wiring

Don't worry - taper has not left me so bored that I've re-wired anything in my house. I'd send out fair warning to everyone if that were the case as it would almost certainly end in some small disaster!
But, recently lots of things, lots of little comments, lots of different interactions with people, lots of experiences...have got me thinking about how we're all wired so differently. I know, this is not headline news. But every once in a while it just occurs to me that so much of how we experience life depends on something that we have very little control over. Yes, we can choose how to react to situations in life. But the amount of energy required to change a potentially negative reaction or to re-direct the messages that we're sending naturally really varies from person to person. I won't pretend to understand it all. I'm sure that biologically and psychologically it's way more complicated than I even realize. And I've never read any scientific research on this. But if you spend enough time with other people, you can do your own study on this topic!
My very unscientific observations have happened as people have given me credit for things that I do or say that I think are sort of beyond my control. As I have watched our community at school react to new leadership. As I interact with my family. I have found the words "that's just how I'm wired" coming out of my mouth so often lately that I started wondering if it was an excuse for my behavior! I don't think so. I think it's how I explain something that I really don't have an explanation for when it comes to my reaction to something. When there's no reason why I'm reacting one way and someone else is reacting another way.
I guess I'm thinking about this a lot these days as a bunch of us experience the taper phase of IM training. And we're all having different reactions to it. Since this is my first major taper (confession...I was supposed to taper before Longhorn last year but I didn't really do it...because I was afraid to trust the taper...silly, silly), I wasn't sure what to expect. There were plenty of words of warning about what these three weeks might feel like - everything from "the taper blues" to an emotional rollercoaster. I started to get a little worried that I had not done the training right since I had not really experienced much in the way of either of these things in this first week of taper.
And then I realized that it in both the physical and emotional reactions to taper, we probably have to take a small peek at how we're wired. I thought I'd be getting stressed and worried over not training enough right up to the race. But (so far!!!) I've been remarkably calm about it. No sneaking in extra workouts. No fretting about doing fewer miles than other training programs. I guess because it's in my wiring to stick with whatever plan I've been given. I didn't really do that too well during Longhorn training (for the taper) but I've been really good about doing it through CDA training. So, even now in taper, it's felt natural for me to just do what the C Plan says for taper. Last week it was 10 hours of training. This week it's 9 hours. Okay. I can handle that!
Physically it feels really good to be getting more rest - to be letting my muscles and tendons and ligaments get ready for June 21 when I'll be asking a lot of them. And since school is out and I'm not taking work home with me in the evenings...summer rules for myself...I have been able to get to bed earlier. Yeah! 8-9 hours of sleep has become the norm. And I'm loving it.
Emotionally it has been a pretty smooth ride, too. But again, I think that's sort of how I'm wired...to some extent. What I'm not wired for is not getting worked up about details. Seriously, I'm way more fixated on those right now than on the race itself. I'm more concerned about getting things in the right bags than I am about swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112 miles, and running 26.2 miles. (I had to write that down to help get things in perspective!) Anyway, lists will help me with this and I'm about to become a slave to them! The other thing that I'm not always great about doing is tackling the thing that I'm unsure of how to do. For example, yesterday I needed to clean my house, go to the grocery, cook, and make my packing lists. I put off the latter because I'm uncertain about it. Grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning I can do. Evidence: a late afternoon trip to the store that allowed me to cook up three recipes last night yum!) + scrubbing the kitchen floor. Okay, so maybe taper is affecting me in a funny "let's be productive and get all of your ducks in a row at home way"?!
So there it is...ETG wiring in a nutshell. It's not always as clear as I've made it sound. In fact, I'm sure my wiring is freakishly complicated, as all humans are. (Some of you might be thinking that mine is more complicated?!) And I certainly got some wiring that doesn't always serve me well - like sometimes crawling into a cave and not asking for help and turning stress inward in unhealthy ways instead of outward and thinking that more work is always/usually a good thing, just to name a few. But I was also blessed with an extra dose of general optimism, cheerfulness, and "I will figure out a way to handle it"-ness that has served me pretty well through life. Seriously, I just got lucky - I am not sure that anything around me growing up made me that way. (Except for maybe denial and a desire to escape from certain realities sometimes!!) I'm super grateful for this stroke of luck. And I think lots of other people I know got it, too, because I know many folks with the same gifts. And for my friends who got other gifts, I'm just thankful that I don't drive them crazy, that they keep me around as a friend because I need their gifts as much as they might need mine. I've been really lucky to have fallen into circles of friends throughout my life who accept me and have yet to toss me and my wiring to the curb!
My hope for the next two weeks is that I don't blow a fuse or have any short circuits in my wiring...trying to not overload the wires is a start...off to make lists!