...35..36..37..38!!

I am overwhelmed with thoughts and things to write about today. I've been showered with birthday love in the form of phone calls, emails, text messages, cards, flowers, edible bouquets, gatherings with friends, and other sweet sentiments (oh, yes, and a birthday serenade from the tuba section of the UT marching band! Hilarious!). And as I round the bend to another year, my thoughts are delightfully cluttered with reflections on the past few years. I remember when turning 35 felt like a big deal. Now I can hardly remember it! 36 felt good, if for no other reason, because I like 3s and that year was 3 + 2x3. 37 was a charmed year because it's the reverse of the year in which I was born '73. And after 3s, 7s are my next favorite number. And now, 38. Which in some ways seems like a more complete number...if you look at it, 8 is literally a completion of the mirror image of a 3. And there's something delightful about that. As if it's symbolic of growing into the other half of myself. (And, it's tempting to jump ahead to 39 in my mind which will be 3 + 3x3...how exciting for someone who loves 3s!!! But I will wait because it is a whole year away...) Yes, that is how a not-very-numbers-oriented gal looks at the numbers behind her age. Not as a sign of being older (although that does happen from time to time) but as each number representing something. And what's fun over the year is that those representations keep multiplying with things I would have never known to look for in a number.
But, of course, the year is about more than the number...or the proverbial candles on the cake. It's about the moments that make up that year. Which is actually something I talked about when I delivered the faculty speech at graduation a few years ago (I was so honored). I talked about how too often we live life waiting for "the next big thing" but that really the sweetness of life is made up of all of the little moments in between. So it made me laugh this morning when I read, in one of the devotional/journal books that I read each day, the passage for November 6 (as if it's a personal message to me but also as if it's my message to the world):
"Value Each Moment: How often we wait for those grand moments of revelation, those intense times that blast us into transformation, those turning points that forever change us and our lives. Those are the dramatic moments we write about, see in movies, and long for in our lives. Yes, they are wonderful. But turning points such as those happen only a couple of times in a movie and a few times in a lifetime. Each moment of each day in our lives is a valuable turning point - an important part of our spiritual growth, an important scene in the movie of our lives. Each feeling is important: boredom, fear, hate, love, despair, excitement. Each action we take has value: an act of love, an act of healing. Each word we speak, each word we hear, each scene we allow ourselves to see, and each scenario we participate in changes us." (Journey to the Heart)
I think that perhaps birthdays can be turning points, but I need to remember that each day, each moment can be a turning point if I choose to make it so. And not a turning point that needs/includes fireworks but a turning point within myself. A dedication to being the best me that I can be. Not to expecting monumental changes but to taking advantage of the small ones and valuing those. Cherishing those. That is what the year ahead is for. (And sleep and courage and speaking my truth and asking for help and, and, and...) And that is actually what my entire day was comprised of. My typical celebration of life and health in some active way - this year that took the form of a 5K race at 1:50 a.m. so that we were running "back in time" (this is where the UT tuba folks come into play) followed by some sleep and then a 90-minute yoga class with my favorite teacher...on to Whole Foods for my favorite coffee and a little shopping...and then time at home (very precious these days) to do laundry, cook, read, catch up with friends and family on the phone...and the day ended sweetly with dinner with a wonderful group of friends. Nothing dramatic (well, except for that crazy 5K!) but all together a string of wonderful, meaningful moments. Oh, and the added bonus of an extra hour added to the day AND rain for Austin - hooray!
As for being me, well, I love this "15-second reading" by Paulo Coehlo:
Tomatoes and Melons
If tomatoes wanted to be melons,
they would look completely ridiculous.

I am always amazed
that so many people are concerned
with wanting to be what they are not;
what’s the point of making yourself look ridiculous?

You don’t always have to pretend to be strong,
there’s no need to prove all the time that everything is going well,
you shouldn’t be concerned about what other people are thinking,
cry if you need to,

it’s good to cry out all your tears (because only then will you be able to smile again).

So if I'm crying at some point over the next year (which I'm sure I will!), I'm just making way for more smiles. And if I'm stopping to "smell the roses" it is just because I'm living in the moment. Which, as our yoga teacher reminded us this morning, makes us amazingly free.
Off to bed I go with a full and humble heart. And in this moment, that is just where I'm supposed to be.