core

Today was all about core work for me. Started with an hour of CoreFit Fusion. Man my arms are sore. So much to work on there. And I ended with 90 minutes of yoga. That was sort of by accident - well, the 90 minutes part. A faculty meeting kept me from track practice - that was in the rain...but they did my favorite track workout of all time...and I always seem to miss it! Ah...maybe I was supposed to be at yoga instead. For all 90 minutes. I honestly thought it was a 60 minute class but somewhere between sun salutation 8 or 9 I started to think it must be longer. No choice but to go with it and soak up being there and working my muscles and mind in that way. Trying to stay centered. Always focused on my core - literally and figuratively.
In all that we do in triathlons, we're constantly using our core whether we realize it or not. And I've been pretty consistent about 1 core class + 1 yoga class each week so hopefully my physical core is getting stronger. Now I have to remember not only to strengthen it but also to engage it.
As I focused on engaging my core tonight at yoga, I found myself thinking about my figurative core, too - who I am at my most basic level. And I decided that I need to keep working on that and engaging that, too! Even though I'm 35 I feel like my real core is actually just developing. Don't ask me what the heck I've been doing for the last 35 years of my life...maybe getting my core ready to become its real self?! Can we say "late bloomer" here?!
I joked with Praveeta last week that I was finally finding my voice and she reminded me that some people never do. So true. And I guess some people never find their core either. But I can safely say that over the last three years especially, I feel like my core is becoming more defined. And that feels really good. I know that who I am becoming has disappointed some people - some folks who mean the world to me. But having spent a good part of my life pleasing people but never feeling very much peace within myself...down to my core...I can safely say that this feels better. Much like my literal core, it's a long way from a six-pack in terms of definition...but it's getting there. At least it's getting easier for me to imagine it. I know it will never be perfectly defined and honestly I don't want it to be. What on earth would I do if I were "done" becoming me?! I hope I'm still trying to achieve that six-pack core literally and figuratively when I'm 90.