the days are a blur

I realized today that for about the past 12 days I've really had no idea what day of the week it was or really what the date was - except for certain ones when I needed to be on an airplane or December 31 or January 1 or something like that! And it's been lovely. Yes, the planner, organizer, tied-to-a-calendar girl who loves her routine has loved not having a routine. But I'm ready to get back to a routine - not necessarily because I need one but because it's nice to balance out the days when I don't have to have a schedule. I think I'll appreciate weekends and any days off even more when I'm back at work Monday through Friday and when I'm on a more regular training schedule. That being said...there's a part of me that thinks I could get used to having the whole day laid out in front of me like a clean slate just waiting to be filled with whatever I want.
But I know myself too well. That would only sit well with me for a little while and then I'd feel unproductive somehow and I'd have to find a project to work on. Like the past few days I've committed myself to me, as selfish as that sounds. I've dedicated time to things and people I love, to tending to my house, to clearing out the cobwebs (both literal and figurative), to beginning 2009 in a healthy way. I've recycled endless piles of magazines (not sure when I really thought I was going to read them?); I've cleaned off my dining room table (also known as the landing pad for random pieces of paper, Christmas gifts from students, etc...); and I've cleaned, dusted, and done everything short of waxing the floors. (I don't think you actually have to wax fake wood floors so I'm letting myself off the hook for that one!) I've spent time outside in this gorgeous spring-like January weather we've been having. I've gone to swim practice at lunch - unheard of when I have my school schedule! I've pushed myself during practices. I've gotten a massage and gone to acupuncture (and had stellar naps during both "treatments"!). I've called old friends and reconnected with new ones after the holidays. I've cheered on our boys basketball team.
And all because I wanted to. I'm trying to do more things because they feel right in my heart, not out of a "have to" mentality. Sure, there will still be some of that. As long as we have jobs and make commitments to other people, there will always be that sense of obligation. Sometimes it's scary to live from the heart. We risk letting other people down and not living up to people's expectations. The flip side of that coin is that if we only seek to please others then we risk letting ourselves down. And I think that in the long run, when we do live from the heart, when we stay true to ourselves, our lives are better. More meaningful. More authentic. More free. More heartfelt.
Now to have the courage to do it daily...