps delete today...or at least edit. At any rate, I think it's time to re-write my "I am..." statement as I restructure my free time, balance my life a little more between work-play-exercise (see, I can't even call it training! still figuring that out...), re-focus on things that I've lost touch with, remind myself of what it really is that makes my heart beat and make sure that those things are in my life, and ultimately just PAUSE and re-frame. I think it's good to do this every once in a while. Because even though I feel like everything is still moving at a crazy fast speed and the hours are very full, my life is actually less structured than it has been in about four years and there's something that's both terrifying and wonderful about that!
It's frightening to not have a completely clear direction...and exciting at the same time. I'm growing more at peace with the not knowing, with the openness that not having a road map allows, and with the possibilities that might be around the next turn.
And in the meantime, the things "I am..." that I am certain of and that remain the same make me smile because after all, I am...
...a friend. And one who cares. And one who loves. And one who listens.
...one who forgives. And one who has been forgiven.
...slow to answer yet quick to cry. Strong yet sensitive. Curious yet scared.
...one to whom people turn. And one who does not always understand why.
...passionate and shy. Active and calm. Both a leader and a follower.
...the peacekeeper and the pleaser, sometimes at my own expense.
...one who prefers a gathering of friends in my home to a large crowd at a concert.
...wanting to know others and be known by them, but sometimes frightened by the idea of it all.
...one who dreamed of fitting in with the "cool" crowd, realized she never could, and ultimately became okay with that!
...appreciative of warm smiles and small tokens of kindness.
...a believe that a little love can go a long way in this world.
...one who thought she would be in a different place right now but who is utterly grateful for what she has.
...the responsible one.
...a hard worker who sometimes works herself too hard.
...a runner because it is good for me.
...a swimmer because it makes me feel good.
...a lover of summer rainstorms with bright lightening and crsip autumn days that tease of the winter ahead.
...a believer in second chances and new beginnings.
...more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt than in a formal dress.
...one who would rather hit the open trail than the streets of New York City.
...a cherisher of written messages from those who care for me.
...one who strives to be healthy but has at times taken it too far.
...the creator of dreams of sunrise hikes with cool mountain lakes waiting at the end.
...patient and quiet...especially with others.
...comforted by a fleece and a mug of coffeee on a lazy weekend morning.
...known by my friends for falling asleep in the middle of movies but for waking up at the end.
...non-judgmental.
...not one who speeds on the road but one who sometimes wants to speed up her life.
...not one to let go of friends easily but one who needs time to build those friendships.
...a lover of a good book where the author paints pictures with words.
...one who can be mesmerized by sunsets or the ocean surf or a field pusling with fireflies.
...a planner who wishes she were more spontaneous because it looks like more fun.
...one who forgives. And one who has been forgiven.
...slow to answer yet quick to cry. Strong yet sensitive. Curious yet scared.
...one to whom people turn. And one who does not always understand why.
...passionate and shy. Active and calm. Both a leader and a follower.
...the peacekeeper and the pleaser, sometimes at my own expense.
...one who prefers a gathering of friends in my home to a large crowd at a concert.
...wanting to know others and be known by them, but sometimes frightened by the idea of it all.
...one who dreamed of fitting in with the "cool" crowd, realized she never could, and ultimately became okay with that!
...appreciative of warm smiles and small tokens of kindness.
...a believe that a little love can go a long way in this world.
...one who thought she would be in a different place right now but who is utterly grateful for what she has.
...the responsible one.
...a hard worker who sometimes works herself too hard.
...a runner because it is good for me.
...a swimmer because it makes me feel good.
...a lover of summer rainstorms with bright lightening and crsip autumn days that tease of the winter ahead.
...a believer in second chances and new beginnings.
...more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt than in a formal dress.
...one who would rather hit the open trail than the streets of New York City.
...a cherisher of written messages from those who care for me.
...one who strives to be healthy but has at times taken it too far.
...the creator of dreams of sunrise hikes with cool mountain lakes waiting at the end.
...patient and quiet...especially with others.
...comforted by a fleece and a mug of coffeee on a lazy weekend morning.
...known by my friends for falling asleep in the middle of movies but for waking up at the end.
...non-judgmental.
...not one who speeds on the road but one who sometimes wants to speed up her life.
...not one to let go of friends easily but one who needs time to build those friendships.
...a lover of a good book where the author paints pictures with words.
...one who can be mesmerized by sunsets or the ocean surf or a field pusling with fireflies.
...a planner who wishes she were more spontaneous because it looks like more fun.
And a few more things...to be written at a later date...
1 comment:
This is wonderful. I am...in awe.
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